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Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 8,490
Top 20 Poster
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Top 20 Poster
Joined: Jan 2006
Posts: 8,490 |
Hi Jackie,
I think that you have a good base here, and you've piqued my interest....but when I read this, I want to see/hear more details about the child and feel more of his story -- his pain, his happiness. I think that the first two verses could easily be combined into one -- they basically say the same thing, and this could free up room to delve a little deeper into the character development here. Like...what makes his spirit so bright? How does his spirit survive the waiting? What makes him so different that he wasn't even given a name? What is some of the stuff that runs through his mind? Also the first paragraph says that he's waiting in vain, but then we find out that he doesn't wait in vain -- he does get a family.
Good luck with this!
Lisa
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