JPF Home Page Forums Lyric and MP3 Feedback Lyric Feedback Forum 2 " Sunshine Girl "

A little different style , void of title hooks and such , but it is intended to be a quick-paced novelty sort of number -
all comments greatly appreciated !

SUNSHINE GIRL

you said I'd be your sunshine girl
your prime time interest true
and it sounded kinda nice to me
but I never really knew
that all your nights would not be mine
you'd be dropping me at the gate
then running off to someone else
and staying with her late

I did what you asked , I accepted your friends
and they seem to like me too
and they told me who you're seeing
and all she does for you
is that really what you're looking for
and what you're all about
cause your friends and I are getting along
and with that there is no doubt

(Chorus)
FRANK HE THINKS I'M BEAUTIFUL , AND AL AGREES WITH HIM TOO
JEFF SURE NEEDS A LOT OF HUGS , I KEPT WISHING IT WAS YOU
LITTLE ERIC KEEPS ON STOPPING BY , HE THINKS I'M , REALLY TALL
KEVIN TAKES ME BOWLING , AND HELPS THROW EVERY BALL
BOB HE BUYS ME FLOWERS , CHOCOLATES AND CANDY TOO
AND STAN HE LIKES TO CUDDLE UP , IT REMINDED ME OF YOU

last night you called and talked a bit
saying everything was fine
you said you were hanging out with Jeff
who was on the other line
last week you said it was Eric's car
that something wasn't right
I wanted to believe you
but he came around that night

your friends they know what's going on
they clearly see my needs
they sense that I'm a woman now
and needing to be pleased
is it something I do , is it something I don't
you keep saying things are fine
and I'm trying to cope , I'm doing my best
TO OCCUPY MY TIME

(Chorus)
FRANK HE THINKS I'M BEAUTIFUL , AND AL AGREES WITH HIM TOO
JEFF SURE NEEDS A LOT OF HUGS , I KEPT WISHING IT WAS YOU
LITTLE ERIC KEEPS ON STOPPING BY , HE THINKS I'M , REALLY TALL
KEVIN TAKES ME BOWLING , AND HELPS THROW EVERY BALL
BOB HE BUYS ME FLOWERS , CHOCOLATES AND CANDY TOO
AND STAN HE LIKES TO CUDDLE UP , IT REMINDED ME OF YOU

I have this thing on Saturday
and Sunday's , covered too
I'll call you when I get a chance
you know I'm thinking of you

how about Monday next week
oh wait , I spook to soon
lets make that Tuesday morning instead
I'm free from , 10:00 til noon

C A U S E

(Altered Chorus)
FRANK HE THINKS I'M BEAUTIFUL , AND AL SAYS IT IS TRUE
JEFF SURE NEEDS A LOT OF HUGS , GETTING BETTER AT IT TOO
LITTLE ERIC KEEPS ON STOPPING BY , HE'S REALLY NOT , LITTLE AT ALL
KEVIN TAKES ME BOWLING , STILL HELPS WITH EVERY BALL
BOB HE BUYS ME FLOWERS , I THANK HIM HOW I CAN
AND I FOUND I LIKE TO CUDDLE TOO ...
AND YOU COULD'A BEEN STAN

C - Don Martin - 2004

I'm kinda dense but if the girl is sleeping with all of these men, I don't think it has much of a chance. JMO. You obviously know how to write, so, good luck! What do I know.

Hmmmmm. She is rather popular. My only nit is the chorus seems wordy. I'd tighten that up some, I think.

Good morning Duke

There's nothing more sure in life than having your friends siding with your sweet neglected girlfriend , if they feel she deserves better treatment .
All it says she is doing is hugging, cuddling , and going bowling ?
A song is supposed to create a picture that suits what the listener imagines is going on , and I think there will see different views depending on how justified the listener sees her right to freedom .
Glad you dropped by , and equally glad I edited this one the way I did (although I agree it is still very suggestive yet .

Don



[This message has been edited by Canadianryme (edited 05-16-2004).]

Hey Tricia

Glad you dropped by , and thank you for the Hmmmmm !
I wanted her to be popular this way in sympathy respect , and tried to leave it up to the imagination of the listener as to how old she is (or active for that matter) .
The melody is very fast paced (sort of a sing-along style to the chorus part , and I wanted to keep all her activities within the chorus - hense the size .
I will keep all comments of JPF members handy when I do begin a re-write (as always), and I thank you for that advise - will give it attention and a close look when I get there .
Thanks again.

Don

Hey Don,

Real cute one

Bill

------------------
We too often throw the word "great" around like it was a frisbee, instead of the manhole cover it should be

Hi Don,
I agree with Tricia about the chorus being a little wordy. If you don't mind....

Frank thinks I'm beautiful, Al agrees it's true
Jeff needs a lot of hugs to chase away his blues
Eric's stopping over, never thinks to call
Kevin takes me bowling, then we play pinball
Bob buys me flowers, chocolate kisses too
Stan likes to cuddle, but I'm wishing it was you

Maybe something like that. But you know what works for you, so keep or sweep. Otherwise sounds pretty good.

Thanks for your kind reply on mine. Appreciate it.

Mel

don.... totally not my style but i enjoyed the read!! scotty

Hey Bill
Glad you liked it , always enjoy a bump on a new one to get feed back for re-write time - thanks .

Hey Mel
Appreciate you stopping by (and even staying a while) . The chorus actually sings quite well (sort of a sing-along style) as it is , but I do understand (and expected) questions about it as you (and Tricia) have raised . I will keep your thoughts for re-write day . I hope you enjoyed otherwise .

Hey Scotty
glad you enjoyed the read , and thanks for dropping by .

Hello Don,

I don't know that the chorus is too wordy, but you definately have twice as many yoo/too rhymes as you need.

dawg

Hey Dawg

Appreciate you noticing this - I never say that during 3 re-writes , but will keep your reminder handy for the next re-write .

This is why we post our work , and you came through - thanks again

Don