JPF Home Page Forums Lyric and MP3 Feedback MP3 Feedback Forum When I'm Just a Memory (new bridge)

Hey gang...I have finally got this to music and a good vocal...yes..that would mean I didn't sing it! LOL

Ms. Heather Morris has given me another beautiful performance...Let me know what you think, honestly..there's a spot I'm not sure about, but I'm not going to point it out....be honest


here's the new version with the bridge rewrite(the new bridge lyric is below the first one)Please let me know what you think!

http://soundclick.com/share?songid=9626222

this is the first one

http://soundclick.com/share?songid=9606061

When I’m Just a Memory
©2010 Caroline Holder

When I’m just a memory
What will it take for you to think of me
Will it be a sunny day at the beach
A swing hung on that old oak tree
When I’m just a memory

When I’m just a memory
Will laughter shared keep you company
What will you look for to bring you peace
And will your heart be at ease
When I’m just a memory

OLD BRIDGE
Make sure our babies know I’m watching them grow
And I can still see their smiles, tears, and loves and fears
I can hear their prayers

NEW BRIDGE
when lonlieness comes on so strong you think it's never going
close your eyes think of good times and everything you meant to me
When I’m just a memory
When photos are faded history
Time moves on without a you and me
There will come a day of harmony
When I’m just a memory

When I’m just a memory
When I’m just a memory
When I’m just a Memory
When I’m just a Memory

Hi Caroline:

I think this is very well done by Heather. For me spot on.

"What will you look for that bring you peace"

Ok the line above I thought should have been

What will you look for that bringS you peace

or

What will you look for TO bring you peace

Is that what you meant.

Yep a fine song and apart from above no nits.

I have listened to it 5 times now so that says something.

God Bless Roy and Helen

Hi Roy,
You're so right, that line is supposed to read (and sing) "what will you look for to bring you peace", sorry, I've edited and edited and then just sent it without doing a last check...my mistake, as usual.
I do love what Heather has done, she took something I felt sad about and made it less so. The vocal clip I sent her was a tad slower tempo, I was expecting depressing, glad she went up a step.

I'll go edit that line. Thanks for listening and letting me know you do like it. Glad it's working for you.

A beautiful song. Performed very well. The verse melody is great aamd has a real nice feel to it. Chorus part seemed real short but I liked the longp ause after prayers. As for the lyric, you're the genious. I can't find anything wrong.

Hi Glen,
Glad you like the song. When I wrote this to start with, it was quite a long bridge...I did shorten it to fit the melody idea I had, I tend to be long winded when I write (or talk, just not when I sing, go figure)

The bridge itself was an issue for me, I thought I'd see if I could do without it, but since there isn't a chorus, I thought I'd better or I'd have to go bluegrass with this and I'm not feeling bluegrass with it.

Anyway...thanks so much for the time to listen, I appreciate it.

Hi Caroline,
I think the arrangement really works well and the vocals are very nice. The lyrics are the best part for me "And I can still see their smiles, tears, and loves and fears" this is a very strong line. Well done on the hole thing I really liked the track.

Rgds
Andy

Hi Caroline

very Touching song and Heather does a great job ! -- the tempo is good... since the singer IS still there to sing it..

thanks for looking a BB ; ) jm

Caroline,

This is a very good song all round..and hey, Heather puts it over the fence....great job. glyn

Hi Andy,
Thank you for taking a few minutes to listen. That line you like is one of my favorites too. I wrote this during a time when I wasn't sure what my doctors were going to tell me so this is really my song, in more than one sense.

Ms. Joice,
You're very welcome on the bb song. You can do any genre you want to, you've got that ability to fit in anywhere.

I remember doign this one and I have a habit of killing people off in my songs (yes,I do, I just don't post them)

Ms. Glyn,
Glad to see you. Heather always does a beautiful job. Thanks for listening, I appreciate it!

Caroline,

Very pretty song, the singer is very good and sings it well.

