I like it, but perhaps it needs some refinement.

As I read it, the metrics of the chorus seem very similar to the verses. Maybe it would be a relief from the verses if the chorus was slightly different:

Your wings are dirty now
Feathers falling down
Hitting the cold hard ground
Like embers burning out

Just an idea, no biggy!

Andy


If at first you don't succeed, try the 'ON' switch!