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This is a new version with my new band...a few here might have heard this before. My lead vocal, though it's better than some past attempts.

Stormcloud

c. 2007 Jay Brieler

Verse 1
Tempest was the queen of the hippie beauties
An orange poppy blossom in full bloom
She drank the lightning from the bottle
And spent the hidden treasure way too soon

Lift 1
The sun arrives so quickly without sleeping
And never seems to come when you're weeping

Verse 2
Tempest moved like feathers on a river
Dancing in the rapids far from shore
She sang like sparks amid the starlight
Drifting off as if nobody heard

Lift 2
The years they roll by fast when you're burning
And minutes drag forever when you're learning

Chorus
Living free has stripped away
Soft smooth curves and her baby face
Loving strong has left some scars
Leaving her eyes cold and hard
She still has some living left to do
And she still loves like stormclouds rolling through

Verse 3
Tempest wades with children in the ocean
Splashing salty footsteps while they play
She shakes her dripping hair when they go deeper
Laughing out her warning "Not today"

Lift 3
It only takes a second to go under
And years to find a way to return

Chorus
Living free has stripped away
Soft smooth curves and her baby face
Loving strong has left some scars
Leaving her eyes cold and hard
She still has some living left to do
And she still loves like stormclouds rolling through

Hey there Nevergoback.......This is a Great song!! Love the writing, love the recording...all performances are on it!

I also like the Jethro Tull "feel".....-Tom

W O W

This is really something to be proud of.

I'm a fan !

LOVED it all.


Calvin


http://www.soundclick.com/bands/0/calvinstewart

I like this song. The lyrics are really good. Your voice has some similarities to Roger McGuinn. Well done!

Alright,i like this one all the way through!Nice imagery!

Nicely mystical and interesting stuff here.

Doug

Hi Jay,

I may have heard this before and I may have said different things then than I'm going to say now. Music affects me differently at different times. I have a few suggestions below I think they will all be minor I've haven't heard the whole song yet.

Verse 1
Tempest was the queen of the hippie beauties
An orange poppy blossom in full bloom
She drank the her lightning from the bottle Or maybe just drank lightning I'm just not crazy about (the) (her) makes it more personal.
And spent the her hidden treasure way too soon I take that back because I think (her) will work better in this line.

Lift 1
The sun arrives so quickly without sleeping
And never seems to come when you're weeping This sounds very poetic and general but I think it works in this kind of song.

Verse 2
Tempest moved like feathers on a river I'm getting a floating image I guess that's what you meant.Dancing in the rapids far from shore So this line takes me from floating to rapids. I'm a little confused I almost think you mean she likes living dangerously, is that right. I feel a bit of disconnect from feathers on the river to this line.
She sang like sparks amid the starlight
Drifting off as if nobody heard I think it all sounds cool I'm just not sure I understand the meaning.

Lift 2
The years they roll by fast when you're burning
And minutes drag forever when you're learning Again these sound good but I don't understand the meaning. Back in the 60's songs were often written so no one knew the true meaning so perhaps that's what you intended.

Chorus
Living free has stripped away I understand the chorus and I like it.
Soft smooth curves and her baby face
Loving strong has left some scars
Leaving her eyes cold and hard
She still has some living left to do
And she still loves like stormclouds rolling through

Verse 3
Tempest wades with children in the ocean
Splashing salty footsteps while they play
She shakes her dripping hair when they go deeper I don't understand what the last 2 lines here mean. It could just be me!
Laughing out her warning "Not today"

Lift 3
It only takes a second to go under
And years to find a way to return

Chorus
Living free has stripped away
Soft smooth curves and her baby face
Loving strong has left some scars
Leaving her eyes cold and hard
She still has some living left to do
And she still loves like stormclouds rolling through

Even though I don't understand all of it I think it sounds cool. You have some really cool and DEEP lines.

Dottie

Nice tune Jay. It's got a fantastic lyrical hook (stormclouds rolling through).

Lyrically I'm not sure how loving strong leaves your eyes cold and hard.

-------------------------------------- g# - f# - e
Melodically on the last line you sing rolling through (those are the melody notes).


-------------------- g# - e - e
I'd suggest singing rolling through. This would create a tie-in with the rest of your chorus melody. As it is the g# - f# - e figure gets INTRODUCED at the end of the chorus. I'm not sure it's going to do much for your listeners.

Nice tune. The band sounds great. If I were producing this, I'd auto-tune your vocal, but I have a feeling you have feelings about that? Really good work overall.

Peace,

Ian