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Florida
by bennash - 06/07/26 09:34 PM
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This tune took its time I found a note in my messages from 3/25/10 saying I had this song idea that morning. Anyway Im thinkin its dang near wrote now so here it is, be brutal, keep it honest Be kind on your assessment of my guitar pickin' since my stroke my right hand doesnt mind all the time... New arrangement Steve surprised me with some added instruments. Thanks Mr. Beiderman!! http://soundclick.com/share.cfm?id=11426551More than just the Habit Words and Music by Paul Gaines © 2010 V The beam of a corner street lamp lights the litter and despair Mumbling to himself with filthy cloths and messy hair The king of empty sidewalks stands counting up his change Then heads toward the liquor store to try and to ease the pain At one time he thought he had it the American dream The respect of friends and family a success or so it seemed Then it all came unraveled at the bottom of the glass Now he’s asking for spare change from strangers as they pass CHROUS He’s more than just the habit that’s turned his life upside down He lived just like the rest of us before the alcohol came around A prisoner to a craving that has brought him to his knees He’s more than just a habit he could be you or me Instrumental V The morning sun awakes him in the alley he calls home Wondering how he got here stung out and all alone He kicks away the cardboard has a drink and finds his feet People passing by don’t see him he’s just a beggar on the street V He tried attending meetings for a while that worked fine Til the craving over took him and he was drunk one more time Feeling like a hostage whose ransom won’t get paid He know if he keeps drinking it will take him to his grave BRIDGE He died late one evening He just couldn’t hold on He’d planned on getting sober But now that choice is gone CHROUS He’s more than just the habit that’s turned his life upside down He lived just like the rest of us before the alcohol came around A prisoner to a craving that has brought him to his knees He’s more than just a habit he could be you or me For years he tried to shake it but he couldn’t break free He’s more than just the habit he could be you or me Music Out Cheers Paul
Last edited by Paul H. Gaines; 02/08/12 11:26 PM.
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Hey Paul,
Now that says it as it is.
Listening, I think the tempo is just a bit quick, maybe slow it down just a tad, and I reckon it will flow along better.
No nits on the writing, there's a good contrast in the sadness of the lyrics/vocal to the sweetness of the guitar.
I'd like to hear the vocal a bit more pronounced, it gets hidden under the acoustic at some points.
That's a solid write, cleaned up it's a keeper.
cheers, niteshift
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Paul, I agree with niteshift, this one's a keeper! Only nit, I heard the phrasing on "he could be, you or me" as " he could, be you or me" without changing the melody or timing. You still hear the internal rhyme if you don't swallow the "be."
Pam
Never think can't do - think how to
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Hi Paul, A very emotional performance, WELL DONE. Some really nice writing-----this is cool..... People passing by don’t see him he’s just a beggar on the street Calvin http://www.soundclick.com/bands/0/calvinstewart
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Really like this one alot....loved the story, your picking and your vocals.....thanks
glyn
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Paul this is pretty damn awesome!It took me back to Dylan's,"only a hobo",love those types of songs.
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"At one time he thought he had it the American dream
The respect of friends and family a success or so it seemed
Then it all came unraveled at the bottom of the glass
Now he’s asking for spare change from strangers as they pass"
this is a great verse. I've got no nits about this song I just want to hear it again. Great stuff man just great stuff.
Work for hire Producer. I will also produce and master any old/new work tapes up to demo standards. :-) Just PM or email: Email -- mork1976@gmail.com
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This is great stuff Mr.G. The finger-picking is just fine, and the lyric is killer.
It was really nice of you to write a song about me. Nobody ever has.
Regards,
Bob
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The beam of a corner street lamp lights the litter and despair
Mumbling to himself with filthy cloths and messy hair
The king of empty sidewalks stands counting up his change
Then heads toward the liquor store to try and to ease the pain That first verse stopped me dead.
