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Florida
by bennash - 06/07/26 09:34 PM
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Joined: Aug 2010
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Breakfast for hearts less championed
Just a cigarette.... some beer,
the hair of pit bulls.... that have bit me
can't seem to find a way that's clear.
Used to wake up to sweet kisses,
and a breakfast of delight
but now I chase the wee hours,
hugging drinks that don't hold tight.
Chorus-
Monday Moaning blues have come to call
and my love's done caught a train....
to a place where I'm not welcomed
cause I'd only bring her pain,
I had my shots of honeyed lips,
far too quickly they fell drained,
so now I'm subbing shots of whiskey
just to pickle what remains.
Daily lunch at greasy fast foods,
full of calories and salt,
till my body starts to tremor
like that San Adrea fault.
then it's off to find a barroom
for commiserating with
a barkeep who's "Heard it all, Bud."
bringing drinks to drown love's myth.
Chorus-
Hump day's just my camel's smoking
cause my love's done caught a train....
to a place where I'm not welcomed
cause I'd only bring her pain,
had my shots of honeyed lips,
far too quickly they fell drained,
so now I'm subbing shots of whiskey
just to pickle what remains.
Lately I've been skipping dinner
there's no candlelit romance
love has left me growing thinner,
tightening belts on baggy pants.
Bridge~
If I waste away to nothing
then there's nothing left to waste,
alcohol brings my solutions
to the pain I must erase.
Chorus-
Friday brings a weak end
to the work that I must do
to supports antidotes needed
for those Monday moaning blues...
I had my shots of honeyed lips
far too quickly they fell drained
now I'm subbing shots of whiskey
just to pickle what remains.
Art~Whimsically Yours Studio
MFB III Productions-(c)-2o12
Last edited by MFB III; 03/13/12 02:56 AM.
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Joined: Sep 2009
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MFB--
BEER BY CANDLELIGHT AIN'T MUCH FUN--
GONNA HAVE TO PULL YO-SELF UP AND GET ON LINE--MAY JUST FIND SOMEONE WAY OUT THERE, NEEDING CANDLELIGHT TOO!
WRITE ON--
MACKIE
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Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 8,490
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Hey MFB-- His love affair's now with the liquor! Sad, great write! Lisa
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Joined: Jun 2011
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ouch! Feels like an old romance of mine that went belly up.Who hasn't been there?
Travis
We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars. Oscar Wilde
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Joined: Jan 2003
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been there done it MFB!!! :)) scotty
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Joined: May 2007
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Hi MFB,
Clever hook. Such sad descriptions bring this alive! Deep writing takes us on journeys like this...great job!
Kristi
A musician must make music, an artist must paint, a poet must write,
if he is to be ultimately at peace with himself. What a man can be,
he must be. -- Abraham Maslow, American Psychologist
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Hey Mackie, Lisa, Travis, Richard and Kristi, thanks for the read, I appreciate the comments. I write a lot in a third person style, my life is a bit more sober than this, But I had friend who used to cut my hair, which wasn't often, cause I'm an old hippie. He drank himself to death in a few short months after his wife left him and took the kids. This song's for him and all the others like him that pickle their livers to escape the pain. Godspeed Richard.... and hey Thanks again for the lsiten to all of you.~~~MFB III
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Joined: Jan 2005
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blues blues blues,i love love love 'em!A good write MFB!
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Hey Michael thanks so much, just got pick out some blues chords for this one. TGhanks for the read. ~~MFB III
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Hi MFB, This is once of my favorites from you! Wow you have some awesome images in here! I saw something that I thought might be a typo; far too quickly they fell drained, Should that be felt?  Dottie
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Hey Dottie, thanks for the suggestion, I like the word felt there too, I will change it on my remix. Thanks again.~~~~MFB III
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Hey MFB
Another great lyric,I hope you don't mind if i make a couple of suggestions for slight changes.vs2 "But now I chase away the hours"-"hugging drinks that get me tight". and in the chorus change supping for subbing (unless of course you're implying the guy is broke and can't afford to buy his own drinks)in which case please Ignore(LoL). Anyway Just a thought
All the best
Joe
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Hey Joe. Like the suggestions.... have to put them in when i re-record this one....thanks for the read. ~~~MFB III
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Joined: Apr 2007
Posts: 7,386
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Hey MFB, I found this to be a very compelling, almost stream-of-consciousness piece. OODLES of great lines! You've put some clever twists on some common phrases, like... the hair of pit bulls.... that have bit me
& Hump day's just my camel's smoking
...turning them into some neat mixed metaphors. Even the hook, Monday MOANING Blues. Smart! Ultimately, while the notion of Drowning one's sorrows in drink is certainly common enough, I think you approached this man's journey in a very unique and refreshing way. Nice work ... Beth
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Hey Beth, Nice to read your comments. you always have a way of inspiring folks. thanks so much for your kind words. ~~MFB III
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Joined: Jun 2005
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Very good...the first line phrasing stopped me , should draw me in
maybe
Breakfast for champion losers
Bowl of cigarettes...six beer
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giving you the old thumbs up MFBIII. good old country song.
douglas
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Hey Neil Thanks for the suggestions, I'll give it a sing....and Doug thanks for the thumb, I'll use it to hitchhike this one to Nashville..."FAT Chance"~~LOL~~~MFB III
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