Jackie, I'm with David on the title/hook.

Even on this site, where I try to read a bit of everyone's efforts, the title is what determines which one I look at first. "Blue Moon" was already in my mind as the other melody and lyrics, distracting me from your excellent job of setting a time/scene/emotion.

'Oh, Blue Moon' or 'Oh my Blue Moon' might be all you need.

Pam


Never think can't do - think how to