JPF Home Page Forums Lyric and MP3 Feedback Lyric Feedback Forum 3 Every Tear Holds a Memory of You Here

Well, here it goes..This is a baby stage song. I know most of my songs need trimming and cutting of fat. It is hard when there is not a distinct melody. All of my lyrics have special meaning to me. My father in law was tragically taken in a robbery almost 2 years ago. My youngest boy was sitting with me a month or so ago and was crying. I told him it was ok to cry..He said yes, Momma, because every tear holds a memory! And, well, thats how this all began...

Pillows soaked after a rough nights sleep
The thoughts of you roll through my mind
leaving trails of memories down my cheeks
that never seem to dry

When the puddles over flow and grow around me
it makes one thing clear
Every tear holds a memory of you here

There are so many and they don't seem to stop
Like when we looked at pictures for hours
Tellin' me of times before you were my Pop
And here comes another stream, soakin' me to the core
Ridin beside you in your truck
With my favorite candy you got me at the convenience store

When I learned that night that you were gone
I cried as I faced all the fears
Every tear holds a memory of you here

The days keep going and time doesn't stand still
I pull myself together until
the flood gates open
Hearing you saying I love you buddy in my ear
Every tear holds a memory of you here

There are many and they just dont seem to stop
Like when you would sing your silly tunes
And I would laugh till I dropped
And here comes another stream, soakin' me to the core
Runnin', playing hide and seek
letting me find you like you did before

The thoughts will not be forgotten
they fall like raindrops year after year
But every tear holds a memory of you here

Hey Kimberly,
Great hook! Tweaks below, keep or sweep

Pillows soaked after a rough night's sleep
The thoughts of you roll through my mind
leaving trails of memories down my cheeks
that never seem to dry

When the puddles over flow and surround me
it makes one thing clear
Every tear holds a memory of you here

There are so many and they don't seem to stop
Like when we looked for hours at pictures of you Tellin' me of times
before you were my Pop
And here comes another stream, soakin' me to the core
Ridin with you in your truck eatin' candy you bought me from the dollar store

When I learned that night that you were gone
I cried as I faced all the fears
Every tear holds a memory of you here

The days keep going and time doesn't stand still
I pull myself together until
the flood gates open
Hearing you saying I love you buddy in my ear
Every tear holds a memory of you here

There are many and they just dont seem to stop
Like when you'd sing your silly tunes
And I'd laugh till I dropped
And here comes another stream, soakin' me to the core
Runnin', playing hide and seek
letting me find you like you did before

The thoughts will not be forgotten
they fall like raindrops year after year
But every tear holds a memory of you here

Thank you so much! Those were a couple areas that I have been stuck on rewording! Much appreciated!

Hi Kimberly,

I'm not sure of the structure here. It looks like verse, pre-chorus, chorus? But then after the 1st chorus it looks like pre-chorus, verse, chorus? Maybe you could label them that would help me.

I would probably drop (here) off the title.

Dottie

hello Kimberly. welocme to the Board.

overal you have the elements of a great tear jerker going on here. I could feel the "singers" pain. IMO you need to re-look and re-think your approach. we, the "reader/listerner", get the point but without the "melody", and this one didn't "sing" to me, it is hard to see where it works and where it doesn't.

shayne has started you off and maybe with that direction in mind the re-write won't be as difficult as re-writes sometimes casn be.

look forward to more of your lyrics. keep writing!!

douglas

Thank you for your input! As a newbie writer I am not too familiar with exact song structure. I am reading up more and more on it. With me it just starts with a melody in my head and then I write, write, write..Not being a musician, I usually hit a melody block after the first verse and then just continue with written words, so I do know there are things that need to be eliminated or restructured. All a great learning process for me

well if I may? might I suggest you write to a known melody. take one of your favotrites, the one you know from start to finish and write your lyric to that melody.

you can also call up the lyric and follow that structure while you write.

I have done this alot with some of my own, and "finding" your own melody after the fact is not that difficult after a while as you become more comfortable with the craft.

by doing this you will learn "structure" and see the "patterns" of rhyme and how they flow so that when you read your finished work, and here I would suggest that you do this out loud since this will show you where others might stumble.

a rule of thumb is that you should be able to read your lyric easily enough and you will find that the exercise of "reading" aloud will strengthen your writing.

there are many good books on the subject and sites here on the internet but if you are a fan of music, of lyrics, then all you will have to do is draw on that and your writing will improve.

another rule would be to write, write and write.

see you around the board.

douglas

hello again kimberly.

if you check out my re-write to my lyric "silly me" you will get the idea of writing using a predetermined melody.

this one was written to the song, by Emerson, Lake & Palmer
called "C'est La Vie"

if you are not familiar with it google it or check out youtube.

I wrote/structured it to that melody and that train of thought musically. later [well this morning actually] re-worked it to a melody I created and "volia" there ya go.

writing to an existing melody really helps IMO and if you haven't yet give it a try.

douglas

KIM

YOU HAVE GOOD ADVICE--

YOU COULD CHANGE IT TO: EVERY TEAR'S A MEMORY--CAUSE YOU'RE NOT HERE

KEEP HONING AWAY--YOU'LL FIND THE RIGHT MELODY!

Mackie

Excellent advice here for sure, Kimberly. The theme is a lovely one, and you have some good imagery. Focus now on creating a cohesive, consistent story.

As has been mentioned, there are many good songwriting books around. One of my personal favourites - in fact, it's beside me as I write this - is "Songwriting for Dummies" by Peterik, Austin, and Bickford. it covers pretty much everything about structure and the functions of lyrical sections, and is very easy to get through. Pat Pattison's online tutorials are also fantastic.

And do try out Douglas' suggestion. A favourite song of my own was based on the structure of a Tim Buckley song. Once I had the metering down, it was easy to come up with a completely different melody.

Donna

You have some good turns of phrase and a good hook going.....but you can't write lyrics or songs without a beat, rhythm, structure, etc. as the others have told you here. Music is very mathematical. That and the patterns and the repetition are what get our feet tapping in time with the music.

As an example, I would suggest you look at the following pattern and somehow fit your words to it.

Verse 1, 4 lines to each verse, 8 beats to each line

Verse 2, same as verse 1, different lyrics to advance the story

Chorus, 6 lines to the chorus, 8 beats to a line, summarize and celebrate the story to this point and use the hook (title) at the end.

Verse 3, same as verse 1, different words,

repeat chorus.

You can do a few of these and then think about branching out.

I am in St. Pete....you?

Good idea! The line Every tear holds a memory of you here
should be part of your chorus. Try a consistant rhyme pattern for your verses, like the 1st an 3rd lines or 2nd and 4th lines in your verses and chorus.

Sorry for your loss!!!!!

GOD Bless!!!!