JPF Home Page Forums Lyric and MP3 Feedback MP3 Feedback Forum Monday's Child - posting for music track and comments

Yes!! Another guitar acoustic from me!! Are you still happy you encouraged me to learn an instrument?? LOL!!

Faster songs are a bit more challenging for me, I would love to get a music track for this...please pm me if you are interested.

Until then...sure this isn't a clean run-through, but I tried my best.

Danny came up with a good idea and was so happy he allowed me to help write it. I came up with the melody and chorded it and sing it. Let me know your thoughts.


MONDAY'S CHILD on SoundClick


Mondays Child
by Danny Ketcherside and Tammy
© 2012

Monday cries alone at night once more
Tuesday's gone and Wednesday's child
Just walked right out the door
Thursday Friday Saturday
Are making plans to go away
With Sunday like a thousand times before
And Monday cries alone at night once more

Chorus
Take a look at Monday's child
A face so fair they'll stay a while
No one ever stays too long
A fleeting moment then they're gone
Happiness for her is not allowed
She always pays the price for being Mondays child

Monday paints a smile upon her face
Sunday says that Monday's child
Has fallen out of grace
Thursday Friday Saturday
Turn their backs and walk away
Tuesday and Wednesday choose to play it safe
While Monday paints a smile upon her face

Chorus
Take a look at Monday's child
A face so fair they'll stay a while
No one ever stays too long
A fleeting moment then they're gone
Happiness for her is not allowed
She always pays the price for being Mondays child

Bridge
The mirror is deceiving
In loneliness she is reeling
She'd gladly trade her pretty face
For a happy heart to take its place

Chorus
Take a look at Monday's child
A face so fair they'll stay a while
No one ever stays too long
A fleeting moment then they're gone
Happiness for her is not allowed
She always pays the price for being Mondays child

Good melody and good vocal. There are other songs that run through the days of the week. "Blue Monday" by Fats Domino comes to mind.

Jim

Jim,

Thanks for listening, I'm glad you liked it!

This song doesn't "run through" the days of the week. This is a reference to people born on those days of the week "Monday's child is fair of face", she is a person who lives the life issued to her by the famous poem. I think there is a big difference. The song you referenced talked about the days of the week coming and going and what happened on those days, this song is talking about people and how they are treating the one who is "Fair of Face".

Just wanted to clarfiy in case others needed it.

Tammy

Hi Tammy,

I agree with Jim, good melody and vocal:)
But like Jim I found myself at a loss to understand your story as you described...

your song or anyone's for that matter, don't have the luxury if you will to carry around that great description you speak of:)
Respectfully, our Job as Songwriters is to make our Stories clear so that others are not distracted and therefore "Lost" in our song.

I mean this in the kindest way, our job is not completed or executed when the listener is lost...
I enjoyed the listen to a point, but I was distracted and lost, so I couldn't really get 'into' it:)

This may not be an issue for others, so you'll have to see what their feelings are regarding it.

I'm not quite sure how you would re-write this with the concept involving so many "Week Days" without it sounding a bit gimmicky but that of course is the Challenge we as Songwriters live for:)
There is much to like about this, but we have to be brought into a clear understanding of the story to enjoy it:)
Hope I was of some help and not being too hard on this:)-Dana

I knew what it was about. No one expected the Beatles to explain it when they made reference to the poem. You can't explain everything. You have to trust that enough people share some common references.

I like your singing and playing. I don't know how long you've been at it but I enjoy hearing honest effort especially if it's original music.

I was concerned that the concept of Monday's Child has been over done but that is obviously not the case. Regardless, there is always room for a new take on a good idea.

Tams and Danny, really pretty melody and vocals. I think the idea is good, but the lyric needs revising for greater clarity and appeal.

The chorus tells us more about people leaving her than they do about the woman herself. Hence, the chorus doesn't support the concept of 'Monday's child'. Likewise, the verses also tell us nothing about her. Five of the six lines are about the other days of the week, but without connecting them.

