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Toxic
by Rob B. - 10/04/26 02:16 PM
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Afro Pop
by Raymond Byabazaire - 10/01/26 12:39 PM
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Afro Pop
by Raymond Byabazaire - 10/01/26 12:38 PM
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Gone
by Michael W. Brown - 09/30/26 07:17 PM
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Joined: Nov 2005
Posts: 2,033 Likes: 100
Top 200 Poster
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Top 200 Poster
Joined: Nov 2005
Posts: 2,033 Likes: 100 |
Hey Kay-lynn,
first off in verse 1 I would replace "That’s the place where they all meet" with "that's the place to be" because it rhymes with line 1 "Tennessee".
Right now, the chorus is positive, but could be any group of good ol’ guys anywhere and doesn’t sonically or lyrically lock into “Breakfast Club” as the hook.
For an upbeat, sing-along melody, the chorus needs a strong, repeatable phrase, “Breakfast Club” front and center and less explanation, more feeling and identity.
Why not make the chorus feel like "this is our town's Breakfast Club - and everybody knows it", instead of describing what they do, and celebrate them.
How flexible are you? Do you want a 6-line chorus with 2 groups of 3 lines or are you open to different things?
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