Hi Aaron,

You've written some very powerful images in this song. Are you writing this from personal experience or about someone you know? I've known a couple of people like this in my life, hence why I asked.

I think what others have come up with for these lyrics are good suggestions. Like you said, I think this needs a bridge, just something else to add to the story. I'd like to see some kind of hope for the person you're singing this about, otherwise it becomes very bleak (even if that's how life is sometimes).

Good luck with this! What kind of genre are you looking at for this one?