JPF Home Page Forums Lyric and MP3 Feedback Lyric Feedback Forum 3 on hold

ON HOLD

To me it has a light, bouncy feel, which I like and it is worth sprucing up rhyme wise, because the rhyme adds inherent rhythm -- which also increases your chances of attracting a composer after all the lyrical work is done.

BUT
Because this song is worth it, I would totally lose the " how you lick me" bit.
Why wilfully lose your entire audience of people who still have a politically INCORRECT sense of decency in entertainment.

Cheers,
Terry

Okay Terry;

Rhyme last word of each line
Matching the last word of the next line?

Terry; lick we change no doubt.

See I need to learn about this rhyming and meter before I can change a thing here.

Sounds like you like this song...do you want to work on it and get credit or shall we wait till I learn more about the areas of rhyming and meter?
Petra

Hi Petra,

One other interesting thing here is that you have shown a natural ability in that you have created a refrain at the ends of your verses but you have a chorus as well.
The refrain, "something is missing" is a good one and so the song wouldn't even need a chorus because a repeating end-verse REFRAIN serves the same purpose as a Chorus.

So if your Chorus wasn't very good, I'd say scrap the chorus and use the bits of it elsewhere and just go with the refrain (something is missing" except that your chorus is cute too and so you can keep both refrain AND chorus.

But something ELSE to consider in mind is that the chorus idea is not new.
Steve Miller had a hit chorus with:
Abracadabra or Abraca DEBORAH"

Thanks for the co-writing offer but don't add my name to anything unless I say I want to commit to working on it O.K. :-)
I always appreciate when people recognize how little it takes to make someone worthy of a co-writing credit and makes the offer. That's songwriting professionalism. Most of the time I'm just freely giving the suggested changes and will turn down the offer.

MFB III was good enough to make me a co-writer and added my name but without my asking and I appreciate that. But because I wasn't captivated on the whole with his idea, I was just giving what I gave and SO NOW I end up feeling a little guilty because I wasn't really into committing to that whole song. I just wanted to help.

Terry

Terry, Terry, Terry,

Wonderful for the feedback, refrain, see I don't even know the term. Something I never knew, do without the chorus if you have a refrain.

Abracadabra has been used before, in a chorus...? What does one do..I recall, all titles have been used before...it's the details..maybe Marc posted this I don't know...if the chorus is taken out then will the refrain line be the title and hook?
Something Is Missing

I didn't even know I had written a refrain!

What way shall it go?
Help

P.S: Terry sometimes a little change can turn a whole song around; every input is important.

Hi Petra,

someone will no doubt tell you that it doesn't matter if someone else has used the same title because titles are not copyright-able, and that is true.

but if selling your songs is your goal, and you have a fertile mind (and if you are a "songwriter" you do) you should stay fresh and new to maximize your chances all around. More parties will be interested in your song . . . publishers, other writers, artists, composers.

So yes, you can simply write another verse or two that end with "Something is Missing" . . . and if you think of some other information pertinent to the story that isn't in the verses, then create a BRIDGE.

A BRIDGE or Chorus could even start with:

Yes, Something is Missing
Ever since you. . . .
Yada, yada, yada
Something , something . . . kissing
something I can't put my finger on
Something I'm hoping I'll stumble upon
Something is missing.

And no, ALL titles have not been used before.

Don't rush it.
Don't "push the river" as they say.
Let ideas come to you rather than trying to force them and they won't come off sounding contrived.

Start by making your new title:
Something is Missing

BUT YES it has already been done and so maybe you should focus more on Kisses From Heaven or change your existing Chorus to Something besides "Abracadabra".
If your idea was significantly different that John Meyer's that would be different.
I have two songs with titles I had before I knew the songs had been done, but my ideas around the same titles are so totally different from there's that I'm sticking with them. I tried to change them both and put tons of work into trying but in the end decided to stay with my original, though not original, titles.


"Something's Missing" BY JOHN MEYER

I'm not alone, I wish I was.
Cause then I'd know, I was down because
I couldn't find, a friend around
To love me like, they do right now.
They do right now.

