JPF Home Page Forums Lyric and MP3 Feedback Lyric Feedback Forum 3 999,000 Times

Great imagery, Wendy. I can picture it all happening. It's pretty creepy, too.

Just a couple of things I noticed:
1. Like JM, I also felt 999,000 might be a mouthful to sing.
Not only might 999 be easier, but upside down it's 666, the famous number attributed to you-know-who. Kind of gives another sinister dimension to the snake-in-the-grass lover.
2. In verse 2, I found the last line a bit disturbing, in that, though creepy, the rest of the imagery is more elegant. Then suddenly we have a picture of shriveled dead skin covered in flies. For me, it interrupts the visual flow. (Mind you, it is consistent with the metaphor.)
3. Suggestion: line 2, verse 3, 'hiss' instead of 'breathe'.
Just a thought.

Whatever you do with this song, I'm certain it will be impressive!

DM