Originally Posted by joyboy
I like this, too. Good voice for it -- sort of a cross between Tom Waits and Burl Ives. grin

The twist at the end really made the song, IMO. I do think it could have been even more powerful if the narrator increasingly resented the land for thwarting his dreams year after year as his longing to leave grows stronger.

When he says "Men had given more for less I guessed/
In places worse than this hard land" it seems like he doesn't mind the place. So it's not that big a surprise that he stays.

I had a notion that he could come to think of the land in terms of a woman and the gold as her heart.

Anyhoo, I'm rewriting so that means I like it. Good luck with it.


Thanks, Joyboy smile

First of all, that double metaphor of yours with the woman/land and gold/heart is just an excellent idea. I'll give you a year to write a different song based on that and, if you don't by that point, I'm gonna try. grin

Seriously, that would have worked well here, if I'd have thought of it.

My goal was more mundane - but I hit it because your reaction pretty much is what I was shooting for. I really wanted him coming back to be the logical conclusion. But I wanted to spice it up so I mucked around with the timeline so that the listener is a little surprised to hear that he came back after that bridge. What I had in mind was that the listener might just do a little double take but then think, "Well that makes sense after all". smile

This would have been a little clearer perhaps if I hadn't thrown out an earlier bridge where he identifies more with the land.

I only threw it out because I was worried about the length. Then it turns out to be only 2.5 minutes. I'm gonna have to start paying more attention to that before I record. grin

Thanks again!

Scott

Last edited by Scott Campbell; 02/05/10 11:32 PM.
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