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"Open Heart Perjury"

� DANOLYRICS---2001

Riding home from dinner,
I knew something wasn`t right,
She barely touched her food,
Hardly said a word all night,

We walked into the kitchen,
Then she split my chest apart,
With the lie that she`d been living,
At the expense of my heart.

She performed open heart perjury,
When she lied about her love,
Then she motioned for dismissal,
And said she`d be packing up,
Now I know she ain`t a doctor,
And this table ain`t a witness stand,
But her open heart perjury,
Might end up killin an innocent man.

You know I never thought it`d happen,
No, not to someone like me,
I wish I`d seen the warning signs,
Of what was going to be,

But now I feel the pain,
Of the choice that she made,
And her words they cut right through me,
Like a cold and sterile blade.

She performed open heart perjury,
When she lied about her love,
Then she motioned for dismissal,
And said she`d be packing up,
Now I know she ain`t a doctor,
And this table ain`t a witness stand,
But her open heart perjury,
Might end up killin an innocent man.

Yeah, her open heart perjury,
Might end up killin an innocent man.

She performed open heart perjury...,
When she lied about her love...

[This message has been edited by Dan windowman (edited 12-06-2001).]

Best hook and use of it, I have seen in a while Dano. Kudos.

dawg

Evening, Dan,

Well, the title sucked me right in. Very clever. I hate to 'critique', with so many flaws of my own, but I noticed a couple of things...

maybe shorten the 6th line of the chorus to 'this table ain't a witness stand' since you've already placed her in the kitchen in the above verse...

then the 2nd line, 2nd verse, maybe 'not to someone sweet as me'.

Just those two little things, otherwise, it's great. I really enjoyed reading this. Very creative, ***** and two thumbs up.

Blessings tonight...Clark

My kinda hook Dan...used well!

I too would nuke KITCHEN...AND on this line:

Might end up killin an honest man.

I'd use the word INNOCENT instead of HONEST just to keep the whole "trial" thing throughout the story.

Real nice stuff.

Hi WindaGuy!

On First Read, I kinda get Mixed Emotions because ya Mixed The Medical Profession with the Legal Profession (& Evabody KNOWS they DON'T get ALONG too Wonderfully Well, in Real Life...) :-)

I'll let this Percolate & Come back again with a Verdict..er, Opinion, OK, Amigo?

Big Guy-Hug,
Stan

Hiya, Danodude! I had the same reaction as Stan the first time through the chorus, but by the second time, it wasn't bothering me. Do what you want with that. I'm agreeing with taking "kitchen" out of the line in the chorus and I'm with Blake on "innocent" instead of honest. Other than that, I'm nitless. Really neat idea. You are such a clever guy!

Rickibabe

Love your hooks Dano, this is just the latest example in a long line!

No probs IMO on the doctor lawyer thing. Both are alluded to in the hook, so you almost NEED it there.

bd i'd say.

Extra clever hook Dan! Kudos!! Plenty of witty lines in here. I kinda liked the mixing of medicine/law. Very original. I vote to nuke KITCHEN and love Blake's idea of INNOCENT! Really enjoyed this!

This is my first comment on this board all month. (I've been browsing here and there, but haven't had Internet access at home and haven't been in much of a mood to post anyway.) The title of this lyric was enough to lure me out of retirement. You've done about as good a job as you can with this hook, but gawd, is it a bad hook, IMO. Some puns just aren't meant to be made into hooks, IMO, and this is one of 'em. It's a groaner to begin with, and worse yet, it makes you hafta juggle two widely different themes-- surgery and jurisprudence. I think an idea like this is better off in the wastebasket.

But I've been wrong before! I applaud the effort nonetheless. This works about as well as it can, but it's like making a really snazzy Edsel.

Anthony

Dawg, Clark, Blake, Tampa, Ricki, John And Janice!

Dawg,

That my friend is an awesome compliment! Thanks. Dan.

Clark,

Thanks for the kind words and suggestions! I had that sixth line shortened originally...but threw in another kitchen for some reason. Will edit that out. I went with the "not someone like me line"...because it fit into the heart problems angle that the second verse starts with. Probably stick with that`n cause of that. Thanks again...and we all have them same flaws you speak of! They`re not just yours. Thanks again. Dan.