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Wow! You are just damn good! I haven't poked my nose around here in awhile and you just reminded me why I love this site so much. If John Prine were dead I would have believed he had risen from the grave. I see a little of the same sentiment here as in the best of Prine tunes like "Sam Stone" and "Hello in There." Great, great lyrics and absolutely awesome and awe inspiring story telling. I truly have so many favorite lines that I don't know which to list but verses #1 and #3 are spectacular in the images that they create. I especially liked "lights the litter and despair" and "the king of empty sidewalks." Great stuff, really.
Because you told me to be brutal I'm going to say that from my gut, the chorus falls just a wee bit short of the knockout punch that these sterling verses deserve. That's just me talkin' but I wanted teeth to be missing from my mouth after I heard it but I escaped the experience with just a cut lip.
Part of the problem is that the melody you employ in the third and fourth lines of the chorus doesn't really set the last line up, musically, to be a good "end of chorus" knockout punch. I wish I had more specific advice for you but if you decide to tinker on it (and you really should because this song is terrific) I would love to give it another listen.
By the way, your picking sparkled as well. I'm a fan. Loved it.
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PAUL--
COULD BE A GREAT SONG--I AGREE WITH NITESHIFT AND BOBBY WAYNE--IT AIN'T PERFECT, BUT IT'S CLOSE TO IT--I LOVE THIS ONE!
WRITE ON BRO'--
Mackie
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Hey Paul,
Now that says it as it is.
Listening, I think the tempo is just a bit quick, maybe slow it down just a tad, and I reckon it will flow along better.
No nits on the writing, there's a good contrast in the sadness of the lyrics/vocal to the sweetness of the guitar.
I'd like to hear the vocal a bit more pronounced, it gets hidden under the acoustic at some points.
That's a solid write, cleaned up it's a keeper.
cheers, niteshift Howdy Niteshift Thanks for your opinion on this tune I just played it a bit slower and it flows out better. I have sick of this song syndrom right now with it. Ive heard it to many time to be objective. As for the mix, things havent changed much, Im still recording with my cel phone... Cheers Paul
Last edited by Paul H. Gaines; 02/04/12 07:20 AM.
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Paul, I agree with niteshift, this one's a keeper! Only nit, I heard the phrasing on "he could be, you or me" as " he could, be you or me" without changing the melody or timing. You still hear the internal rhyme if you don't swallow the "be."
Pam Hi Pam Thanks for listening and taking time to consider the tune and comment. This is the second melody I have tried with this tune and this recording was done right away so the phrasing well even the melody of the chorus are subject to change its the one section I think I was the laziest on.
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Calvin Thanks for listening happy you liked the tune. Cheers Paul
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Really like this one alot....loved the story, your picking and your vocals.....thanks
glyn Thanks Glyn Hope everything is looking good for you. Cheers Paul
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Paul this is pretty damn awesome!It took me back to Dylan's,"only a hobo",love those types of songs. Michael Thanks for the kind word a comparison to Dylan is to kind, cant recall the song you mention, but Im going to surf over to youtube and try to find it. Cheers Paul
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"At one time he thought he had it the American dream
The respect of friends and family a success or so it seemed
Then it all came unraveled at the bottom of the glass
Now he’s asking for spare change from strangers as they pass"
this is a great verse. I've got no nits about this song I just want to hear it again. Great stuff man just great stuff. Howdy Andy Happy you like the tune thanks for listening and commenting. This song really gave me fits because I wanted to get this guy clean and sober and I was forcing it in that direction, When I decided I couldnt get him clean I figured f**k it I'll just kill him, after that it seems to just flow... Cheers Paul
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This is great stuff Mr.G. The finger-picking is just fine, and the lyric is killer.
It was really nice of you to write a song about me. Nobody ever has.
