Thanks to all for the comments.

And, Bob, I didn't mind the slightly bumpy welcome. I didn't join this site to be gratuitously flattered. That said, I appreciate your glowing remarks, and I'm glad to accept them as heartfelt and honest. Again, thanks.

As to the song's length, that won't change (for better or worse). Regarding Couchgrouch's query about exactly who has lost the fire down below, I think it's fairly obvious and intuitive that I am not speaking about my son and I, but rather myself and the "pretty girl" mentioned in the previous verse.

The critique of the following couplet is more significant to me:

"And he’d dream at night of the lovely things you’d do
And stir where he lay sleeping next to you"

Again, I think it's fairly intuitive that I'm speaking to the pretty girl, but I recognize that in that couplet the lyrics shift from addressing a general audience to the pretty girl specifically. I was aware of it when writing the song, and I'm not surprised that someone mentioned it here. It is questionable, and couchgrouch's suggested edit would certainly clarify the phrase, but it would also introduce unintended meaning. It's not about "us," it's about "her" (or, in this case, "you"). If anything, I'd change the lines to read: "And he'd dream at night of the lovely things she'd do/And stir where he laid sleeping next to her," but I'm OK with sacrificing a touch of literal meaning for a phrase that rings more agreeably when sung. And so, for now at least, I'll keep it as is.