Blake,

Heh-heh...I knew you`d get hooked on the hook! I will nuke kitchen from the chorus and innocent is a perfect tweak as well. Why didn`t I think of that one??? DUH! Thanks for looking in...and offering them perfect tweaks! Dan.

Tampa,

Have a ZIN or three buddy, and you`ll melt them right together. I recall a little ditty some fellas did a few years back with the line "make em be doctors and lawyers and such" in it. I guess them fellas did OK with it I`m bettin it`s ok to mix em. I`ll check back in and see if I got ya on the wagon or not. Thankee for lookin in big guy. Dan.

Ricki,

Thanks Bemidjibabe! Yup, will do Blake`s fixes pronto. Thanks for noticing my "CLEVERITY". We`ll put it too good use! Dan.

John,

Thank ya Johnny V! We think alot alike! How scary is that??? I figured I needed to use both to fully support the hook. As them thumbs up indicate...my inthreeition was correct. Thanks again. Dan.

Janibama,

Thanks for the kudos Bama! Now I have enough of them saved up I can get that invisible ink pen...so I can write invisible lyrics. I`d post some on the board for ya after I get it...but you wouldn`t be able to see em. Glad you enjoyed it...nuking kitchen...using innocent. Thanks again. Dan.

Thanks again everyone!

Anthony,

Heh-heh...now if there was any way I could get Brooks and Dunn to cut this one, you`d probably jump out your apartment window wouldn`t ya? I`ll file your comments in my special #13 file. A groaner? Too clever for ya I guess. Thanks for giving your honest opinion though. If all I did was lure you out of lurking...ha-ha, made ya look! Dan.

Good one. Is it possible to use "did a" instead of "perfomed"?

Leif

Leif,

Thanks for checking it out. I mulled over a long list of words for that...but performed seemed to fit best for the idea-bending I was going for. Thanks again for lookin in. Dan.

KUDOS DanoBro!!
I loved it!
The only suggestion I had Blake gave but I would change it to This honest man.

Tu Amiga
SistaRia

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http://angelfire.lycos.com/amiga/riassonglyrics

This is pretty good dan. Hok is a grabber.
I would think about opening with "All the way through dinner" though as you go o with dinner scene in her and the driving hove seemed a bit out of it for me.Innocent would be better but i couldn't ge6t it to sing there.
Like it.
REgards.
Graham

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http://artists2.iuma.com/IUMA/Bands/Graham_Henderson/

Hi Dan: Yeah, that title sucked me right in. I think you did a decent job with it, as it sort of writes itself. I find the legal/medical juxtaposition a little over the top, but, in a lyric like this, why not? Good luck with it. /Glen

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Glen King
http://www.4-hits.com

Yep, I'd be jumpin'. There are workable titles and there are unworkable titles, that's all. "Perjury/surgery" might make a clever rhyme if used in an unforced way, but that's as far as I'd take it. BTW, thanks for placing my comments in a special file!

Anthony

HI Dan!

Second Read, 2 Glasses of Zin, & THIS Jury's STILL Out!

Got an 8PM House Call to Sober Up For...Will Return when the Coffee's done its Wonders & Try Again to Say Somethin' Profound...heh-heh!

But I AM A-Thinkin' 'boutcha here!

Big Guy-Hug II,
Stan

SistaRia, Graham, Glen, Anthony, and StanZin.

Ria,

Thanks for the kudos! I had honest in there to begin with! Changed it to innocent. I guess either will work. Innocent adds a sillybull so as big G said, it sings a bit rougher. Now I`m torn! Thanks again for stopping by. DanoBro.

Graham,

Thanks. I`m glad you like it. I like your change for the opening line. I`m thinking of this...

All the way through dinner,
I knew something wasn`t right,
She barely touched her food,
Hardly said a word all night,

Got home and walked in the kitchen,
Then she split my chest apart,
With the lie that she`d been living,
At the expense of my heart.

I think that tightens it up even better. Thanks for the idea Graham.

Glen,

Thanks for the words of encouragement sir.

Anthony,

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Stan,

While your pondering your "profinding", check your dang e-mail, would ya!

Thanks again to all. Dan.

Man, whatta song. If this gets any cleverer you'll hafta apply for Mensa!

Love the hook and the dual-occupation references. Doesn't get any better than this...


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Best Regards and Aloha,

Charlie
http://artists2.iuma.com/IUMA/Bands/Wong_Songs/index-1.html