The old nursery rhyme is familiar to many, but I suspect less so to current generations. One can't assume that listeners will know it.

It would be a shame not to have another crack at the lyrics. Build a compelling picture of a beautiful but lonely woman. Otherwise, there's not enough to make us care about her.

Donna

MONDAY'S CHILD on SoundClick


Mondays Child
by Danny Ketcherside and Tammy
© 2012

It's not clear what the other days of the week have to do with Monday.

Maybe drop the other days, and focus only on Monday. Give more details about that characteristic, especially as it's the only important one in terms of the song ('Monday's child is fair of face'). The days of the week are confusing. Maybe restructure to have two 4-line verses before the first chorus, and then one 4-line verse before the second chorus. This would also provide more contrast.
Monday cries alone at night once more
Tuesday's gone and Wednesday's child
Just walked right out the door
Thursday Friday Saturday
Are making plans to go away
With Sunday like a thousand times before
And Monday cries alone at night once more

Chorus Suggest re-thinking the chorus. Why don't lovers stay? What is she hoping for? If you give a lot of details about her in the verses, the chorus could be more generic, and simply state the irony that despite her beauty, the woman is usually alone and without love.
Take a look at Monday's child
A face so fair they'll stay a while Indicate who 'they' is.
No one ever stays too long Lines 2 & 3 contradict each other.
A fleeting moment then they're gone Line 4 repeats line 3.
Happiness for her is not allowed Not quite yoda-speak, but it sounds formal, not conversational.
She always pays the price for being Mondays child

Monday paints a smile upon her face
Sunday says that Monday's child
Has fallen out of grace
Thursday Friday Saturday
Turn their backs and walk away
Tuesday and Wednesday choose to play it safe
While Monday paints a smile upon her face

Chorus

Bridge
The mirror is deceiving It's not the mirror that's deceiving - it's the 'appearance' to others, I think.
In loneliness she is reeling Yoda-speak. A rhyme for 'deceiving' isn't necessary.
She'd gladly trade her pretty face
For a happy heart to take its place

Chorus

Hi Tammy and Danny.
I like the melody and idea and while I agree with Taggy that you don't have to explain everything in a song,
I also think that you need anchor points here and there to guide the listener back to the meaning.
Knowing your determination and creativity skill I think you will get there.
Happy songwriting.
Vic

Hey!Nice vocals and melody as always Tammy.I'm sorry but all i hear is a lot of the days of the week and i can't figure out what's going on.Maybe because i don't know the poem,i don't know.
I also think if you just talk about "Mondays Child" i would be more focused on what is going on.But i'm a simple guy who needs simple lyrics,LOL.Keep on keepin' on!Mike

Hi Tammy, you sound really pretty in this and I am proud of how wel you are doing on the guitar.

I am aware of the saying about Monday's child but I still was not able to grasp what this was about. Are they actually days of the week doing these things or are the metaphors for certain people in her life that hurt her? I think I agree with Donna and a few others that it may need more clarity for us to know who Monday is, what is is dealing with and what she wants. It is pretty and poetic but a little bit out there to understand, or it is for me. I hope you know how much I love ya and want to give ya a good critique but I also want to be honest with you..just as I would want. HUGS!!

Kimberly

I like the music and the abstract feel and meaning to the song, where we are categorized by the day we were born. Monday's always blue, and Tuesday's seeking the companionship of two, Wednesdays child is always stuck in the middle, a middle class life, sitting on the fence contemplating directions to go, Thursday's child is constantly thirsty for Friday like all children and adults who seek the weekend. Saturday's child is full of the glee of being free, and Sunday's child offers lots of time with nothing to do, at the end of a long weak, a day of rest Sunday is the gatherer, where all the days come back to reflect on the passing of the days before Monday's child brings blues again. That was my take, and I like the idea immensely. It's a fun song that gives us all another identity to enjoy. Nicely done as always. ~~~M


If you wanted to make the days more human, and personified you might try this...