Regards,
Bob
Howdy Bob Yeah when I sat down to write that day I figured I had better write a song about Bob today or I might never have the chance again... Cheers Paul
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The beam of a corner street lamp lights the litter and despair
Mumbling to himself with filthy cloths and messy hair
The king of empty sidewalks stands counting up his change
Then heads toward the liquor store to try and to ease the pain That first verse stopped me dead. Hi Colin That verse was written from experience. Although I didnt buy my poison from a liquor store I was counting my money under a street light one night years ago, I was living outside and the place where I holing up each night was dark and I couldnt see to count so I walked over to the street light. I was a mess standing there, I heard a sound that caused me to look up, when I did I got a clear look at where I was and what had happened in my life, as I looked at the the clutter all around for some reason I also notice I was alone it was night just me and empty sidewalks, I thought man I was the go to guy at home now this is my domain... That was a couple of years before I got clean and sober. Happy that verse spoke to you in some way. Cheers Paul
Last edited by Paul H. Gaines; 02/05/12 09:02 AM.
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Wow! You are just damn good! I haven't poked my nose around here in awhile and you just reminded me why I love this site so much. If John Prine were dead I would have believed he had risen from the grave. I see a little of the same sentiment here as in the best of Prine tunes like "Sam Stone" and "Hello in There." Great, great lyrics and absolutely awesome and awe inspiring story telling. I truly have so many favorite lines that I don't know which to list but verses #1 and #3 are spectacular in the images that they create. I especially liked "lights the litter and despair" and "the king of empty sidewalks." Great stuff, really.
Because you told me to be brutal I'm going to say that from my gut, the chorus falls just a wee bit short of the knockout punch that these sterling verses deserve. That's just me talkin' but I wanted teeth to be missing from my mouth after I heard it but I escaped the experience with just a cut lip.
Part of the problem is that the melody you employ in the third and fourth lines of the chorus doesn't really set the last line up, musically, to be a good "end of chorus" knockout punch. I wish I had more specific advice for you but if you decide to tinker on it (and you really should because this song is terrific) I would love to give it another listen.
By the way, your picking sparkled as well. I'm a fan. Loved it. Hi Bobby Wayne Im a John Prine fan, thanks for the comparison Prine is a great writer. Sam Stone was my hero when I was a kid and remained a bit of an iconic figure til I shot enough dope and felt enough results from that lifestyle that I could empathize with him, and get clean and avoid playing my last request the way Sam did. Yeah the chrous is my path of least resistance section on this tune lazy acceptance that is under reveiw, your comment confirms my own thoughts, thanks. Cheers Paul
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PAUL--
COULD BE A GREAT SONG--I AGREE WITH NITESHIFT AND BOBBY WAYNE--IT AIN'T PERFECT, BUT IT'S CLOSE TO IT--I LOVE THIS ONE!
WRITE ON BRO'--
Mackie Hey Mackie Thanks for listen and commenting. I will be considering all feedback on this tune when I get over the I have heard this song enough already I need a break from it blues. Cheers Paul
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Well I think it sucks. I don't like it at all. Why??? Because I'm jealous. Seriously Pauly, this one really came along well since you played it for me over the phone a few weeks ago. Only thing I'd work on is the music for the bridge. It doesn't change that much from the verses so there's no real lift to differentiate it leading into the last chorus. It is a little bit different but not much. But that's a small thing. This is a really solid lyric/story with no wasted time or words IMO. I also like the chord changes in the last two lines of the chorus. They bring a kind of tension into the works. Good for you my bestestest Internet friend.
Stevie
I'm the only person here who is not unique.
