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When a Star Hits the Moon

Enigma was a pantomime
Lost in a maze of heart
He never knew which way to go
To the finish or the start.
Deep within a see through maze
His hands defined the space
And there's so much of it
Between love and death’s embrace.

When a star hits the moon
Its mark can’t be erased
If not for all those falling stars
The moon would have no face...

Enigma was a falling star
Caught between now and never—
On one hand there was blinding light
The other cast shadows forever.
His tears were either black or white
Depending which way he faced
For tears of joy and sorrow all
Share the same salty taste.

When a star hits the moon...

A falling star is but a meteor
The atmosphere makes them shine
Though they don’t light up
Before reaching the moon
Are they any less divine

Enigma was a pantomime
Painted in black and white
His stage a crater on the moon
Where the dark side meets the light.
His head in a tower of ivory
Ebony dungeons hold him down
And so we find him stuck between
Phases of smiles and frowns.

When a star hits the moon
Its mark can’t be erased
If not for all those falling star
The moon would have no face...

© 2004 S K des Lauriers

I added a bridge

[This message has been edited by Stefan des Lauriers (edited 10-28-2004).]

How does one critique something so (to my puny noodle ) hard to fully understand??? Answer: Very carefully! So let me just confine my comments to specific things:

I'd say Enigma was a falling star first, since that leads into the first chorus better. Also, the "ain't" stuck out like a sore thumb, given the delicate and eloquent nature of the rest of the lyric.

Well, I guess that's about it. Very nice job here, all in all. I don't quite get what you're saying here, but there's some beautiful lines to behold. Good luck with this one, and welcome back to the board.

Anthony


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Anthony's BeSonic site-- Open 24 hours!

[This message has been edited by Anthony (edited 10-28-2004).]

Thanks Anthony,

Based on your comments I looked over the lyric to ascertain the original intent,
of this character sketch. Enigma is first and foremost a pantomime artist
who made it to the moon and became a star, thereby making an indelible imprint

I took out the word ain't


Stefan

I don't understand this at all, but I'm easily confused. However, these two lines,

"But then don’t tears of joy and sorrow
All share the same salty taste"

are wonderful.

Diane

WOW!!! This is one of those where I don't really care if I understood all of it or not...I just fell in love with it immediately. I think I did grasp most of the significance...but the eloquence just blew me away. LOVE IT!!

Had a couple of ideas for you to ponder:
INSIDE OF THAT TRANSLUCENT maze
His hands defined the space

I love your use of the ACE rhyme throughout. You have some great ones here.

I think this is my favorite of all the ones you have posted. Maybe a bit esoteric for some audiences, but I would love to hear this. It doesn't have to be country to be great.

Bobbie

Hi Diane and Bobbie,

Thanks for your comments. I had almost forgotten that I wrote this until the lunar
eclipse last night, I have an illustrated children's story that goes with it about a
pantomime who goes to a moon colony
to entertaine the colonists in an ampitheatre in a crater. He encounters difficulties due to reduced gravity and
cumbersome spacesuit which inhibits his expression.

I guess I'll keep it in my repetoire...

About being translucent, it goes without saying that a mimed maze is invisible

Stefan

I'm glad to read your explanation of this lyric. The lyric works a lot better in the context of a greater work, such as a children's book, or at the very least, with a written explanation like the one you gave. But even on its own, it has more than enough eloquence to overcome it's esoteric nature. Nice job once again.

Anthony

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Anthony's BeSonic site-- Open 24 hours!

HI Anthony,

Thanks,

By the way I added a bridge

Stefan

Hi Stefan

super cool imagery and design!!!

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http://www.ampcast.com/music/26305/artist.php

http://www.musickingdom.com/novel/Intro

is this you?

HI Sweetjoyce,

Yes that's me. The picture with guitar was taken around 1975.