Monday cries alone at night once more
Tuesday's due and Wednesday's child
will leave her like before,
Thursday Friday Saturday
Are making plans to go away
With Sunday like a thousand times before
so Monday cries alone at night once more

I am fated to be Monday's child
with a face so fair folks stay a while
but no one ever stays too long
A fleeting moment then they're gone
my happiness it just moves on
I always pays the blues
as Mondays child

I always paint a smile upon my face
when Sunday says this Monday child
has fallen out of grace
Thursday Friday Saturday
all turn their backs and walk away
Tuesday and Wednesday choose to play it safe
from a painted lady in her lonely place

Chorus

I am fated to be Monday's child
with a face so fair folks stay a while
but no one ever stays too long
A fleeting moment then they're gone
my happiness it just moves on
I always pays the blues
as Mondays child

Bridge

Mondays child is always feeling
what the calendar's revealing
She'd gladly trade her pretty face
For love to daily take its place

Chorus

I am fated to be Monday's child
with a face so fair folks stay a while
but no one ever stays too long
A fleeting moment then they're gone
my happiness it just moves on
I always pays the blues
as Mondays child.



**Just my thoughts, I personally like the song as is....
but I do enjoy offering input. I am also a Monday child,
and so much more often a mundane child, so I know quite well of what you write. Isn't it ironic that I'm writing this comment to you on a Monday. ~~~M

Hi Tam's

Always love your vocal, and the Hook, Monday's child, sticks in your mind.

Donna has given you some great advice, and others here, so keep at it hah, sounding great.

Hugs Michele

Dana,

I am glad you liked some of the song and am sorry that the meaning of a story about "beauty" not being a blessing but a curse is lost for you. I would have liked it if you simply stated that you didn't "get it", I would like to think I understand the idea of songwriting, but appreciate your time.

Tammy

Taggy,

Thank you very much for your kind words and for giving this a listen, it is appreciated!

Tammy

Donna,

I really appreciate al of the time you took on this.

I do believe that mentioning that she is "Fair of Face" allows for folks to "not" have to know the poem.

I also mention that no one takes the time to "get to know her", so we didn't get into that, we only know she is sad that others find her beauty intimidating.

I agree with one of the lines you noted, I think I was being lazy and letting that slide, I am changing the line in the bridge to "and lonliness has her reeling"...thanks for the heads up!!

Always happy when you lend your time Donna!!

Tammy

Vic,

Thanks for the listen!

Tammy

Michael,

Thanks for giving it a try.

Tammy

Kim,

Glad you stopped it. Yes, the other "days" are the people in your life, think of them as a group of girls who don't include her because they are jealous of her looks.

I do wish that women could come away with the idea that her beauty wasn't a blessing as everyone would think it would be, but glad you gave it a try.

No worries girl, I love ya right back!!

Tammy

Matt,

Love your take on it my friend, thanks so much for adding your creativity and appreciate your time!

Tammy

Michele,

Howdy girl, thanks for stopping by, glad you gave it a go!! Take care my friend!!

Tammy

Hi Tammy,

It seems from reading your response to me, that you might be under the impression, that I was being condescending in explaining what I thought about your song?
If you were, I do apologize for that, because that was not my intentions.

Your writing shows you do know 'Something' about Songwriting, but I thought the whole point of posting what you thought about ones songs was acceptable and expected.

You might want to go back and take another look at my post, someone mentioned that they didn't "Get it" and I myself didn't "Get it" so my statements are of what I believe to be of some validity, about not having to explain what your song is about.

Also, I thought this would help some others who might be just starting out in their writing.

But I respect your views and your gifts, wish you all the best on this.-Dana

Hi Jim,

First of all I would like to thank you for listening and commenting on our song and I am so happy that you found some good qualities in it.

I would like to point out that this "days of the week" song is about as much like Blue Monday as the love song Bad Time by Grand Funk is to Silly Little Love Songs By Paul McCartney.

I mean no disrespect with this reply and am in no way trying to slight your opinion in the least. It is my opinion that the idea set forth in this song is one of the more original ideas of a "days of the week" song in some time.

Thank you again,
Danny