I'm dizzy from the shopping malls
I searched for joy, but I bought it all
It doesn't help the hunger pains
and a thirst I'd have to drown first to ever satiate

Something's missing
And I don't know how to fix it
something's missing
And I don't know what it is
At all

When autumn comes, it doesnt ask.
It just walks in, where it left you last.
And you never know, when it starts
Until there's fog inside the glass around your summer heart:

Something's missing
And I don't know how to fix it
something's missing
And I don't know what it is
At all

I can't be sure that this state of mind, is not of my own design
I wish there was an over the counter test, for loneliness.
For loneliness like this.

Something's missing
And I don't know how to fix it
Something's missing
And I don't know what it is
No I don't know what it is
Something's different
And i don't know what it is
No I don't know what it is


Terry

Terry:
My stupid computer page down wasn't working and just got the bottom part of your message.

So lets see if I change the chorus;word Abracadabra, with something fresh. Other route has been done before as you said title and theme.

So what I will do is keep the chorus and find a hook line more fresh..yeah; I will go that route. Yes...thanks for the guidance.


Petra
Grateful!!

Great, and good thinking.

Your computer is fine, I added an extra part to my last message.

when you want to add more to something you post, then click the little EDIT button.

Terry, what do you think?



Chorus revised:

IF WE HAD A MAGIC WAND

IF WE HAD A MAGIC WAND
We would bring back the magic
And weave a spell or two
IF WE HAD A MAGIC WAND
We would bring back the passion
It's way over due
IF WE HAD A MAGIC WAND
We would bring back
The long walks and talks
Till the wee hours of dawn.

Petra



Petra

Hi Petra,

Well, well !
I like your persistence.

Well here's what you've inspired:

Chorus:

MY ALADDIN SONG
Bring back the magic
Weave a spell FOR two
SOME DAY SOON
Bring back the ROMANCE
It's way over due . . .
Bring back the long walks
And talks till dawn
Grant us THIS ONE WISH
MY ALADDIN SONG

Subject to improvement of course.

Terry

Terry the Aladdin thing no good, song already with that word/film by Disney I think...changed it check new post. Sorry should of checked ahead before using it. Though you did make it sound good.

above your new post
Petra

Of course the name Aladdin will have been used before but my idea is that the actual singing of the song, is the rubbing of the lamp in the story of Aladdin's lamp, and I don't think you'll find a song called My Aladdin Song.

You might be thinking too lyrically, too literally,

The idea is that through the MAGIC OF SINGING YOUR OWN SONG, THE MAGIC SPELL OF MUSIC, your wish will be granted.

Type "Magic Wand Song" into Google . . . tons of stuff.

"My Aladdin Song . . . nothing.

You always need to look for some imaginative take or twist, if you are using a common theme.

Oh, well there you go..learning here; yeah I was thinking literally. Okay let's go with that. Reading it over it does flow better than what I had.

Wow, so if we use this as our chorus.what about the verses ?

Do they need work?

I Like It let's go for it.

Terry - see how it reads NOW... I think it works really good...stroke of genius Terry..


MY ALADDIN SONG


Verse1: male singer here

Honey I don't mind how your hair
Is turning gray what's left of it
And I don't mind how you wear
That red baseball cap to bed
Don't even mind how you leave me
A note on the fridge saying,
"Gone Fishing With The Boys"
But I can't ignore this feeling
Something is missing.


Chorus: (both male and female singers)

MY ALADDIN SONG
Bring back the magic
Weave a spell FOR two
SOME DAY SOON
Bring back the ROMANCE
It's way over due . . .
Bring back the long walks
And talks till dawn
Grant us THIS ONE WISH
MY ALADDIN SONG

Verse 2: male singer

Darling I don't mind how you wear
That plaid nightgown to bed
And I don't mind how you feed the pets
First come morning
I don't even mind how you lick
Me Playing pool down at Kicks
But I can't ignore this feeling'
Something is missing.


Repeat chorus both singers here[/color]


Edited by Petra (Today at 11:02 AM)
_________

Looking good!

Don't forget to re-write the "lick" part in the last verse.

Shorter Chorus (more musical structure).

ALADDIN SONG . . .
Bring back the magic
Weave ME a spell FOR two
Bring back the ROMANCE
It's way overdue . . .
Bring back the long walks
And talks till dawn
Grant us THIS ONE WISH
MY ALADDIN SONG

Next time the Chorus plays:

ALADDIN SONG . . .
Bring back the magic
Weave ME a spell FOR two
Get us back on the love track
We're way overdue . . .
Bring back the long walks
And talks till dawn
Grant us THIS ONE WISH
MY ALADDIN SONG


Terry

HI Petra and Terry.

