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You have some good lines but generally a lot of it misfires.
I think the hook line is OK.

I edit and say "keep" on the lines I like. I hope that is useful to you. I don't want to suggest anything, I don't think you need that - you just need to know what works.

I guess I did the edits in the 'quote' section on top


For comparison here is how I would probably mark John Prine' "Angel from Montgomery"

I am an old woman, named after my mother Keep
My old man is another, child that's grown old Keep
If dreams were thunder, lightning were desire Keep
This old house would have burnt down, a long time ago Keep

Make me an angel that flies from Montgomery Keep
Make me a poster from an old rodeo Keep
Just give me one thing that I can hold on to Keep
To believe in this living is just a hard way to go Keep

When I was a young girl, well I had me a cowboy Keep
He weren't much to look at, just a free rambling man Keep
But that was a long time, and no matter how I try Keep
The years just flow by, like a broken down dam Keep

There's flies in the kitchen, I can hear 'em there buzzing Keep
And I ain't done nothing, since I woke up today Keep
How the hell can a person, go to work in the morning Keep
And come home in the evening, and have nothing to say Keep

I'm just messing with you but redo your song until every line is sterling, I'd love to mark the lines up like this
Maybe what is required is some real story- something you really experienced. If you set out to write a pick up song, it kind of works but if you really dig deep down to where you are feeling it, the song will show that. I think the magic in music may be that emotional honesty is rewarded when you are actually touching something in the human heart. It works because it touched yours first. Yes I think a pick up song can achieve that. You have enough good lines to have created a nice template for the "work or art" you want. Let your emotions and own experience, or keen observations fill it the rest and I bet the imagery will be surprising and compelling.

If i were writing this, I think I would work around the idea you presented when you said "a tattoo’d misfit angel without a ring"
OK now we are interested-maybe you should introduce her sooner. And follow up on the "misfit" angle. We need to learn more about her. Go find her, because she is your gold here. Really define her character and she will provide you with all the killer lines you want.

This song is not linked any more, but the song that the link does go to is pretty groovin. Great guitar work really dig it.

https://www.soundclick.com/artist/default.cfm?bandid=626562&songid=10767042