Louis, first off this is really cool...i have trouble getting past the honesty of your delivery and listening to the story, when you record these things and it's just you, i feel like i'm in the room there listening...reading the lyric i can really relate to this guy, i get it, the trouble with the rat race is, if you win you're still a rat...i might try and point back to life on the farm or in the country as a kid that he misses and wishes he could treat his own family(he's callin' them right?) to that simple kinda life...would tie it together for me, (maybe in a short bridge)...this is almost there Louis...moker