I have been following this and seems to be progressing realy well.

I will add some thoughts for you KOS

I don't mind what makes you tick
OR me Playing pool at Kicks
But I can't ignore this feeling'
Something is missing.


also maybe change one line by reversing it.


Honey I don't mind how your hair
Is turning gray what's left of it
And I don't mind how you wear
That red baseball cap to bed
Don't even mind how you leave me
A note on the fridge saying,
"With The Boys" Gone Fishing
But I can't ignore this feeling
Something is missing.


God Bless Roy and Helen

Wow, Roy...

great help here!!!

Terry, will do. I feel a good vibe all around this song.

Petra

Yep!

Good suggestions from Roy!

After all the material details, subject matter, straight it can be made to "sing" better (FLOW BETTER) by tightening up the rhyme scheme and structure.

Terry hope okay to use Roy's suggestions? What do you think?

Roy, hope okay to use;


CHANGES TO VERSE ONE; TERRY PLEASE READ OVER. I guessed at how to do this rhyme scheme.

ALADDIN SONG


Verse1: female singer here

Honey I don't care how you're losing
Your hair and how you hide the fact
Under that Chicago Cubs baseball cap
I don't even care about the dishes
In the sink or towels on the floor
Or how you didn't fix the door
I don't mind the note on the fridge
"With The Boys" Gone Fishing
But I can't ignore this feeling
Something is missing.

Chorus:1

ALADDIN SONG . . .
Bring back the magic
Weave ME a spell FOR two
Bring back the ROMANCE
It's way overdue . . .
Bring back the long walks
And talks till dawn
Grant us THIS ONE WISH
MY ALADDIN SONG

Verse 2: male singer

Darling I don't mind how you wear
That plaid nightgown to bed
And I don't mind how you feed the pets
First come morning
I don't mind what makes you tick
Or playing pool at Kicks
But I can't ignore this feeling'
Something is missing.

Chorus2:

ALADDIN SONG . . .
Bring back the magic
Weave ME a spell FOR two
Get us back on the love track
We're way overdue . . .
Bring back the long walks
And talks till dawn
Grant us THIS ONE WISH
MY ALADDIN SONG

Good for you!

Now, especially because the 2nd running of the chorus is slightly different,
I refer to it as the OUT-CHORUS. . . and because that section, that Chorus, ENDS the song.

Also I just noticed that you are applying attention to detail because you noticed I dropped the MY before Aladdin Song as the Chorus begins.

Now . . . for a really important part.
The song opens with a line that is only a partial line that doesn't mean anything without line two. . . and what's worse, it is rhyme-dependant.

Honey I don't mind how your hair
Is turning gray what's left of it

It's almost like cheating, but I know it isn't deliberate.
Each line should be MEANINGFUL ON ITS OWN even if it links to another for completion. You don't want a line that is just HANGING, like a dangling participle in grammar.

So rather than me just re-work it for you. . . keeping all the best of what's there hopefully . . . . see what you can do first.
Remember that words are a dime a dozen so don't be afraid of change
or to throw one away.
The creative potential of your soul, your word flow,
is an endless river. . . when your heart is right
so don't be afraid of throwing something away, or putting it aside.

AND in whatever you do, think of the rhythm that RHYME adds.
Think Bob Dylan, no matter how serious the subject matter is rhyming was impeccable because he knew that rhyming gives the lyric musical cadence.

The first verse is going to have to establish THE RHYME SCHEME.

Nothing wrong with the "grey hair" idea . . verse just needs work.

Terry what about that 2 lines Roy suggestion...does it make sense?
tick for lick?
And the me or should it be you playing down at Kicks?

Gone Fishing Roy changed and used; it rhymes better doesn't it?

Out-Chorus: never new this term either. So it is the last chorus of the song with the slight variation.

Petra Help

Hope I can figure this out;

Petra

Thank you for the help...now I got to establish the rhyme scheme..oh boy..let's see.

How did you know I am chicken of changing words, afraid I won't get any thing better maybe ...that's it.

