JPF Home Page Forums Lyric and MP3 Feedback Lyric Feedback Forum In a Day or Two (repost)

I'm reposting this one. Was a bad time to post the first time, boxing day.
This is written to a sort of R@B/MOR tune.

copyright 2000


1) In a day or two girl, I'll start forgetting you
Get you off my mind, I've got to try to
Oh but now I'm gonna think about you
All I can alone without you
How you stole my heart, with your smile
For a while I want to keep such memories of you

2) In a week or two, I'll face the world
Got to make that move, without you girl
I know that here and now I couldn't face it
Now I won't be going places
Safe at home is where you'll find me
With your pictures to remind me
How sweet, this world used to be

3) In a month or two, I'm gonna smile
Girl I will somehow, if not in style
Oh baby,I couldn't smile the way I feel now
That would be too big a deal now
I'm too blue and I'm too lonely
Far too full of what if only's
Missing you, through and through

4) In a year or two, I'll find another
One to take your place, another lover
Baby here today I just can't see it
In my heart I can't believe it
Your the one I want to hold beside me
In my arms ever so tightly
Baby all I want is you

Hi Gary....I read your post the first time
but didn't really feel real adequate in helpin you..but I'll give it a stab....and
hopefully...someone else will follow up...

I think you have chosen a good universal
theme we can relate to....but the trick
or so I'm told is to give it a more positive
ending, a followable rhyme scheme, and present it in a way.....that's different
than the rest.

In verse one...many lines end with you.
I do not feel comfortable giving you a rewrite...and this probably isnt very
different or exciting...but I started it

I'll start forgetting you
in maybe a day, or two
I'm hurting here...alone
no hugs, no ringing phones

hoping someone else will chime in and
help here. Good luck...

Thanks Kaley
I will come back on the points you raised.
At the moment I'm using this reply to try and add a signature to this message.

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[img]http://www.gbgs.fsnet.co.uk/music.gif[/]

Hello Kaley

Thanks for looking at my lyric. I must admit I didn’t notice all the “you’s” in Verse 1. I can fix that. I admit the rhyme scheme is a bit haphazard, but so was the tune I was given. I just went with it the best I could. Thanks for suggested rewrite. Has given me some food for thought.

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Gary