JPF Home Page Forums Week 38 MP3/Lyric Pick: "Just Another Day"

Hi Mark,

I really like this song, and like other folks, I found it pretty difficult at first to have suggestions for improvement. I think the simple arrangement with vocals and acoustic guitar absolutely fit the mood and subject matter of the song. I'm a fan of the melody throughout - the verses, chorus and bridge. All very pleasant, and quite memorable to me. Truly enjoyable overall, and no specific nits on these two facets. So that left me with the lyrics to focus on in terms of possible improvement. And while I did like them on the first couple of listens, after spending a little more time with them, I feel that they could be upgraded in a few areas. Here goes:

The idea of a guy trying to convince himself that he's better off now that she's gone, and holding onto the tenuous notion that at least he didn't have to admit that he was wrong, is well done and nicely presented in the song. It's not the only song with subject matter such as this, but it definitely works. I feel though, that with a little more time spent, the lyrics could go from ok, to very good. Here are a few thoughts/comments:

Verse1
Just another day
Since you've been gone now
Sometimes I just stay
Up all night long now
Not sure if I'm a big fan of the word "now". It feels like a "yeah" or an "ooh" to me, so I might consider rewriting these lines so the prosidy works as well as it does now, without them. It feels like filler. And so does the word "just" in this verse. And I'm not sure the concept of staying up all night is the best way to let us know the singer is feeling right off the bat. Is this a good thing or a bad thing? Is he happy about it? Or is this a complaint? If he's implying that he's happy about it, and I think he is because he seems to be listing the facts he's skewing as positive, maybe "I get to stay up all night night long" would let us know that a little better.

Lift1
I sit and drink alone
A one-man riot
Got time to think -- this place
Is full of peace and quiet
In this portion I again get the mixed impression that he wants to portray these acts a being positive, yet they don't come across this way to me. If the singer is being sarcastic, then I'm not sure that can be easily relayed in this song without somehow making it obvious he has his tongue planted in his cheek throughout (i.e. changing the hook/title to something that implies sarcasm as well). Drinking alone isn't generally socially acceptable, and the phrase "one man riot" doesn't seem to really portray someone having a good time to me. "Riot" feels like a word that sort of works and more importantly rhymed with quite. ( Been there, still do that) So basically, is he honestly trying to list the positives he's trying to convince himself of, or is he being sarcastic? The current version doesn't make either approach obvious to me.

Chorus
Just another day without you
Just another day
Nothing much to say about you
Nothing much to say
Since you went away
Just another day
I like most of these chorus lyrics. Memorable... makes me want so sing along, etc. The one phrase that stands out and may need some help is "Nothing much to say about you". It works from a meter/timing perspective, and it does express the "ho hum" attitude he's trying to make us believe, but who would this guy be talking to anyway if he's hanging out alone? I would prefer something that again reinforces the concept of what the singer is trying to convince us of, with something like "Life goes on the same without you". Or "Everything's the same without you". Both of these say what he wants to say to us, and are contrary to the actions/activities he describes making it pretty obvious that's not the case, even if he doesn't realize it... just like the title itself.

Verse2
Finally got some room
In this old bed now
Don?t have your perfume
To fill my head now
I like the first two lines here. Same comment about the "nows," as above though. The last two lines feel a little forced to me. I don't think of perfume filling someone's head to be a thing that's a common problem someone would be happy to be without ("Damn it honey, your perfume is filling my head again!" ). I like the imagery it brings, and the fact that it tells us he is focusing on what's gone, but I think some other personal touch could be as affective and not feel as forced . Maybe "All those annoying plants are almost dead (now)." Not very romantic, but you get the idea -- a phrase that is worded in a way that sounds like a common expression or way of speaking.

Lift2
The sun is rising
Sleep is finally calling
But when my eyes are closed
I feel like I?m falling
This lift really confused me, especially the "I feel like I'm falling". I get he's been up all night and finally getting some sleep (or going to bed). I think he's saying he's afraid to close his eyes because of the bad memories. But to me it sounds a little like he's going to get the "bed spins" from having too much to drink. Falling is also a phrase used in "falling in love" which can also make this a little confusing.

Bridge
That I won?t touch your face
Or see you smile after
Or know the dreams you chase
Or feel your easy laughter
Who needs to hear your voice
Singing your favorite song
At least I never, ever said
That I was wrong
I love the way the chorus leads into the bridge - "Just another day... that I won't..." but from the way it's written currently, I kinda feel like you painted yourself into a corner. I know you're leading up to the final two lines where he talks about never having to say he's wrong, but the lines leading up to it don't work for me. He suddenly starts listing positives like he's suddenly admitting to missing her, then he goes back to being mad with "Who needs to hear your voice...". I'm not sure if you're trying to show he's slipped up momentarily but suddenly gotten a hold of his resolve half way through, but if so, it's not obvious enough. I think this bridge could be the departure it's supposed to be if he finally admits it a little and is more like "Sure, I may not have all of this good stuff, but, at least I didn't have to admit I was wrong." So he admits he DOES miss some of it, but he's trying to say it's worth it (and we all know it isn't). Maybe something more like:

That I won't touch your face
Or hear your easy laughter
Or feel your soft embrace
Or know the dreams you're after
I may not hear your voice
Singing my favorite song, but
At least I never had to
Say that I was wrong

Really a very nice song, Mark. I really liked it - especially the melody - but I do think that lyrics could use a pretty hefty overhaul to make them stellar. I hope some of what I wrote might be helpful to you.