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He's Waiting...

By Jacqueline Richter
Copyright 2012
All rights reserved. BMI

He keeps waiting
For someone to love him
Prays that he's not waiting in vain
abandoned
Because he was different
Didn't even give him a name

He keeps waiting
for someone to hold him
Anxiously waiting for a Mama

He is scared and ashamed
a life painted with drama

He's is loving and kind
No spirit more bright
So much running through his mind
Just smiles with tears in his eyes
Will they judge him or will they love him?

He keeps waiting
For someone heaven-sent
Like a candle without a flame
He just sits waiting
Ready to accept this life
but a new family just came

He's been waiting
For this day for so long
They push his chair to take him home
They've all got someone to love
They've been waiting for him
Now He will never be alone

He's is loving and kind
Never was a spirit more bright
So much running through his mind
Just smiles with tears in his eyes
Didn't judge, they just loved him


He's is loving and kind
No spirit more bright
So much running through his mind
Just smiles with tears in his eyes
Didn't judge, they just loved him



https://www.reverbnation.com/jacquelinerichter/song/13756688-nashville-by-jacquelinerichter

Hey Jackie,
I see that other Jackie showed up again. The one they call Jackie O sometimes. she DOES liven thungs up--trouble always seem to follow in her wake though. (Donb't asnybody tell her I said that
BUT. I digress--He Was Waiting---real good title and story line. At present it seems more "story like" than "song like" though.
I'm not sure how longI'll be around. Depends if I post another lyric or not but anyway, for ideas, I'll give another version of the first section. It flows to a rhythm in my head at least. It wouldn't work with your other sections cause they have a different number of lines, but being as your lyric is still in the formative stage, something to look at anyway. Now, with all that meandering over, this is what I "heard" for the first section---

He's been waiting
For someone to love him
But he's been waiting in vain
He was abandoned
Because he was different
They didn't even give him a name

Good luck with it. You have a good basic idea

Thank you Wyman,

I really like the version that you came up with. Very good.

I am going to keep working at it.

~Jackie

I think that this is going to be my first tear jerker.

Jackie,
I liked the first stanza, then with the second, you changed the meter. It occurs in the last word of the third and sixth lines...the 'rhyme' line. Because of the placement, it sticks out, and it doesn't work. It makes the lyric sound contrived. Whether any of this happened or not is moot, because even if it did, you made it sound unbelievable.
Then there are the 'He's' at the beginning of some of the lines where it is obviously a mistake. Once, I could overlook it,

"He's feels scared and ashamed"

but then you did it again in the stanza that begins

"He's is loving and kind " and apparently cut and pasted it.

All of the typos and the meter changes put me off. It's hard for me to concentrate on reading for content when there are so many typographical issues. What I read was a good start, but you need to clean it up. Thanks for posting. Of course, this is JMHO

Hey Jackie,
I like this. Maybe a better title: "He Keeps Waiting"
Tweaks below, keep or sweep

He Keeps Waiting
For someone to love him
But he's just waiting in vain
He was abandoned
Because he was different
Didn't even give him a name

He Keeps Waiting
for someone to hold him
Anxiously waiting for his Mama
She doesn't want him
He feels scared and ashamed
Gone through unfortunate trauma

He's is loving and kind
No spirit more bright
Has so much running through his mind
Will they judge him or will they love him?

He Keeps Waiting
For someone heaven-sent
He's been suffering quietly
Today he's hopeful
A family just came
They look at him delightfully (lovingly?)

He's been waiting
for this day for so long
They take his hand to take him home
They've all got someone to love
They've been waiting for him
Now He will never be alone

He's is loving and kind
No spirit more bright
Has so much running through his mind
Didn't judge him, they just loved him

He's waited for so long. Yes, he's waited for so long, to hear someone say "we love you, you're never ever going to be alone."

He's is loving and kind
Never was a spirit more bright
Has so much going through his mind
Didn't judge him, they just loved him

Keep, keep, keep!!! Thanks Shayne, I really liked the changes that you suggested : )

Hi CowboySlim,

I agree and I am working on fixing my mistakes. Also how did you get your profile picture to change? That's cool!

Thanks,

~Jackie

Hi Jackie,

I think that you have a good base here, and you've piqued my interest....but when I read this, I want to see/hear more details about the child and feel more of his story -- his pain, his happiness. I think that the first two verses could easily be combined into one -- they basically say the same thing, and this could free up room to delve a little deeper into the character development here. Like...what makes his spirit so bright? How does his spirit survive the waiting? What makes him so different that he wasn't even given a name? What is some of the stuff that runs through his mind? Also the first paragraph says that he's waiting in vain, but then we find out that he doesn't wait in vain -- he does get a family.

Good luck with this!

Lisa

Hi Lisa,
I made some changes. I am working on this lyric to make it tell a better story.

Thanks,
~Jackie

This is the melody that I have come up with for He's Waiting. Please let me know what you think. Thanks, Jackie

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qh1hrQ2MjgI&feature=g-upl

i wasn't sure if this was about a child or adopting a pet at first but Lisa cleared it up for me.Maybe you can tell us in the lyric which it is.I like it though!!

Thank you Michael. This lyric is about a special needs child that is waiting to be adopted. I can see where it would seem like a dog. Lol...

So many out there in this same situation- so sad!

~Jackie

Hi, I have updated this song and made a lot of changes. Please critique.

Thanks,
Jackie

http://jacquelinerichtersongs.webstarts.com/

Jackie.
You are so talented. I like it a lot. It needs singing by a woman IMO.
Vic

Hi Vic,

Thanks for the compliment! I agree, I hear a woman's voice with this one.

~Jackie

I would love to redo this song... Maybe call it "He IS Special"

~Jackie

He IS Special...

By Jacqueline Richter
Copyright 2012
All rights reserved. BMI

Abandoned
Because he was different
Didn't even give him a name
They said he was a glitch
That he shouldn't exist

He's is loving and kind
No spirit more bright
all his emotions inside
smiles with tears in his eyes
She calls him Special

He doesn't hear
Hopes she will understand
Talks with his hands
sometimes people stare
Can't hide in a wheelchair

She sees the world
without her eyes
Wonders how others
can be so blind

She is loving and kind
No spirit more bright
all her emotions inside
smiles tears in her eyes
He calls her Special

He keeps waiting....
With someone Special

It will be a masterpiece. Just a few deletes and some new ideas. ; )

https://www.reverbnation.com/jacquelinerichter/song/13756688-nashville-by-jacqueline-richter

Kind and sympathetic, Jackie. Where have you been?

Hi Jim
I have been taking a break. But now I am ready to get back to writing : )
Thank you for the compliment!