JPF Home Page Forums Creative Arts Forums Creative Writing Forum Hi, My Name IS Ben/ His story

Hi ya'll, this is a short Christmas story that I've written, just thought I'd bump it for Christmas..this one came to me in my dreams, so I hope you will enjoy it for what it is,Louis did a cowrite with me and trimmed it down for a song and he did the demo on it. So would like to bump the short story along with the mp3 demo Louis did. thanks glyn

http://soundclick.com/share?songid=7187294

A boy Named Ben

Hi, my name is Ben
I can't hear you so
Please talk to my face, if you don't mind,
so I can understand you
I hope this doesn't bother you in any way.

I make these Christmas stars
you can hang them on your tree
Or any where You please.
I call these My 8 point chistmas stars.

I cut them out of shiny paper
work them together, dip them in wax
and sprinkle them with glitter.
They are 12 for a dollar.

I always take my time
to make sure each one comes out perfect.
They come in many colors
you may mix and match anyway you please.

You can buy what I have on me
or I'd be happy to take your order
it only takes a day or two to return
them to you.

If you'd please write down
on this piece of paper
what you'd like to have.
Merry Christmas and Happy New Year.

P.S. We live in the yellow house
with the white fence
just round the bend
Mom and Pa said to drop on by anytime you please.

Next day a lady from down the road
went to the yellow house
in hopes of buying more of the
Christmas stars.

She had taken them to her church
and they were a big hit
everyone wanted to buy them
and she needed to get as many as she could get.

She took a basket of fruit
as a Christmas token.

She was met at the door
by an old gray gentleman
and when she asked for Ben
he turned and called his wife.

Why do you ask for our son
Ben isn't here anymore
he was killed 15 years ago
while out selling his Christmas stars.

He could'nt hear you know
and he didn't hear the car
as it came round the bend there
It was getting dark ya know.

The driver didn't see him
until it was too late
He honked his horn
but, of course Ben couldn't hear him.

Oh, I see your're holding one of his stars
My, how that makes me happy to see someone
still has some
that really brightens my day to see that
his stars still live on.


He really took alot of pride in making them
I'd never seen him any happier than when
he was making his Christmas stars.
He couldn't wait to go out and sell them.

Well, anyway, Merry Christmas
and thank you for the fruit basket
I'm sure we'll enjoy it
thanks for coming by, we don't get
many visits anymore.

She turned and left with out
another word
as she held the star in her hands,
she looked up to heaven
and just said,
Merry Christmas to you too God!

Hi! My Name is Ben

Glynda - This is a touching story. In the first "verse", I think you should be very clear about Ben being deaf, maybe like:

Hi, my name is Ben
I can't hear you so
Please talk to my face, if you don't mind,
so I can understand you
I hope this doesn't bother you in any way.


Overall, this is good. I think you could even trim it down and make it a song if you wanted! Good job.

Katie, again thank you, my first intentions were to make it a song, I'm just not sure where to trim it, but, i'll work on it. And you're right, I like what you have put about the first verse.
I'm really new to this, I don't know why but so much stuff comes to me, it never did before, but it's like for some reason all this stuff is coming pouring out of me. thanks again, and I do really appreciate your advice. glyn

This one touches us all........some might not have the cojones to admit it....

But.....you did well here. Very well....

Sam, thank you so much, I enjoyed writing it too, I'm working on getting it in shape to be a song, don't know where or even how to get it on a demo, I don't do music, and don't sing anymore, damage to my airways. Anyway, thanks your reply means alot to me. glyn

bump

HiYa Mz G!

This is a Sweet One...& Quite an Enjoyable Read!

It's SO Good I honestly don't have a Single Sug to offer ya.

It's easy to make a NARRATED Song out of it...just Add Music & read this as-penned. (Give a Listen to Jimmy Dean's "I.O.U. Mom" Mother's Day Song...it's a JEWEL...sort of along this line.)

"KUDOS" & Good Luck with a Dandy of a Lyric,
Big Hugs,
Stan

Why thank you Stan. Like I said for some reason this one came to me in my sleep, don't know why, don't know any deaf boys or anyone that makes stars. But my dream was so to the point and in every detail. so I just retold it like my dream..thanks again. glyn

HI want to bump this one for xmas also, now Louis has done a co-write on this with me and did a demo on it..but would like you to see the short story for xmas and hear the demo too..thanks and hope you all have a very Merry Christmas..glyn

Howdy Sister G, this could be a lyric, a poem, or short story.
In fact, it already is. This is really good, right up there
with Cowboy Down, & I haven't even listened yet.......I'll be back after I give it a spin..........Gus

Howdy Sister G, Louis. Holy Simolian! ! !. I must have a download of this ASAP. You also need to tell me where the updated Lyrics
can be found, I need to see them. This is so simple, & so GOOD.
Louis, what a home run on the lyric adjustments, music, vocals.
This needs to be in the MP3 forum as well as here, I couldn't
find it there at least?.....Thanks for sharing,I'll be back..Gus

You two did a bang up job on this one. It needs to be on MP3 with updated lyrics like Gus said. Great job. I love it.

Steve

Ok, I'll see iffin I can find them..thanks glyn

bump

Hi Glynda and Louis... first time I read the story and I want dreams like that as well....

Both me and Helen love the song and the way its sung as well...

God Bless Roy

Hey Roy, sorry just now saw this, so happy you like this, and I love Loius guitar and vocals and the way he trimmed it down for a song too...this is a great Christmas story....glyn

hey Glynda, don't walk, run to the mailbox and send this to your local papers, and see if they will run it as a Christmas story, It is heartwarming, bittersweet, and it has such a great Christmas feel to it, the baby Jesus came under a star, that everyone was in awe of, and sadly he lit the world with his wonders for such a short while and then he too died. He was deaf to his fears until the garden of Gethsame, when he begged God "Father, if it be thy will....Take this cup away from me, I don't want to bear it's burdens..." but he went anyway to face death on a cross, I love this story and I am sure some editor will too....you have one word mispelled...shinny is shiny. otherwise it's a masterpiece. ~~~MFB III

I publish all the time in newspapers, thousand upon thousdands of folks read my work and send me letters or call to thank me...you should give it a go when you write a gem like this one.
If you can't get it published let me know, I will publish it for you in a local paper here, though it will have to be next year since I have already met and sent in all of my deadlines for Christmas. Thanks.~~~MFB III

Why thank you Matt, this makes me feel good you like it so much, just another story out of my head...glyn

I'm bumping this one again for Christmas and need to look up the rewrite that Louis did for me for the song...is't slightly different than this original story....glyn

bump again for xmas...tks...glyn

bumping for this Christmas 2013..hope you like it..glyn