Wow.. I feel the authenticity in this and your courage to write is inspiring. I've been in recovery for about 6 years now, and understand where you are coming from. I've been very fortunate to have found a very spiritual and supportive group of people to guide me through a lot of changes and I want to encourage you to seek out peace for yourself and it will enable you to be more effective in helping those you love. I'd recommend checking out some of Pema Chodrin's writings "When Things Fall Apart" has been helpful to me, and I belive it will be to you too! All the best to you~ Doc