TERRY,
CHANGES TO VERSE TWO revised; please read Terry. Thanks

ALADDIN SONG


Verse1: female singer here

Honey I don't care how you're losing
Your hair and how you hide the fact
Under that Chicago Cubs baseball cap
I don't even care about the dishes
In the sink or towels on the floor
Or how you didn't fix the door
I don't mind the note on the fridge
"With The Boys" Gone Fishing
But I can't ignore this feeling
Something is missing.

Chorus:1

ALADDIN SONG . . .
Bring back the magic
Weave ME a spell FOR two
Bring back the ROMANCE
It's way overdue . . .
Bring back the long walks
And talks till dawn
Grant us THIS ONE WISH
MY ALADDIN SONG

Verse 2: male singer
[b]
[b]Darling I don't mind how you wear
That nightgown that seen better days
And you won't here me complaining
About the curlers in your hair
Or how you want me take the dogs
For a walk before my day job
I don't even care how you spend
Money on another new dress
But I can't ignore this feeling'
Something is missing.

[/b]Chorus2:

ALADDIN SONG . . .
Bring back the magic
Weave ME a spell FOR two
Get us back on the love track
We're way overdue . . .
Bring back the long walks
And talks till dawn
Grant us THIS ONE WISH
MY ALADDIN SONG

Looks good so far. . .

When you first saw Roy's line
don't wait too much on me to know if it works
cause we could change it later if it gets in the way
or move it around

because

It was an excellent hook for the song theme as a whole
"what makes him tick"

maybe . . . but it ALL depends on how sad the "missing" part is!!

It might be a fun bridge OR (and don't start it now) whole other song about the same guy AFTER you fall back in love because of this song. Sequel to the same guy.

I'm a little distracted
Hey baby, what makes you tick
Sometimes you're "thick as a brick"
As Ian Anderson said
The flute playing Songwriter
The leader of Jethro Tull
He was. . .

ENDING

Baby what's that tickin'
Sometimes you're thick as a brick 'n
Sometimes something is missing
Hey Hey
Aladdin
Take me away

Take me away

Gadzooks!

Do you mean the rhyme scheme is okay for first verse one?
Keep in mind I haven't the chance to study up on this...yet that is.

Petra

No for this song your title is more unique an fits the bill.

Petra

Re-read my last post.

don't get it: maybe I ;m thick as a brick here.

But both guy and girl are complaining about this magic missing...so that's is why I like Aladdin Song.

How can we build a bridge about him being thick because she is at fault too and complaining something's missing....I'm lost what you're trying to get across here?

Petra

So you mean..for another song you mean..wwwh..cause I like what we have...the bridge I will leave alone...
The second verse needs to fit rhyme scheme with verse one right..so take out don't mind how you tick here and save for bridge?

It's my fault,
I haven't gotten into the verses yet.
Give me time.

Sorry, Can You read verse 2 now; just revised..up above again.

Thanks
Petra

Roy..if you are reading this; what do you think of the revisions.

Petra

Petra & Terry,

I just read through these interchanges, and just wanted to comment on how inspiring it is to witness you respond so honest yet still respectful to each other, about your heart and blood!

That's inspiring to us all! WELL DONE

Hello,

SongCabinet:

Thank you for your kind words. If we can inspire others great, I didn't know we were doing that. I am truly, lucky, that Terry has taken his time out to help me. I am learning from him with every post he places here!!!

Petra

G'Mornin' Mz P and Bro Terry!

Yeah, it's been fun watching this Baby Take Shape!

From a Marketing POV, I'd shy away from "OLD" Descriptors, like the now deep-sixed "gray hair". There ARE 25-33 yr olds in the SAME predicament as you're dealing-with, &...heh..THEY buy a lot more downloads.

Steve Miller (Band) sorty "Owns" Abracadabra...with onea the Simplest Choruses EVER:

Abracadabra
I wanna reach out & grab ya...
Abracadabra..
Abracadabra.

LIKE Your New Title..it works. I'd (personally) not go into Her Drinking Habits as SPECIFICALLY as ya have there..try to keep her More Universal. (MIGHT wanna have him not entirely care how she always heads off to bed early & she's Always Asleep when he gets there?..) Dunno...but yeah, needs Something Universal plugged-in.

Good Luck with a Good'n' P&T!

Best Wishes & Big Hugs,
Stan

Stan The Man

Thanks for your insight! So will take out the drinking part..the gray hair is gone to losing hair...is that still out of the young crowd, I guess.

Good to have a new pair eyes on board!

Thanks...

