Hi Mike,
After the first listen, I sat and thought about it for a couple of minutes. And the first thing I realized was that I couldn't remember the main hook in it's entirety.
So the standard remedy (esp. in a rock song), as you know, is repetition.
Maybe you should find a place in the song where you can repeat the hook 3 or 4 times, uninterrupted.

I don't think changing the last line of the 2nd pre-chorus is a good idea. Making that one small change...with the other lines remaining the same...might be a distraction rather than a enhancement.

And listening to the last line of the pre-chorus; my mind was expecting the second phrase ("sinking slow") to be musically identical with the first phrase ("sinking low").
When they didn't match, I was mildly disappointed. The thing is...I can't explain why. It's probably just a personal preference thing; a minor unfulfilled expectation. But I thought I'd go ahead and mention it since I'm here.

One of the things that came to mind after listening several times was the matching of the music with the lyrical message.
I considered the music to be pretty much comtemporary rock.
So the question is...Will the demographic age-group most likely to dig the music be able to identify with the message?
Maybe something to consider.

But that stuff aside, I really enjoyed the song. It rocks! The Intro grabs you and says "Pay attention you don't wanna miss this!"...and the song delivers. I was particularly impressed with the vocal interpretation/delivery...very cool.

GJ





Last edited by GJShades; 08/24/08 09:41 PM.