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Cavetown
by Gary E. Andrews - 10/09/25 01:00 AM
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Laufey
by Gary E. Andrews - 10/08/25 06:16 PM
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New dong
by Ken Randall - 10/08/25 12:49 AM
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Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 6,278
Top 100 Poster
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Top 100 Poster
Joined: Jul 2005
Posts: 6,278 |
You've painted a pretty good picture of the cafe. I would've suggested another, more romantic/country name, but I assume Joe's Place is the real name. Think you could add more overall color if you didn't repeat the same info in a couple of spots. These lines are redundant: "It don’t matter how you dress There ain’t no dress code" as are these: "There’re lots of friendly faces And smiles to go around And the laughter seems to fill the air" This third line pretty much says it all about the ambience in Joe's. You could impart more in those first 2 lines. Last thing that hit me odd is the line: "A plate of fried fatback" Where I come from, fatback is used as a seasoning, but I never heard of eating straight-up salt pork. Joe's wouldn't get much of a thumbs up on the health-o-meter!  Easy flow to this. Ben
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