This story may give insight into the song:

HOW THE MOON GOT ITS FACE

A crane is startled from the marsh.
Enigma watches dreamily as the spaceship blasts off to the moon.
His faithful dog Penumbra dreamily eyes the crane.
Living near Kennedy Space Center Enigma watched every one of the launchings. This time his gaze lingers long after the huge rocket disappears.
Penumbra, the dog, nuzzles his hand bringing him back to earth.
As a child Enigma would be outside playing with his shuttle hot rod shuttle when his mother would yell “Come in and do your homework.” He had wanted to be an astronaut but his marks were low in Science.
Enigma grew up to become a mime artist. He could tell amazing stories just by silently moving his body with ‘physical eloquence.’
Penumbra used to tag along when Enigma went to the city to do his act.
As each performance ended Penumbra the dog would pass the hat around.
Although Enigma became famous for the stories he mimed he longed for something greater. When he showered he would daydream of performing on the moon, standing at the place where the dark side met the light...
The moon colony is finally finished. Enigma is approached to fulfill his wildest dreams— to go there to entertain the troops. There is only room for 140 pounds on the next flight. Enigma weighs in at 138.
As Enigma blasts off he imagines that Penumbra the dog must be just a tiny speck; a freckle on the face of the earth.
Upon landing Enigma is asked to perform. Still dressed in his bulky spacesuit with the plexiglass faceshield He is lead to the stage.
The colonists are all in their spacesuits too, waiting outside in an amphitheater carved out of a giant crater
Enigma starts with ‘How the Moon got its face.’ “Since the dawn of time,” he mimes, “man has done terrible things to one another. Each time a person did something bad to someone a star would fall like a tear striking the moon. So many injustices turned the surface of the moon to dust. Each meteorite left a crater that could never be erased, so that is why the moon has a sad face.”
It is difficult for Enigma to make the moves that he is accustomed to because his weight is much less than what it is on earth. With his awkward space suit he is bouncing around and slipping in moon-dust. So his pantomime doesn’t make any sense.
His expressive face is hidden behind the face shield so no one can understand what his skit is all about. They don’t know whether to laugh or cry.
His own image is reflected in each of the colonists face shields much like the bank of television sets in an appliance store, all on the same channel. No one knows how to react so they just sit there.
Enigma is disheartened. This is his most moving number. When he had performed this on earth people had been moved to tears.
The commander senses things aren’t going well. He takes the young mime aside and suggests that they set up to do the performance inside.
This gives Enigma time to think. ‘Why must I have the greatest and worst moment of my life in the same instance?’
Just then he looks out the porthole and sees an earth rise. With its atmospheric halo the earth is a blue jewel displayed on black velvet with a million diamond stars. Then he realizes that he has been blessed with an incredible
gift—to see the earth shining in the heavens.
The next day Enigma performs, after getting used to the weight difference. With his expressive face unmasked he leaps in the air and pulls his body into the shape of a tear, then comes down gently to draw a circle of a moon dust crater. This time though, Enigma mimes how the moon could have a happy face.
(The shower fades. “Enigma, it’s time to do your homework...” )

© 1995 Stefan des Lauriers

Vivid imagery... very moving even though I don't completely 'get it'. This is one of those I bet would sound even better than it reads (and it does read good). Cool job.

CP

Thanks Corey,

I havee yet to set this to music

Stefan

I LOVE this! It's dynamite. I like Anthony's suggestion of making V2 your V1. Very cool writing.

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"Shoot for the moon, and even if you miss, you will land among the stars." -- Les Brown
http://www.soundclick.com/bands/8/triciabakermusic.htm

Hello Stefan,


Nice to meet ya !
Paints a cool picture & I like it.

This....flows great !
When a star hits the moon
Its mark can’t be erased
If not for all those falling stars
The moon would have no face...


Calvin

http://www.soundclick.com/bands/0/calvinstewartmusic.htm

Stefan

Excellent story, Spielberg should contact you!!!

Hi Tricia,, sweetjoyce and Calvin,

Thank you. About changing order of verses, the way they are adds mystery.

I almost forgot that I had written this version. I sat on it for 6 or 7 years>
Sometimes it's good to take a second look.

Stefan

Bobbie allus says things better than I ever could....so I'll parrot Her Reply.

The Scientist in me wants to argue you've mis-defined "Star" here...(Remember the ol' "Hot Glowing Ball of Burning Gasses" line?) Meteorites are WAY-Smaller bits of Stellar Debris...IMO.

The Chorus is REAL Interesting, even if not totally decipherable...& you've got many a Brilliant Line sprinkled thru this Baby! "KUDOS" for a Lyric I, too, can't claim to totally Understand. Add Beautiful Music, & it's destined to be a Crowd-Pleaser!

Big Guy-Hug,
Stan