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Hi Paul, I'm not sure I've heard any of your songs before so howdy from a US southerner! I agree this is a VERY good song. The lyric is strong, feels sincere and makes sense with lots of great images. You asked for honesty and I try to be honest. The 1st thing I noticed (besides what I love about this lyric) is that you have ease the pain in the lyric and you sing dull, I think I like ease better but that’s such a small thing. A few comments below KOS of course.  V The beam of a corner street lamp lights the litter and despair Mumbling to himself with filthy cloths and messy hair The king of empty sidewalks stands counting up his change I think these are great lines!!! Then heads toward the liquor store to try and to ease his the pain At one time he thought he had it the American dream I’m not sure the way you sing American Dream sounds natural. It sounds like you had to drag it out too much so I was thinking maybe there is a better word or words to go there. Maybe something like that sought after dream that way you could stress sought and to me that would sound more natural.The respect of friends and family a success or so it seemed Then it all came unraveled at the bottom of the glass Now he’s asking for spare change from strangers as they pass In the chorus I wonder if it might work better switching the rhymes in your 1st 2 lines like I’ve done below. The reason I say this is because “drinking took him down” is exactly what happened and I think it drives this point home better than “till alcohol came around”. I just used drinking instead of alcohol because to me be it fit better. Not only that but the 1stline in your chorus sounds a tad rushed so I think it would smooth that out too.CHROUS He’s more than just the habit that’s turned his life upside down around He lived just like the rest of us before/till the alcohol came around his drinking took him down. Changing before to till would give the line a little more room to breathe too. A prisoner to a craving that has brought him to his knees He’s more than just a habit he could be you or me I really do love the chorus so I hope you don't think for one second that I don't like it. Instrumental V The morning sun awakes him in the alley he calls home Wondering how he got here st rung out and all alone He kicks away the cardboard has a drink and finds his feet People passing by don’t see him he’s just a beggar on the street You left the R out of strung out, I know it was a typo and believe me I do my share of that.V He tried attending meetings for a while that worked fine Til the craving over took him and he was drunk one more time Feeling like a hostage whose ransom won’t get paid He know if he keeps drinking it will take him to his grave BRIDGE He died late one evening He just couldn’t hold on He’d planned on getting sober But now that choice chance is gone CHROUS He’s more than just the habit that’s turned his life upside down He lived just like the rest of us before the alcohol came around A prisoner to a craving that has brought him to his knees He’s more than just a habit he could be you or me For years he tried to shake it but he couldn’t break freeHe’s more than just the habit he could be you or me Since he's gone I think line need to be past tense. Also I think maybe it would be cool to repeat this line rather than say the 1st line here because you've already said that (in different word) and just to drive the hook home one more time. Maybe the last time say something something "He was So much more etc.Music Out Wow it looks like I'm trying to rewrite your song. I really think it's very very close or I wouldn't gone on like this. I LOVE it and I'm sure a lot of people can relate or know someone like this. Dottie
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Hi Colin
That verse was written from experience. Although I didnt buy my poison from a liquor store I was counting my money under a street light on night years ago, I was living outside and the place where I holing up each night was dark and I couldnt see to count so I walked over to the street light. I was a mess standing there, I heard a sound that caused me to look up, when I did I got a clear look at where I was and what had happened in my life, as I looked at the the clutter all around for some reason I also notice I was alone it was night just me and empty sidewalks, I thought man I was the go to guy at home now this is my domain... "The King of Empty Sidewalks" could be a song all on it's own, that's great imagery. I think anybody who's been down and out can identify.
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Well I think it sucks. I don't like it at all. Why??? Because I'm jealous. Seriously Pauly, this one really came along well since you played it for me over the phone a few weeks ago. Only thing I'd work on is the music for the bridge. It doesn't change that much from the verses so there's no real lift to differentiate it leading into the last chorus. It is a little bit different but not much. But that's a small thing. This is a really solid lyric/story with no wasted time or words IMO. I also like the chord changes in the last two lines of the chorus. They bring a kind of tension into the works. Good for you my bestestest Internet friend.
