Late in her Bobbie but wish you all the best with this worthy project.
As yousay it metres off for me but if someone of Allan's ability muiscal says it works. It works.
I like Janice's offering a lot.
I felt as iddy, this wants that something after that line for impact.
First big one for me was the eyes line and see both Anthony and Bob have stepped in ther.
Once read adjatives can kill a song adverbs can give them life. I think that applies here.
Best of luck with it Bobbie.
Played your Mountains and Daddy Left A Lifetime songs on Roar radio last night by the way.
Regards.
Graham

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http://artists2.iuma.com/IUMA/Bands/Graham_Henderson/