JPF Home Page Forums Lyric and MP3 Feedback Lyric Feedback Forum 2 SO MANY WAYS

SO MANY WAYS
(c)2005
(1)
So Many Ways, I think of you.
So Many Ways, I speak of you.
So Many Ways, that I see you, beside me.
(2)
So Many Ways, I ponder you.
So Many Ways, I play with you.
So Many Ways, I feel for you,
I reach out to you.
()
From the beginning,
It was love at first sight.
Thought I was winning,
Then you went off in the night.
(3)
So Many Ways, that I miss you.
So Many Ways, that I need you.
So Many Ways, that I want you, beside me.
()
From the beginning,
It was love at first sight.
Thought I was winning,
Then you went off in the night.
(break)
So here I'm standing,
Not understanding,
Where I am standing, with you.
I guess it's over,
Our roll in clover,
Try to get over, you.
()
So Many Ways, that I counted on you,
So Many Ways, So Many Ways,
I know that all that is through.
(bridge)
It's an empty life now,
Don't know how or if I'll,
Get through another days' trials,
Only time I ever smile,
When I think of you.
(4)
So Many Ways, I yearn for you.
So Many Ways, I burn for you.
So Many Ways, I dream of you,
Right here, beside
Me and you can make it O.K.,
Me and you another new day,
Me and you and
So Many Ways of love...
***
I wanted to try and write a 'torch' song.
The music is good, but, not too sure of
the lyric. chords like: Em7, Gm6, Am7, B7.
Em7


[This message has been edited by troubadour (edited 12-02-2005).]

and by the way thank-you for teaching me how to edit...

"So many" is a very vague term, Troubadour. I'd go for a different phrase that gives it more energy - maybe something like "Can't count the ways". It's just that "so many" doesn't describe any number at all. How many is "so"? Hope that makes sense.

"From the beginning,
It was love at first sight.
Thought I was winning,
Then you went off in the night."

Why does this section repeat? Line 1 seems redundant in light of line 2. It couldn't be love at first sight at any other time than the beginning. Thought you were winning what? Looks like a reach for a rhyme with "beginning".

The ending seems a little tacked-on. The song up to that point is a single emotion - despair, to my mind - it's hopeless and she's gone for good. But suddenly it's "you and I can make it". It doesn't fit, IMO.

The structure's very unusual - AABCBDAEAA. It would be interesting to hear the music that goes with it.

There are some good lines in here, I think, but it could use some re-writes, in my opinion.

Just my two cents.

- James


------------------
You can really only please one songwriter at a time. Might as well be yourself! :^)


Samples of my music at www.soundclick.com/jamesmitchell.htm

Yeah I know it does suck, but it goes real swell with the music...if you could hear the music, you wouldn't be interested in the words...James if you think it needs a rewrite, then rewrite time it is! Or perhaps this one just goes up the chimney...

I firmly believe that no one person, besides the songwriter him/herself, should determine whether something needs a re-write. If you like it as-is, go for it, and more power to you!

All we're here for is to give feedback to fellow writers. We all do it from our own biases and backgrounds. Take what works for you and, please... *ignore* the rest.

You can only really please one songwriter at a time. It might as well be yourself. It's the only way that I know of to be ultimately happy with your own work.

- James

Basically I just like to write music...alot of the times words just seem to get in the way...everything starts out as an instrumental...as I listen to it over and over again, the music seems to tell me what words it wants with it...hence the irregular structure and the strange wordings...perhaps I don't write the lyric at all, the music does!

Do you like writing the words? If not, you might try teaming up with a lyricist. There are many great lyrics-only songwriters who'd jump at the chance of putting words to an existing tune.

Just a thought.

- James

I tried that one time. Worked two weeks on his lyric rewriting, composing, arranging, writing out sheet music, recording a tape, and mailing it off to him. Then I was told, 'that my music didn't go with his lyric'! That was it! I put the cloth over the piano for a couple of weeks after that...what kind of music goes to a story about a drunken bar queen, who can't keep her clothes on because they're too tight and the fool who chases and lusts after it...I guess you have to be careful who you work with or you can put in a lot of wasted hours for nothing. But how do you know?

I was thinking the other way around -- you write an instrumental and then have someone submit a lyric to go with the existing instrumental. It's easier on you that way. Then you get to say, "The lyric doesn't go with my music."

I know what you mean about pouring work into it and having it get dropped at the end. Very discouraging. I set a lyric to what I thought was wonderful music (of course, I would ) that was perfect for the period - a flappers song set in the early 20's, just as the guy had requested, for a musical set back in the roaring 20's.. the lyricist was very specific that the music should sound just as if it came from 1918/1919 with only "hints" of the 20's in it. So I constructed it exactly to period. (I love that period, so it was a lot of fun.)

The guy came back with "It's not modern enough." Ok... now which one of us was missing the boat here? LOL

- James


[This message has been edited by JamesM (edited 12-07-2005).]