Stevie My Brother You know I need to tell you Im very grateful for our friendship, the honesty between us was what made you comfortable enough to tell me on the phone the other day that my melody on "The Tower" was not what you had heard but you werent surprised because I did only country. I think it was only ten minutes later that I called back with a noncountry melody for this tune, altough this melody aint the same one, and well it might be a bit more country than the other, this song had sat without a melody til a comment from you inspired me to think outside my mormal comfort zone. It was durring a conversation with you that it was decided getting clean and sober wasnt in the cards for the guy in this tune, remember we laughed at all the possible routes that could be taken to kill this guy... Thanks for your friendship brother, as far as being jealous, thats just because you know what a great guy I am...duh !! Cheers Paul
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Hi Colin
That verse was written from experience. Although I didnt buy my poison from a liquor store I was counting my money under a street light on night years ago, I was living outside and the place where I holing up each night was dark and I couldnt see to count so I walked over to the street light. I was a mess standing there, I heard a sound that caused me to look up, when I did I got a clear look at where I was and what had happened in my life, as I looked at the the clutter all around for some reason I also notice I was alone it was night just me and empty sidewalks, I thought man I was the go to guy at home now this is my domain... "The King of Empty Sidewalks" could be a song all on it's own, that's great imagery. I think anybody who's been down and out can identify. Hi Colin Thanks for stopping by again on this tune. King of Empty Sidewalks was the original title of this song. It was inspired by my glimpse back to the night I mention before... Cheers Paul
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Hi Paul, I'm not sure I've heard any of your songs before so howdy from a US southerner! I agree this is a VERY good song. The lyric is strong, feels sincere and makes sense with lots of great images. You asked for honesty and I try to be honest. The 1st thing I noticed (besides what I love about this lyric) is that you have ease the pain in the lyric and you sing dull, I think I like ease better but that’s such a small thing. A few comments below KOS of course. V The beam of a corner street lamp lights the litter and despair Mumbling to himself with filthy cloths and messy hair The king of empty sidewalks stands counting up his change I think these are great lines!!! Then heads toward the liquor store to try and to ease his the pain At one time he thought he had it the American dream I’m not sure the way you sing American Dream sounds natural. It sounds like you had to drag it out too much so I was thinking maybe there is a better word or words to go there. Maybe something like that sought after dream that way you could stress sought and to me that would sound more natural.The respect of friends and family a success or so it seemed Then it all came unraveled at the bottom of the glass Now he’s asking for spare change from strangers as they pass In the chorus I wonder if it might work better switching the rhymes in your 1st 2 lines like I’ve done below. The reason I say this is because “drinking took him down” is exactly what happened and I think it drives this point home better than “till alcohol came around”. I just used drinking instead of alcohol because to me be it fit better. Not only that but the 1stline in your chorus sounds a tad rushed so I think it would smooth that out too.CHROUS He’s more than just the habit that’s turned his life upside down around He lived just like the rest of us before/till the alcohol came around his drinking took him down. Changing before to till would give the line a little more room to breathe too. A prisoner to a craving that has brought him to his knees He’s more than just a habit he could be you or me I really do love the chorus so I hope you don't think for one second that I don't like it. Instrumental V The morning sun awakes him in the alley he calls home Wondering how he got here st rung out and all alone He kicks away the cardboard has a drink and finds his feet People passing by don’t see him he’s just a beggar on the street You left the R out of strung out, I know it was a typo and believe me I do my share of that.V He tried attending meetings for a while that worked fine Til the craving over took him and he was drunk one more time Feeling like a hostage whose ransom won’t get paid He know if he keeps drinking it will take him to his grave BRIDGE He died late one evening He just couldn’t hold on He’d planned on getting sober But now that choice chance is gone CHROUS He’s more than just the habit that’s turned his life upside down He lived just like the rest of us before the alcohol came around A prisoner to a craving that has brought him to his knees He’s more than just a habit he could be you or me For years he tried to shake it but he couldn’t break freeHe’s more than just the habit he could be you or me Since he's gone I think line need to be past tense. Also I think maybe it would be cool to repeat this line rather than say the 1st line here because you've already said that (in different word) and just to drive the hook home one more time. Maybe the last time say something something "He was So much more etc.Music Out Wow it looks like I'm trying to rewrite your song. I really think it's very very close or I wouldn't gone on like this. I LOVE it and I'm sure a lot of people can relate or know someone like this. Dottie Hello Dottie Never