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#1210217 11/14/25 11:58 AM
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rpirone Offline OP
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This is brand spanking new lyric. Any comments or suggestions would be appreciated.

Sleeping With Ghosts

I dreamed I drove back to my hometown
Back to a life that’s vanished and gone
Stuck knee deep in a mem’ry
That I thought had moved on

But I can see it as clear as day
It rushes in when I close my eyes
All the old haunts are boarded up
Faint whispers lost to time

Chorus:
I’m sleeping with ghosts
More than a little homesick
For a time and place
That no longer exists
I spend my nights sleeping with ghosts

Fam’ly and friends who’ve left or passed on
Roam the streets I used to tramp til dawn
Through hallowed nights of misspent youth
That leave their mark on you

Bridge:
Turned down a familiar street
To an old flame’s house
Don’t know what I was hopin’ to find
Thinkin’ maybe I could fix the past somehow
And make it work out right this time

Chorus:
I’m sleeping with ghosts
More than a little homesick
For a time and place
That no longer exists
I spend my nights sleeping with ghosts

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Like the idea, but wanted to "see it" rather than to be told about it.
As is, you could look for opportunities to do things like "mired knee deep in a memory" whi I believe will sing better. Helps the sentence "move"


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Sleeping With Ghosts

I dreamed I drove back to my hometown (Maybe not 'dreamed' but in reality, I drove back through my hometown,)
Back to a life that’s vanished and gone (back to a life that's vanished and gone.
Stuck knee deep in a mem’ry, (Would 'mem-o-ry' be more Rhythmic?)
that I thought had moved on

But I can see it as clear as day! (Delete 'But'?)
It rushes in when I close my eyes!
All the old haunts are boarded up, ('the' old haunts, or 'my' old haunts? Letting the Singer-Character 'own' it seems stronger.)
Faint whispers lost to time

Chorus: Chorus seems un-Rhythmic.
I’m sleeping with ghosts
More than a little homesick
For a time and place
That no longer exists
I spend my nights sleeping with ghosts

To simplify the Chorus:
I'm homesick for a time and place,
that's no longer there.
i see the one I miss the most.
I'm Sleeping With Ghosts.
I'm Sleeping With Ghosts.

Fam’ly and friends who’ve left or passed on,
roam the streets I used to tramp til dawn (Delete 'the'?)
Through hallowed nights of misspent youth. (period)
That leave their mark on you (Needed that Hard Rhyme for 'dawn')
I'm the one they left their mark on.

(Structure would usually Repeat the Chorus here. Ideally a Bridge is brief, not a full Stanza of Lines like the Verses or Chorus.)
Bridge:
Turned down a familiar street (I like getting the pronoun in there, the Actor to do the Action of the Verb. "I turn..." also makes it happening in real time.)
To an old flame’s house.
Don’t know what I was hopin’ to find (I don't know what I hoped to find,)
Thinkin’ maybe I could fix the past somehow (Delete 'maybe'?)
And make it work out right this time

Chorus:
I’m sleeping with ghosts
More than a little homesick
For a time and place
That no longer exists
I spend my nights sleeping with ghosts


There will always be another song to be written. Someone will write it. Why not you? www.garyeandrews.com
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Here's the re-Structure form I suggest, and the changes.

"Sleeping With Ghosts" copyright 12/2/2017 by Rich Pirone

I drove back through my hometown,
back to a life that’s vanished and gone.
I'm stuck knee deep in a mem-o-ry!
I thought had moved on.

I can see it as clear as day!
It rushes in when I close my eyes!
All my old haunts are boarded up,
faint whispers lost to time!

Chorus:
I'm homesick for a time and place,
that's no longer there.
I see the one I miss the most!
I'm Sleeping With Ghosts.
I'm Sleeping With Ghosts.

Fam’ly and friends who have passed on,
roam streets I used to tramp til dawn,
My hallowed nights of misspent youth;
I'm the one they left their mark on!

Chorus:
I'm homesick for a time and place,
that's no longer there.
I see the one I miss the most!
I'm Sleeping With Ghosts.
I'm Sleeping With Ghosts.

Bridge:
I turn down a familiar street,
to an old flame’s house.
I don’t know what I hoped to find,
Thinkin’ I could fix the past somehow,
And make it work out right this time!

Chorus:
I'm homesick for a time and place,
that's no longer there.
I see the one I miss the most!
I'm Sleeping With Ghosts.
I'm Sleeping With Ghosts.


There will always be another song to be written. Someone will write it. Why not you? www.garyeandrews.com
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Today I was driving through my old hometown and thought, "I see new houses, apartment buildings, parking lots where I remember old houses, and people who lived in them. I see old houses still there, and new people living in them."
It's been a long time. Time, the ever-elapsing moment of 'now'.


There will always be another song to be written. Someone will write it. Why not you? www.garyeandrews.com
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rpirone Offline OP
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Gary, thanks for taking the time and effort to work on this. I appreciate a lot of the notes and will most likely apply them in the final version.

rpirone #1210285 Yesterday at 01:23 PM
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More tinkering;

"Sleeping With Ghosts" copyright 12/2/2017 by Rich Pirone

I drove back through my hometown, ("old hometown"?)
back to a life that’s vanished and gone. (Delete 'back'?)
I'm stuck knee deep in a mem-o-ry!
I thought had moved on. ("I though I had moved on."

All my old haunts are boarded up, (Flipped these Lines to put that 'imagery' earlier and the 'Conceptual' ideas later.
faint whispers lost to time!
I can see it as clear as day!
It rushes in when I close my eyes! (Rising pitch, emotional intensity, toward the Chorus serves as a Pre-Chorus 'Lift'.)

Chorus:
I'm homesick for a time and place,
that's no longer there. (Or, "that's no longer HERE"?)
I see the one I miss the most!
I'm Sleeping With Ghosts.
I'm Sleeping With Ghosts.

Fam’ly and friends who have passed on,
roam streets I used to tramp til dawn,
My hallowed nights of misspent youth;
I'm the one they left their mark on!

Chorus:
(Second giving of the Chorus, for Structure listeners can relate to. Going to a Bridge here would be a 3rd Melody in a row, a Structure that might be hard for them to relate to.)
I'm homesick for a time and place,
that's no longer there.
I see the one I miss the most!
I'm Sleeping With Ghosts.
I'm Sleeping With Ghosts.

Bridge:
I turn down a familiar street, (Happening 'now', present tense, as opposed to past tense.)
to an old flame’s house. (Or, "to MY old flame's house.")
I don’t know what I hoped to find,
thinkin’ I could fix the past somehow,
and make it work out right this time! (This has the 'pivotal' Idea a Bridge should have.)

Chorus: (Third giving of the Chorus, six 'hits' on THE Hook, the Title Line, driving it home as the main Idea.)
I'm homesick for a time and place,
that's no longer there.
I see the one I miss the most!
I'm Sleeping With Ghosts.
I'm Sleeping With Ghosts.

The video's getting into my head. That scene in the Bridge, young him, his memory of coming by her house on a corner, in his car, young her sitting on the front steps.
He pulls in around the corner as she runs across the lawn to him, leans on the passenger side door, talks, opens it, gets in.
And then the real-time, her, aged like him, sitting on the front steps, him grinning, pulling in around the corner, her coming across the lawn, slowly, but grinning.


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rpirone Offline OP
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Wow! I usually don't get suggestions this detailed or, quite frankly, this good. I will definitely be employing some of these in my rewrites. Thank you again.

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Great hook


We’re all built from the same dust and dreams,
Different roads, but the same means.

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