JPF Home Page Forums Week 37 MP3/Lyric Pick: "The Grind"

Hi Again Joe

Real quick... kinda lol..

This below is the first verse to one of your recent songs.

Thought I was doing all right
When I called her last night
She said that she was just fine
but couldn’t make up her mind
About leaving me for someone new
Good morning blues

Notice the even matching six words each on the first two lines.
See how you suggested I shorten my lines to be more like yours.
You want me line up "sell" right perfectly under "tell" - this thinking to me is a bit contrived lol.. But in your suggestions your trying to convert my style (in this song) into more like yours.

I have loads of songs with short concise verses, I wanted something different on this song. I had a slow moving pulse groove happening, so I wanted an opposite effect melodically. I use a lot of contrast and colors, even the influences come from all over the place.

Also some new angle and variety/originality not only in melody but in lyric. I have never heard anything quite like my opening verse "ever' and I listen to so much music part of my ears are missing.

In your song, (not trying to insult here so please understand) These words the way there sung, everything about it is kind of tired. Even if we aren't talking about (hits & commercial aspects) This is very bland. BUT I do know you can write other things less dull or typical for a fact. And I know this is based in a blues song, so these lyrics are VERY acceptable. Lyrics being acceptable for there style of music.
Now where talking.. this is the heart of the matter here.

Even when I do a blues tune I never come in with what you expect. Never "she left me etc.... I'm so sad, love this, crying that... Even though that's what the blues are all about

Anyway - I'm looking/listening at all your songs/lyrics and like I guessed before and would have won money betting on. You do not write rock songs, R&B songs or
have any link to anything in this particular world I'm coming from on this song.

Here's a quick list of some of your opening song verses, and one poem from a hundred years ago Ya see why we don't relate?

I may not love you forever
but who could last that long
and it isn't fair to love you this much
and to know that someday it will all be gone

I drive out from Amarillo
‘Til I see that grove of willows
and the old windmill that stands on Grandpa’s farm
And even though no wind is blowing
That windmill keeps on going
And scatters all the crows out of the yard

I see the moon, the moon sees me
shining down on my Christmas tree
Please light the light that shines on me
shine on the whole wide world

She keeps her saddle blanket on her trundle bed
vision on snowflakes dance in her head
Her boots and her saddle stand in the hall
Jingle bells and christmas card
hang on her wall

Thought I was doing all right
When I called her last night
She said that she was just fine
but couldn’t make up her mind
About leaving me for someone new
Good morning blues

I once knew all the birds that came
And nested in our orchard trees,
For every flower I had a name---
My friends were woodchucks, toads, and bees;
I knew where thrived in yonder glen
What plants would soothe a stone-bruised toe---
Oh, I was very learned then,
But that was very long ago.

Again I'm not here to analyze your work or too judge it. It's to make a point
for learning and understanding

Peace
Sub