The "previous" line doesn't make any sense. You can't end a statement with the word "previous". And the first vs doesn't make any sense, either. I have no idea what the chorus is about.

Think of a hook, then write TO the hook with coherent vss.

If you want to write a puzzle, fine. But when you fit the pieces together, the result still has to look like the picture on the box.


Nashville demos etc:

https://www.soundclick.com/bands3/default.cfm?bandID=431939

other demos:

https://soundcloud.com/wabash-cannibal

Amazon Kindle books by Robert George you may enjoy:

1) Americana

2) Teenage Graceland

3) The Will to Be

4) Fort Mystery

5) Wheel Sea

6) My One True Love