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“And Then I’ll Cry”

(C) 2003 by W.L. “Bill” Cooper.

First draft.

V-1
How do you teach a heart to say goodbye.
How do you tell a dream it's time to die.
Well darling if you know.
I wish you’d tell me so.
I won’t sit at home and wonder when you go.


Chorus
How does a love...deep as the sea
suddenly run dry.
How can the heart...you gave to me
bear to say goodbye.
I'll set aside...what could have been
try to hide....these tears within.
I'll say goodbye
and Then I’ll Cry.


V-2
We dreamed about forever you and I
Soul mates on the road to paradise
Now I guess we’re through.
I should find somebody new
Try to keep this heart from loving you.


Chorus
How does a love...deep as the sea
suddenly run dry.
Why would the dreams...you shared with me
fade away and die.
I'll set aside...what could have been
try to hide....these tears within.
I'll say goodbye
and Then I’ll Cry.


bridge
If tears could keep you loving me
I’d cry a hurricane.
Flood the rivers, raise the sea
love you in the rain.

Chorus
How does a love...deep as the sea
suddenly run dry.
Why would the dreams...you shared with me
fade away and die.
I'll set aside...what could have been
try to hide....these tears within.
I'll say goodbye
and Then I’ll Cry.


Tag
The day will come you’re all alone
where memories begin.
You’ll call me on the telephone
I’ll hear your voice and then.
I'll set aside...what could have been
try to hide....these tears within.
I’ll say goodbye
and then you’ll cry.




[This message has been edited by Lost (edited 07-19-2003).]

Howdy, Lost, do you want any comments on anything in your entire song or just help with the ending?

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My sig: Good luck, songwriter! (OPINIONS: Producer regarding The Beatles... "Guitar music is out of style; I'll pass." George Jones: "Yeah, I've recorded a tune called 'He Stopped Loving Her Today' but it's too sad; it won't go anywhere.) And you want MY opinion?

Hi Bill , At a read through, seems like the "killer" is that there's so many "I" rhymes, I'm afraid it would get pretty momotonous. Maybe others will see it differently. I think your hook and idea are good. As they say. JMO.
Good luck with it
Wy

Mornin' Bill,

I've got to agree with Wy on this. Only way out I see is to go with a short, two or three line, bridge that uses a completely different rhyme scheme.

dawg

Since a couple of others are commenting about things other than the ending, here's what I was going to say...

Originally posted by Lost:
V-1
How do you teach a heart to say goodbye.
What do you tell a heart that ask you why.
Well darling if you know
I wish you’d tell me so
“Cause my heart's about to break And Then I’ll Cry

"And then I'll cry" sounds awkward to me. I love your verse up till then. A lot.

Chorus
One final kiss goodbye
And Then I’ll cry
If forever just can’t be.
and I have to set you free
My broken heart will think it’s goin' to die

And my other comment was going to be to change the rhyme from the "i" rhyme that you used in your verse.

------------------
My sig: Good luck, songwriter! (OPINIONS: Producer regarding The Beatles... "Guitar music is out of style; I'll pass." George Jones: "Yeah, I've recorded a tune called 'He Stopped Loving Her Today' but it's too sad; it won't go anywhere.) And you want MY opinion?

Sometimes those I rhymes can work real good as the i sound is pretty well suited to end phrase sounds, but yep. I think. I would be looking at a few changes. heart to let go, could be a thought.
cease/peace could come in handy.
One final kiss then leave me to cry alone, seems it may work somwhere here.
Have fun Bill.
Graham


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http://www.soundclick.com/bands/2/grahamhendersonmusic.htm

Hi Duke, Wy, Dawg and Graham,

Thanks for the read and feedback

Just made an edit got rid of a couple of the "I" rhymes and added the bridge and tag.

Hope it’s better now?

Regards
Bill

Hi again Bill, Well, reads a bunch better to me. JMO, but I think you've got a pretty good thing going. I'll try to get back and go over it closer but I like it
Wy

Bill,

I missed the 'i's. This one reads really good V1 is a killer verse. I loved it.

I would try improve on "it hurts so bad" in the chorus.

Great job.

Stan

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Having Fun!!!!
http://www.soundclick.com/bands/8/stanlohmusic.htm

That looks a lot better Bill.
Graham

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http://www.soundclick.com/bands/2/grahamhendersonmusic.htm

Hi Wy,

Thanks for looking back in

Regards
Bill

Hi Stan,

Thanks for the read and feedback

Got rid of (hurts so bad)

Shifted V-1 around is now V-2 think it flows better.

Think the verses and bridge are almost set, still playing around with chorus.

Regards
Bill

Bill

I like the lyric but am not totally sold on the message and I think it stems from the tag. IMO he's whining a bit. She told him in V1 it's over/get a new life. He's still pining for something that ain't gonna happen. Maybe I was looking for something to help the guy get past her.

Just some thoughts.

Steven

Hi Graham,

Thanks for checking back

Regards
Bill

HiDee Bill!

'Tis Now a Decent Tearjerker....

I'm not thrilled by some of the Usual Cliches.."door to paradise"..."Forever in your eyes".."Heart will break in-two" but guess they are "Stock-in-trade" for most Tearjerkers.

Powerful Bridge...& some New Stuff There, too! The Hurricane's QUITE Effective!

Chorus is a scosh "And-y"...the Pair, last Couplet, sorty yearns for One Less, last line. Or, maybe "WILL ask me why/And then I'll Cry."

"KUDOS" if this ends up a Gal's Song..seems a scosh Too Whiney for a Guy's, JMO, natch!

Good Luck with it, Amigo!
Big Guy-Hug
Stan

Hi Steven,

Thanks for the read and feedback
Not really a message here, just another lost love crying song.

I thought the guy in “ Don’t Take Her She’s All I’ve Got” was whining a bit but the song was a big hit?

I wrote this one for a female vocalist but think it will work just fine as a male song.

Regards
Bill

Bill

I'm late to the party so I'll just leave you with the suggestions from the others....All in all a great lyric going here.

My only nit is using the word "paradise" in the first verse then using the word "ain't" in the third line.....Knocks the hell out of the sincere ballad feeling considering all the lines in the rest of the piece. JMHO as you know.


Eric

Hi Stan,

Thanks for the read and comments

I made another edit today and hope I addressed most of your concerns.

I agree it is a little whinny but as I told “Steven” I think it will work. I plan to have female vocals on the demo but a guy could do it I think.

The song “Don’t take her she all I’ve got” Is a guy whining to another guy not to take his women .

Would be hard to get any more whinny than that, but the song was a big hit! Go figure

Thanks again
Bill

Hi Eric,

Thanks for the read and comments.
The ain’t is now gone. Thanks

Bill

G'day Lost, Could I say that this is the best song you have ever written? I CAN, GOOD!cause I like your bonzer song a lot.best wishes, Ray in Australia.

Hey Lost,
I'm with TampaStan on this one...he about summed up everything I would say.

Overall you have a strong idea here though. A worthy song.

Regards,
Cindy
North 2 South
http://north2southonline.com

Hi Ray,

Thanks for the kind words

Happy you enjoyed the lyric.

Regards
Bill

Hi Cindy,

Thanks for the read and feedback

Regards
Bill