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Joined: Apr 2008
Posts: 253
Serious Contributor
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Serious Contributor
Joined: Apr 2008
Posts: 253 |
Sam - Hey! Good to read something from you, it's been awhile since I've had the chance. I think this is good and there's a lot of excellent imagery. There are a couple tiny things that I noticed reading through it. Nothing major but I will go ahead and point them out and you can say that I'm picky and I constrain your wonderful art!
Blue eyes, blond hair and that pentacle I wear Silver snake on a pagan star I'm old enough to feel but nothing seems real (this line feels like it needs one more syllable...maybe "seems QUITE real" or something) Still listenin' for a cool guitar
Love my girlfriends til the bitter bloody end (I would switch it around to "bloody bitter end) A simple hug is everything The time just flies, but stills in her eyes And I love to hear her sing
I love the ending although it's kind of depressing. Good work Sam!
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