I like this melody and the lyrics are simple but they work.
My only suggestion is to hold back on the vocal emotion at the start and increase it gradually through the song so the listener can feel the desperation building.
An loose example of this technique would be Roy Orbison's "Running Scared".

Vic


It's never too late? Yes it is, so do it now.

If, given time, a monkey can write the complete works of Shakespeare maybe there's hope for me.

http://store.cdbaby.com/cd/vicarnold2

http://www.soundclick.com/vicarnold

http://soundcloud.com/vic-arnold