Petra

working on it

Terry:

New changes in verse 2; thanks to Stan's recent insight this morning.

However going to verse one...losing hair..is this out of the 25-35 target group? Some men lose hair early on? Or shall we write here?



ALADDIN SONG


Verse1: female singer here

Honey I don't care how you're losing
Your hair and how you hide the fact
Under that Chicago Cubs baseball cap
I don't even care about the dishes
In the sink or towels on the floor
Or how you didn't fix the door
I don't mind the note on the fridge
"With The Boys" Gone Fishing
But I can't ignore this feeling
Something is missing.

Chorus:1

ALADDIN SONG . . .
Bring back the magic
Weave ME a spell FOR two
Bring back the ROMANCE
It's way overdue . . .
Bring back the long walks
And talks till dawn
Grant us THIS ONE WISH
MY ALADDIN SONG

Verse 2: male singer
[b]
Darling I don't mind how you wear
That nightgown that seen better days
And you won't here me complaining
About the curlers in your hair
Or how you want me take the dogs
For a walk before my day job
I don't even care how you spend
Money on another new dress
But I can't ignore this feeling'
Something is missing.

Chorus2:

ALADDIN SONG . . .
Bring back the magic
Weave ME a spell FOR two
Get us back on the love track
We're way overdue . . .
Bring back the long walks
And talks till dawn
Grant us THIS ONE WISH
MY ALADDIN SONG

Hi Petra. You called...

I think this is working its way through to a soon to be finished set of lyrics.. but I will give my POV.

My longest number of re-writes on lyrics was 17 re-writes. and each one changed direction lol.

I can only say what I would do if it was mine and I hope you are ok with my thoughts.

as usual everything is KOS.

I always put 4 or 8 lines or 12 in verses. yours are 10 which for me is hard to work with, so I guess that's a handy cap in many ways. I have changed to 12 because it seems to be easier for me to rhyme then.
And I also am not fond of a line leading to another that it relies on for a rhyme. Just me lol

I am not sure about the 'ALADDIN SONG' as I feel some will not understand it. If it was 'Magic Lamp' sure. Just my opinion.

So my take would be. and its just that, my take.

God Bless Roy and Helen


ALADDIN SONG


Verse1: female singer here

I don't care that you're losing hair
And that you try to hide the fact
In fact I find it quite cute
You wearing your baseball cap
I don't mind dishes in the sink
Or clean towels on the floor
And promises you don't keep
Like. honey, I'll fix that door
I don't mind the note on the fridge
"I'm With The Boys" Gone Fishing
But I can't ignore this feeling
That 'something is missing'.

Pre Chorus:
MAGIC LAMP OH MAGIC LAMP
Chorus
Bring back the ROMANCE
Please my life enhance
Weave ME a spell FOR two
It's a long ways overdue . . .
Grant us THIS ONE WISH
Let us seal it with a kiss

Verse 2: male singer
[b]
I don't mind your old nightgown
And the curlers in your hair
You won't hear me complaining

That's how far I got Petra. If you want me to carry on, just give me the nod.

You may hate what I have done. so please just use loose or abuse it.

God Bless Roy and Helen

Hi Petra,

I didn't read all the comments but I did see Stan's lines;

Abracadabra
I wanna reach out & grab ya...
Abracadabra..
Abracadabra.

LOL it grabbed me, I would try to work that in!

Looks like you're in very good hands here so I'll leave you guys with it.

Dottie

Hi Petra,

You seem to have missed my point about not having lines that are meaningless without the lines that follows them and I notice Roy has reminded you again.
Maybe you didn't understand that, but in that case, ask.
Pick up every stitch remember.

You started both verses that way. Verse 2:
"Darling I don't mind how you wear
That nightgown THAT'S seen better days"

The second line stands alone but the first so-called "line" is meaningless on its own so essentially it takes the two of them to make ONE line. . . but that ONE line is too long, so then you just do some succinct and hopefully clever shortening. I'll halp with that verse (2) in a bit but first here is how I think verse ONE should run.

RHYME SCHEME: ABCB DEFE

Honey I don't care if you're losing your hair
Or HOW YOU HIDE IT UNDER YOUR baseball cap
I don't care about the dishes IN THE SINK
I'VE EVEN GOTTEN USED TO THAT. . .
I don't mind the note on the fridge
"ME AND The Boys Gone Fishing"
But I can't ignore this fee-ling
Some-thing is missing.


