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IRAN
by Fdemetrio - 04/15/26 12:27 PM
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PETE
by Fdemetrio - 04/14/26 06:57 AM
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Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 329
Top 500 Poster
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Top 500 Poster
Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 329 |
Hi J, nice wee song here, I like it, just as a suggestion I'd consider reworking the opening lines to make it flow better and avoid using Blue Moon until the chorus,
Walking under
The blue moon
Kiss her the wind
Whispers in my ear
Toes in the sand
Her delicate hand
The waves roll in
And disappear
something like
Walking together
Toes in the sand
Holding on to
Her delicate hand
The waves roll in
Then disappear
Kiss her the wind
Whispers in my ear
though I'd try and make (kiss her the wind) more conversational,
anyway just some food for thought, I often look over a lyric I've done and swap lines around,
all the best,john
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