feel like you need to hold back your thoughts on a song I post, I truly appreciate that you would take the time to consider one of my songs worthy of comment.I always take suggestions to heart and digest them as sincere offerings of help. "Ease" was my first choice, but when applied to a different melody I had for this tune "Dull" was a better fit I think I just got used to using "Dull" because of that, however with this melody,"Ease" works better, good on you for hearing what I missed "Ease" is back. "American Dream" the reason that line is there goes like this. On the night described in the first verse I asked myself if this was my version of the American Dream. I started going to meeting soon after that but couldnt stay clean, took me a couple of years before I was able to string together more than 90 days clean. Ive been Clean nine years and change now, this tune is a bit of a reminder for me and a way for me to carry a message at clean and sober events when I play for other folks going through what I went through. You have heard atleast one other song of mine, I seen a comment from you on "Thick Tule Fog" my little twisted murder ballad. Its was originally posted under a different username 'PHD" Cheers Paul
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Hey Glyn Yeah Little Stevie B is a funny guy. Cheers Paul
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Hi Paul I absolutely love this, it's a excellent write, a little tweaking, and I believe it would be worth your while. You sing it great, just a bit more improvement on the flow, and a bit more tweaking on the music, ex: the music didn't flow right for me with the bridge, it needs to really stand out to the rest I feel, but remember I'm not well experienced.  The chorus is a hit for me, especially this line: He’s more than just a habit he could be you or me. I know from my own experiences, from being through a lot of trauma, I hit the alcohol on many times to heal the pain, but I decided to chose a different path. I very rarely drink alcohol, and I'm now strong enough to know it doesn't help when you're hurting bad. You don't know what's going to happen in your life, it can change in an instant. Good luck with this song, I'm a big fan, fantastic.  Hugs Michele
Last edited by Michele Howlett; 02/05/12 10:17 AM.
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A genuine heartfelt song in melody and voice. I have nothing to add to the other critiques.
“I usually start with a title or maybe a little rhyme or phrase.” - Harlan Howard
Co-writing = Compromise!
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Hi Paul I absolutely love this, it's a excellent write, a little tweaking, and I believe it would be worth your while. You sing it great, just a bit more improvement on the flow, and a bit more tweaking on the music, ex: the music didn't flow right for me with the bridge, it needs to really stand out to the rest I feel, but remember I'm not well experienced. The chorus is a hit for me, especially this line: He’s more than just a habit he could be you or me. I know from my own experiences, from being through a lot of trauma, I hit the alcohol on many times to heal the pain, but I decided to chose a different path. I very rarely drink alcohol, and I'm now strong enough to know it doesn't help when you're hurting bad. You don't know what's going to happen in your life, it can change in an instant. Good luck with this song, I'm a big fan, fantastic. Hugs Michele Hi Michele Sorry for the delayed response I try to allow other songs to ride the top of the list and not keep shoving mine back up top... Thanks for listening and commenting, happy you can relate to the song, empathy was my goal not sympathy. Yeah this one is still under construction. When I have it where I want it I will more than likely repost it... Thanks again for your time. Cheers Paul
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A genuine heartfelt song in melody and voice. I have nothing to add to the other critiques. Howdy R. Shayne Vaughan Thanks for the thumbs up, I appreciate it. Cheers Paul
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Howdy All
Let me know what ya think of the redo.
Cheers
Paul
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Hi Pauly,
I like this alot, reminds of one of my husband that died from alcohol....he kept saying all I drink is beer and once he asked me to get him nerve pills...but then never took them....and his was more than a habit...
this song is great..love it...
now this is more like it.....Pauly's back....
On this song, hey, I love everything about it, the guitar, lyrics and your voice was meant for this one..
glyn
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Hi Paul, I love it. You're a great story teller. In a way I wish he'd gotten sober instead of dying but that's like sometimes. Dottie
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Hi Pauly,
I like this alot, reminds of one of my husband that died from alcohol....he kept saying all I drink is beer and once he asked me to get him nerve pills...but then never took them....and his was more than a habit...
this song is great..love it...
now this is more like it.....Pauly's back....
On this song, hey, I love everything about it, the guitar, lyrics and your voice was meant for this one..
glyn Hey Glyn Thanks for taking another listen and for the kind words, you are always encouraging... Cheers Paul
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Hi Paul, I love it. You're a great story teller. In a way I wish he'd gotten sober instead of dying but that's like sometimes. Dottie Hi Dottie Thanks for having another listen, I appreciate it. I tried to get this guy sober but he wouldnt have it so I had to kill him...
