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Joined: Mar 2005
Posts: 3,639
Top 100 Poster
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Top 100 Poster
Joined: Mar 2005
Posts: 3,639 |
Louis, how about "dreams"? What dreams are fading? We can guess that he may have had plans in the past and then suddenly realized one day that he was just shuttling back and forth to work and his dreams or plans were set aside. I think that is what you mean, but in order to keep the lyric simple and sill have every line meaniful, I think you need you be specific- maybe tell us what the dream is (Hey did I say this was easy?) You are doing great but I don't think you should introduce a new idea (Waldon Pond) unless you had already said he was dreaming about a lake or water. Do you get what I mean? If you have introduced a concept and then made it tangible with a reference, it can work but if you just throw it in without a reference, it puts a hickup in the song. I do like the phrase "dirt road through the pines". The chorus is shaping up nicely. Here is a line by line summary of what you have in my opinion:
and he's living out, a tale that's told (nice- a couple of shades of meaning) following a well worn road (perfect way to say he is in a rut) and he ask himself is it all worthwhile (as we all do) cause the years roll by like highway signs (love this line) he knows he's running out of time (God, I wish it were not true-but it is) and his dreams fade with every passing mile (passing miles is perfect- now if I just could get a handle on the dream) and he'd trade his soul tomorrow (I think he is trying to "find" his sould- that is what I feel you are saying in general) for a dirt road thru the pines (a metaphor for what he is looking for and I like the phrase) to his Walden Pond and a simple kind of life (Like I said, "Waldon Pond" is introduced without a reference and I don't think you need it)
It is fun posting on your stuff Louis because you are so open minded and receptive. I am not trying to tell you what you "should" write but just to ask the question, What exactly are you trying to convey? Musically, it is working completely for me and I would love to sing this song at a showcase or an open mic just as soon as it is p e r f e c t.
"Imagination is more important than knowledge." - Albert Einstein
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