Save the "towels" and the "door that needs fixing" and any extras like the one's Roy or Stan offered, .for elsewhere . . . like NOW there's enough material for a VERSE 3 maybe, or maybe some of those things will be better than some of the other household complaints in verse 2.
WRITE DOWN ALL THE LEFTOVER AND PRUNED ITEMS AS YOUR PARTS DEPARTMENT
OF SUBJECT MATTER TO CHOOSE THE BEST OF IF NEED BE.

It would be excellent and obviously rewarding practice for you to try and rewrite verse 2 to perfectly match this new verse one.

Also. . . it might be be wise to not try to orchestrate this thing, with multiple voices, male and female, whatever, when you aren't a musician yet.

Terry

Well...this is confusing when one has no education in the matter or rhyme scheme.

No..I still trying...just got Roy's comments now...looking them over and sounds good.

Will study here. thanks for the rewrite of one and use it as guide for two.

This part how many lines...new to me...was just winging my writing...so this is all to me. Now rhyme scheme...haven't had time to study..and importance of each standing on it's own; still grasping that..

Have to sit back rethink and soak up what you have given me.

Much Appreciated for time and effort

Will work on it...

Petra

So lets see one thing at a time...trying to grasp...each line must stand on it's own, no matter what position that line is in the verse.

I am thinking going back to English 101..

There must be a subject and verb; complete, sentence?

So, its like if I was to take that line out of the context of the song and by itself...It should read as a sentence/a statement. In short stand alone.

mmmm...okay.

Now I'm getting; just rereading your notes; each line stands alone..

Second thing reason I put female and male singer; for the sole purpose of defining who is speaking in the verse...male talking to his wife in second verse...No I don't have the talent to be a musician..I think you need to start in elementary school, but then again, just read a website about an Engineer from Chicago picked up the guitar in his 50's...he has a site with old country lyrics...a place for me to go back in study.

Going off track here. Okay, now to work on 2; now I understand the verses had too much going on (extra lines;complaints save for verse 3).

What about the change of the chorus; see Roy's Chorus.

Petra

Howdy Roy,

Thank you for your help...I am just understanding now, finally what you and Terry have been trying to get across to me...about how each line must make sense on it's own.

Got it now.


Secondly, the chorus...will check with Terry on this...you have brought insight to this...not everyone might grasp the hook there....I do like your Chorus...will take into consideration here as we want to make it universal appealing and understood by all.

Right will start verse 2 pick up your lines here and see what happens.

Verse one Terry has done a rewrite, but who knows; love it.

Thanks again Roy, a big help here.

Always learning
Petra

Terry, revised verse2;

The DEFE...SO THE 2ND AND FOURTH LINE HAS TO RHYME; BUT NOT D AND F? NEW TO THIS.

Verse 2:


I don't mind that old flannel nightgown
Or that night cream you put on your face
I don't care you're a nightowl
I EVEN GOT USE TO THAT...
I don't mind how you rack up the credit
To buy dresses to party in
But I can't ignore this feel-ing
Some-thing is missing.

Dottie:

Glad you dropped in...found out the title has been used before, so we scraped it.

Sorry for delayed response.

any comments welcomed/appreciated.

Petra

Terry: REWRITE * NEW VERSE1 AND VERSE 2)


V1

Honey I don't care if you're losing your hair
Or HOW YOU HIDE IT UNDER YOUR baseball cap
I don't care about the dishes IN THE SINK
I'VE EVEN GOT USE TO THAT. . .
I don't mind the note on the fridge
"ME AND The Boys Gone Fishing"
But I can't ignore this fee-ling
Some-thing is missing.


ALADDIN SONG . . .
Bring back the magic
Weave ME a spell FOR two
Bring back the ROMANCE
It's way overdue . . .
Bring back the long walks
And talks till dawn
Grant us THIS ONE WISH
MY ALADDIN SONG

Verse 2:

I don't mind that old flannel nightgown
Or that night cream you put on your face
I don't care you're a night owl
I EVEN GOT USE TO THAT...
I don't mind how you rack up the credit
To buy dresses to party in
But I can't ignore this feel-ing
Some-thing is missing.


