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RY X
by Gary E. Andrews - 09/21/26 04:03 PM
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Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 115
Serious Contributor
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Serious Contributor
Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 115 |
Elizabeth
I love the hook, it reminds me of a song I wrote titled "a thought of her". I was also surprised at the bridge. To me it makes the song. Now for my suggestions keep in mind they are only my opinion and that I have no idea of the music you have in mind for this. 1. I think V1 is alright depending on the music.
2. For the chorus I would suggest changing line 2 because we know he is gone from V1 and I also like the idea of a four line chorus. something like this house feels so empty and I cant stop this fear knowing i'll see nothing real when his memory appears
3. V2 I agree with earlier post it is just more of V1. You need something new to hammer your plot home. I have something in mind but I dont wanna re-write your song.
4. The bridge, first two lines a great but 3 and 4 do not flow. And do you really wanna get over him in the song? I would stay with the grieving theme myself and say somthing like: seems so strange how life can change in an instant he was gone when a drunk crossed the line that night and stole our happy home
I hope I havent said anything wrong. this was purely my opinion. I love your idea and I know you will make it a great song
Keith
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"If you are stuck in your musical composing, be unreasonable. Change your environment. If you are stuck in your lyrical efforts, instead of forcing the same old words out, force yourself to do unreasonable things." -Brian Austin Whitney
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