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Nothing
by JAPOV - 05/01/26 04:06 PM
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For Dom
by JAPOV - 04/30/26 09:52 PM
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WHEN?
by JAPOV - 04/23/26 11:28 PM
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Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 3,256
Top 100 Poster
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Top 100 Poster
Joined: Dec 2000
Posts: 3,256 |
Calvin,
This isn't bad. I could easily envision this as kind of a 60s psychedelic thing. With the right music it could be a throwback to the summer of love days.
I do think that the chorus is just a tad "empty," meaning it doesn't say a lot to move the storyline along. The chorus might be a good place to explain in a line or two why he can only love her in his mind. What is it that's keeping them from getting together?
Not bad overall. Good luck with it.
Greg
If you don't eat your meat, you can't have any pudding.
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