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I like what Stevie has done, just the right touch....
glyn
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Hi Paul, Listening again, I love this song. The music is perfect now Stevie did a great job! I look forward to hearing more of your songs you're batting 2 for 2 so far. Dottie
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Good piece of writing here Paul.
Vic
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I like what Stevie has done, just the right touch....
glyn Hey Glyn Yes I agree, was a very nice gift from Steve. Cheers Paul
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Hi Paul, Listening again, I love this song. The music is perfect now Stevie did a great job! I look forward to hearing more of your songs you're batting 2 for 2 so far. Dottie Howdy Dottie Thanks again for giving another listen. Steve's added instruments really did the trick on adding dynamics to this tune I think. I look forward to my next song also, I'm never sure if there will be another... Cheers Paul
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Good piece of writing here Paul.
Vic Thanks Vic, happy you liked it! Cheers Paul
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Hey Paul...
This is one of your best...it evokes emotion and makes ya think.
To me this is what good song writing is all about...commercial or not.
Larry
P.S. When I saw your title I thought it was going to be about nuns "dressing up"...nice surprise.
Last edited by in2piano; 02/09/12 07:02 PM.
Can't find the stairway to 'heaven'...but I know where the elevator is.
Each of us has cause to think with deep gratitude of those who have lighted the flame within us" - Albert Schweitzer.
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Hey Paul...
This is one of your best...it evokes emotion and makes ya think.
To me this is what good song writing is all about...commercial or not.
Larry
P.S. When I saw your title I thought it was going to be about nuns "dressing up"...nice surprise. Hey Larry Thanks for the kind words. This is certainly the most self revealing song Ive written, as I said in an earlier response I lived the night described in the first verse. LoL I never considered more than just the habit when applied to a nun, but now that you have pointed it out I see it as a logical first thought... Cheers Paul
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Paul, I liked it before, I like it even better now. I could hear a female voice joining in on the chorus.
Pam
Never think can't do - think how to
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Paul, I liked it before, I like it even better now. I could hear a female voice joining in on the chorus.
Pam Hey Pam Thanks for taking another listen I appreciate it. I like what Steve has added seems to make it ok that the song is over four minutes long. I would love to have Harmonies, perhaps I will at some point when its not a cel phnoe recording...  Cheers Paul
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Hi Paul
Very very touching and real man... All I kept thinking right from the start was how this could happen to anyone. Also how narrow the line is between and having a beautiful home and family or any home and anyone for that matter, and having NOTHING!
I loved everything about it and there were some GREAT lines in there especially for telling such a familiar story..
Lines like
"The king of empty sidewalks"
"He kicks away the cardboard"
"Feeling like a hostage whose ransom won’t get paid"
And many more... The heart & soul is in your performance and that's what matters most. Yes you could tighten it up a tad, with the drum beat and staying steadier but it's not a big factor unless your selling or pitching the song.
Also the "old school" approach stands for me. That is a SAD song does not have to be real "Slow" And happy song uptempo. Shoot
"Seasons In The Sun" would never have hit the charts....
What about that "Three Wooden Crosses" hit from a few years ago.
So upbeat it sounded like he was happy everybody died in the crash lol.
Good feel and speed for the song, probably the beat could lay back at times to rim shots or just hi hat and a kick drum on every four.
Also the song could work with no drums or just drums in the chorus for a lift effect...
Very nice man,no nits really at all.
Mike
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Howdy Mike
Thanks for the listen and taking the time to point things out, I really appreciate it. I dont think ive ever listened to anything you have posted and not been entertained the skill level is apparent.
The three lines you pointed out as good were three of several that I wondered about "King of empty aidewalks" and Feels just like a hostage whos' ransom wont get paid" I wondered if they werent to poetic, and "Kicks away the cardboard" i wondered if it wasnt a bit cliche or exaggerated.
Although I had heard the songs you pointed out I had a listen and you're right very uptempo tunes, I guess it's the elements in the mix that set the mood more so than tempo.
At this point the recording and mix ride on the back of a guitar/vocal done on a cel phone, Steve Beiderman was kind enough to surprise me with the added instruments.
Cheers
Paul
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