ALADDIN SONG . . .
Bring back the magic
Weave ME a spell FOR two
Get us back on the love track
We're way overdue . . .
Bring back the long walks
And talks till dawn
Grant us THIS ONE WISH
MY ALADDIN SONG

LATEST VERSION 2

(NEW HOOK, VERSE 1 AND MY REWRITE OF VERSE2 AND TAG ADDED)


I think the Magic Lamp...best to use for the average person to understand.


[u[i]]MAGIC LAMP[/u]
[/i]


V1

Honey I don't care how you on that truck
Or HOW YOU leave grease all over the place
I don't care about the dishes IN THE SINK
I'VE EVEN GOT USE TO THAT. . .
I don't mind the note on the fridge
"ME AND The Boys Gone Fishing"
But I can't ignore this fee-ling
Some-thing is missing.

MAGIC LAMP...OH MAGIC LAMP
Bring back the magic
Weave ME a spell FOR two
Bring back the ROMANCE
It's way overdue . . .
Bring back the long walks
And talks till dawn
Grant us THIS ONE WISH
MY MAGIC LAMP


Verse 2:

I don't mind that old flannel nightgown
Or that night cream you put on your face
I don't care you're a night owl
I EVEN GOT USE TO THAT...
I don't mind how you rack up the credit
To buy dresses to party in
But I can't ignore this feel-ing
Some-thing is missing.


MAGIC LAMP OH MAGIC LAMP
Bring back the magic
Weave ME a spell FOR two
Get us back on the love track
We're way overdue . . .
Bring back the long walks
And talks till dawn
Grant us THIS ONE WISH
MY MAGIC LAMP

tag:

Magic Lamp...Oh Magic Lamp
Grant us this one wish
Let's seal it with a kiss
.............My Magic Lamp

[u][/u][/b][b]

Roy, How do you like it with Magic Lamp...incorporated into chorus and end...works well I think?

Terry, what do you think of changes; will check if this has been used a lot or not.

Petra
Love the Help Here!

P.S; tag could be here as well; unsure of bridge though.

Did search at BMI and ASCAP...

for Aladdin Song - Nothing under title searches

Magic Lamp- there are 4 with exact title at BMI
ASCAP...9 or 10

Petra

FEED BACK FROM JPF folks welcomed here.

any comments here

Tag....?

Magic Lamp...Oh Magic Lamp
Grant us this one wish
Let's seal it with a kiss
My Magic Lamp

Petra

Petra I am really liking this now and you did great on that 2nd verse.

I will look for any last nits lol.. its in my nature. Maybe couple of suggs.

As usual KOS

God Bless Roy and Helen

Line one has two rhymes in the same line ‘care’ and ‘hair’. Just my preference to not have that… don’t want to conflict with the other great end of line rhymes.

For me line two needs to be a tad shorter and cap applies to everyone.. just a thought…

Could also be ‘Hat’ that rhymes… under your ‘hat’

Re-looking at the chorus and this is only my opinion, the lamp is suddenly there.. little bit strange..

I think it needs to established as an ‘IF I HAD A MAGIC LAMP’ etc
So.. it will be just thoughts KOS use loose or abuse

Verse1
Honey I don't MIND if you're losing your hair
Or HOW YOU HIDE IT UNDER YOUR cap
I don't care about the dishes IN THE SINK
I'VE EVEN GOT USE TO THAT. . .
I don't mind the note on the fridge
"ME AND The Boys Gone Fishing"
But I can't ignore this fee-ling
Some-thing is missing.

Chorus
If I had a Magic Lamp
I’d Weave a spell FOR two
Get us back on the track
Cos that’s way overdue . . .
I’d wish back those long walks
And talking right till dawn
Romantic meals with candle light
Having picnics on the lawn
If I had a Magic Lamp

Verse 2:
I don't mind that old flannel nightgown
Or that night cream you put on your face
I don't care you're a night owl
I EVEN GOT USE TO THAT...
I don't mind how you rack up the credit
To buy dresses to party in
But I can't ignore this feel-ing
Some-thing is missing.

Chorus
If I had a Magic Lamp
I’d Weave a spell FOR two
Get us back on the track
Cos that’s way overdue . . .
I’d wish back those long walks
And talking right till dawn
Romantic meals with candle light
Having picnics on the lawn
If I had a Magic Lamp

tag:
Magic Lamp...Oh Magic Lamp
Grant us this one wish
Let's seal it with a kiss