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Florida
by bennash - 06/07/26 09:34 PM
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Joined: Sep 2009
Posts: 9,003 Likes: 1
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ANOTHER WISHFUL THINKING--HAPPY SONG--COMMENTS WELCOME--
EDIT#1 DOTTIE
EDIT#2 SHAYNE
EDIT 3 TRAVIS
EDIT#4 KRISTI
I NEED A MAN
© 2012 Mackie Humphries
V1
She brightens up this honky tonk
In [color:#CC33CC]TIGHT Wranglers ready to romp
She begs the Band TO PLAY a Waltz
We all LOVE her SEXY cowgirl talk.
V2
The whole club knows she’s come HERE fishin’
ON Saturday night FOR love and kissin’
She walks my way her eyes flashin’
WITH hips swingin she's high steppin’.
CH
With a silver buckle and Texas boots
Her SOFT voice askin’ “wanna boot-scoot”?
I tip my hat and take her hand
She whispers low…. “I need a man”
HER WORDS ECHO….“I need a man”.
...................SOLO...................
BR
She knows how to please a crowd
As WE glide by applause is loud
NOW SHE HAS ME dancin’ on a cloud.
CH
Her silver buckle and fancy boots
Her SOFT voice sayin’ “wanna boot-scoot”?
I tip my hat and take her hand
She whispers low…."I need a man”
HER WORDS ECHO…“I need a man”.
TAG
I tip my hat and take her hand
………………."I'll be HER man”
………………."I'll be HER man”.[/color]
Mackie
Last edited by Mackie H.; 04/30/12 03:38 AM.
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Joined: Apr 2010
Posts: 3,411
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Hey Mackie
Another nice lyric,and if we didn't have wishful thinking life wouldn't be worth living
Take it easy
U.K. Joe
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Joined: Jul 2010
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Hi Mackie, You have another cowboy song here. I think you were a cowboy in your previous life! The problem I see here is in the chorus. CH With a silver buckle and Texas boots Her deep voice askin’ “wanna boot-scoot”? I wonder why you gave her a deep voice rather than a soft voice? Also since this is country I think it needs to be conversational and I've never had anyone to ask me to boot scoot. Last but not least Lisa tells me not to repeat words unless I'm setting up a pattern like a refrain so I don't think I'd have boot in line one and two.  I tip my hat and take her hand I really like this line. She whispers low, “I need a man”. I will look for this on the mp3 board in the coming days. Dottie
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Joined: May 2009
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Hey Mackie,
Tweaks below, keep or sweep V1 She brightens up this dreary ol' honky tonk In her tight-fittin' Wranglers' she’s ready to romp She begs the Band "Please play another Waltz" We love to hear her sweet sexy cowgirl talk. V2 The whole club knows that she’s come there fishin’ For a whole night of Saturday lovin' and kissin’ She struts my way with her eyes a-flashin’ Her hips start twistin' with incredible passionCH With a silver buckle and Texas boots Her deep voice askin’ “wanna boot-scoot”? ( the "deep voice" brings to mind that she may not be a woman!...and the bootscootin' craze...hasn't that died down since the 90's?) ) I tip my Stetson hat and gently take her hand She whispers softly, “I need a man”. ...................SOLO...................
“I usually start with a title or maybe a little rhyme or phrase.” - Harlan Howard
Co-writing = Compromise!
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Joined: Sep 2009
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UK JOE--
YEAH, IT DOES HELP TO BE A DREAMER--THANKS FOR YOU THOUGHTS!
LATER,
Mackie
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Joined: Jun 2011
Posts: 12,380 Likes: 8
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Hi Mackie
You sure love these kinda bars!
Just another idea for the B
The message was clear in her eyes
she chose me over all those guys
need you with me through the night
Best of luck with it
Travis
We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
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Joined: May 2007
Posts: 3,831 Likes: 2
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Hi Mackie,
I thought the same thing as Shayne with the deep voice! Not sure why, but it did cross my mind, just to let you know. My mind wants to hear the hook more...one suggestion is to add a couple lines to the chorus and repeat it there?
You have lots of good visuals here and I can see the action happening!
Kristi
A musician must make music, an artist must paint, a poet must write,
if he is to be ultimately at peace with himself. What a man can be,
he must be. -- Abraham Maslow, American Psychologist
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DOTTI--
THANKS--USED SOFT!
IF YOU LEARN THE BOOT SCOOT BOOGIE A STEP IN THE ROUTINE IS A SCOOT--CALLED A HITCH--THEY DI IT EVERY SAT. NIGHT!
I APPRECIATE YOUR HELP--
Mackie
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Joined: Sep 2009
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SHAYNE--
USED SOME OF YOUR IDEAS MODIFIED (MORE SINGABLE)--ALWAYS APPRECIATE YOUR CHECKING MY LYRICS--THEY STILL DO THE BOOT-SCOOTIN' AT THE DANCE CLUBS--IT'S ALMOST A SYNONYM FOR DANCE! I ORIGINALLY WROTE "SOFT VOICE" IT'S BACK!
LATER,
Mackie
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TRAVIS--
I APPRECIATE THE HELP--MODIFIED THE BR--IN RED!
LATER,
Mackie
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Kristi--
Thanks for checking this lyric and giving your take--I just added an echo in the CH:
HER WORDS ECHO.... “I need a man”. Check the edits above in orange purple red and green--see if the edits work a little better--I appreciate your input!
Mackie
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