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11 members (texritter, Guy E. Trepanier, KyleCrawford, bennash, Everett Adams, Gary E. Andrews, Michael W. Brown, Sunset Poet, Fdemetrio, 2 invisible),
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RY X
by Gary E. Andrews - 09/21/26 04:03 PM
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Soft Loft
by Gary E. Andrews - 09/21/26 11:52 AM
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Joined: Sep 2020
Posts: 93 Likes: 1
Serious Contributor
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Serious Contributor
Joined: Sep 2020
Posts: 93 Likes: 1 |
Hi tex, I like the gist, but for me the first verse doesn't sit, from laughing and chatting on the porch to suddenly saying goodbye feels awkward, I'd maybe change the last two lines about a game and use that space to say something about how the mood changed that leads to the goodbye eyes
all the best, john
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"If you are stuck in your musical composing, be unreasonable. Change your environment. If you are stuck in your lyrical efforts, instead of forcing the same old words out, force yourself to do unreasonable things." -Brian Austin Whitney
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