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Florida
by bennash - 06/07/26 09:34 PM
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Joined: Apr 2002
Posts: 1,035 Likes: 2
Top 500 Poster
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Top 500 Poster
Joined: Apr 2002
Posts: 1,035 Likes: 2 |
Good stuff Stan! This line: "I managed to get her jealous somehow" ...seems to indicate you don't know the reason, yet here you say: "I told her The Truth..& she DID Set Me Free"
This line is weak for you: "Her Leaving Me Isn't Fair"
This line: "I Wish You'd Give Me Just One Sign" ...feels like a set-up that you don't complete later.
"I've not got ONE Secret I've ever Held-Back SOME Secrets I'd never tell Anyone Else. We shared Our Secrets with each other.. I don't like that you used "secret(s) 3 times here.
I don't feel the last verse is up to the standard of the rest.
For this to work as a song, the lyric needs to be super-passionate. We need to feel the singers desperation. Best of luck Stan! -Mike
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