JPF Home Page Forums Lyric and MP3 Feedback Lyric Feedback Forum " WHY her ? "

im being lied to, secrets, sneaking around
thinking i dont see .
not blind, i see, all the signals and
im watching you wanting her .
i know you'll leave me, for her !
(spoken) ::
" am i not good enough for you ? "
( chours )
please tell me now, dont leave me alone
to wonder .
why must you keep me here ?

tell me the truth, am i still yours
or are you hers ?
dont you try to deny what we had
history it seems .
locked inside deep dreams forgotten
while awake .
( distorted voice )
remember me !
( chours )
please tell me now, dont leave me alone
to wonder .
why must you keep me here ?

dont hold me hear in this dark room,
ill find the key and unlock the door
ill not stay her anymore .

( repeat chours )

spoken :: i wont be hidden !

I would love to hear the music in your head when you read this tune. This is very good nikki.

Most critiquers would comment on your loose structure and rhyme scheme, but I kind of like it in your writing. To me, it just seems fresh and original, rather than just a lack of structure or something. Your songs are more free-floating, and loose, rather than rigid and stuck to a structure. I still believe that you have done well in presenting a vivid mood just with the words and thoughts you portray. I'd only have to say that you write the way you write and you do it very well. Only advise is that you try out other approaches to your writing, so that you will be better equipped to incorporate them in your writing if you think it will work. Keep writing. Every word you write is practise and part of your learning experience. There are no wasted words in relation to your growth as a writer.

Josh Packard

Cool, Nikki! I can feel a lot of angst in this. Very hip lyrics. Of course I'd have to hear the music to tell for sure, but It sounds like a cool Alannis Morrisette, Natalie Imbruglia, or even Avril Lavigne song. I like the disjointed, fragmented thought processes conveyed here. Like the thoughts are coming straight through unchecked by rational thinking. Not an insult to you, but a compliment to the ability to convey betrayal and anger. I don't know how to write like this, I'm much more boring and I've never had a lot of angst, but I like the lyrics, I think they're a keeper!

Thanks for sharing,

Steve

Thanks, Steve.
I really dont have any specific tune in my head yet, i keep changing it. ive never really wrote a song and instantly had a tune for it, if i did i'd write alot more . It would be so much easier, lol .
- tabbI

Ha! You'd think so wouldn't you? I write just the opposite. I come up with the music first and sometimes, if I'm lucky, the lyrics to a verse or the chorus come right away. I then spend the next three days to twelve years writing the rest of my lyrics. If only I could write the lyrics first, it would be SO much easier.

Thanks,

Steve

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www.bordercrossingmusic.com

ok, lol, maybe not then .
i think ill just come up with the tune 2nd lol .

tabbi..... are you getting some good help here with your music??? i have already noticed that you are getting better with the "craft" side of this. keep working girl!! scotty

yes, i have been getting a ton of help .
it's great to have people helping me to improve my work !

Nikkigal,
I really like how you write. You have a very powerful style. This song rocks. I have read most of your songs posted here and your style really jumps out at me, not to mention your lyrical content. Really great!



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Just a music lover

thank you .
thats a very nice compliment

very good nikki i always look forward to ur songs u have so much spirit

Ben

ty ty tanki tanki
hehe back to being serious
i know lol j/k