That bridge doesn't seem right, the first line almost seems to be cut short, I think it cuts the singer off from finishing that line off and the pauses for me come off as hesitant. I'm sorry, it seemed like something was missing and I can tell when a singer isn't fluent through it that the melody and words aren't dancing as they should.

That is just my opinion, it is a beautiful song.

Tammy

Hi again Tammy,

You and your opinion are correct, I've revised the bridge, (a few hours ago). It'll be redone and so much better. Sometimes I have to halear it before I can make the changes necessary.

Really nice, Caroline! Heather is an absolute TREASURE when it comes to interpreting a song...she's got a golden voice and a really good ear for what the writer wants. This was a very enjoyable listen, and the lyric was very heartfelt...and sad, the way it was meant to be. Good job!

Caroline , I really enjoyed the listen and performance .
A good write.

Keep up the good work .

All the best
Jan

Hi,

This is SOLID WORK !
Sounds like a hit to me !
You should be proud of these lyrics !

Calvin


http://www.soundclick.com/bands/0/calvinstewart

Hi Caroline I came back for another few listens. Yep I like it that much.

I see you fixed that nit.. wow you are so quick.. Now for me it's perfect.

Where would a lot of us be without Heather.. she sure is a real godsend.

God Bless Roy and Helen

Hey Caroline
I really enjoyed the listen.

You've both done a great job with this song.

I know it seems that a song is never done but that's the way it is, when you love something and want it to be the best it can be.

Great Job...

Nelson

Hi Caroline,

Well written and nicely performed. I found it melancholy and wistful but not really sad. We all wonder what life will be like for those we leave behind and how we will be remembered. If, by your comments above, you meant to say that you have been in poor health, I hope that all is well. On the bright side, you now have a wonderful song from the experience.

Ricki

Roy...wow! Thanks so much, I am so glad you like this song.

Hey guys (Polly, Jan, Calvin, Nelson an Ricki)

I was worried that folks would take it to be morbid and distasteful, but they say write what you know, this was what I knew that day. I have shortened the bridge a bit, Heather will resing it and I'll put it up when she gets to it. Or rather, when she gets it to me. Glad the general concensus is good!

Hi Caroline,

I enjoyed it too...it is touching and Heather does sing it very nicely.

Nice job!

Kristi

Hey Ms. Kristi,
Thanks so much for listening, I've got another version now, new bridge....I'm going to listen to your...ummmm...a song....that Beth said we needed to hear.....not yours though, right?

Caroline,

That is much better, that made things smoother and gave you a better transition to the end.

Tammy

Hi Caroline,

Wow!! This is quite beautiful and touching.
I didn't understand (being away a while) the true nature of "When I'm Just a Memory" until I was reading through the discussion. It could be about divorce and the love is ending. Yet that LIFE may be ending... oh..... wow that ramps it up quite a bit.

I would say, if you want *that* real meaning perfectly clear, there needs to be a hint in the first verse that indicates illness, an imminent threat.

Although--going through it again -- it is clear.... I just may have missed it first time through. I'm reminded of Vince Gill's song about his late brother though (on his Christmas album) where the lyric is clear and direct that his brother is gone and this is the first holiday without him.

It's just that - "you" being a memory --as it stands-- could be... any way of departing out of someone's life.

So: that all said: my opinion on the bridge is to leave the first bridge, talking about the kids and that you'll hear their prayers (when you're on the other side)... that is completely moving.
With just a nod in the first line or two about "the doctor says it don't look good" or, something like that.

However: if you want it open to whatever interpretation the listener draws, the second bridge is also great and very moving and it can be as it stands.

I am not a huge country music listener anymore (grew up with it!! so I know what it's supposed to be), but I honestly can hear "HIT" in this song. It's really quite good. Be proud of yourself.

And Heather is --of course-- brilliant on those vocals.

I hope you're well.

Linda

Hi Caroline,

Wow!! This is quite beautiful and touching.
I didn't understand (being away a while) the true nature of "When I'm Just a Memory" until I was reading through the discussion. It could be about divorce and the love is ending. Yet that LIFE may be ending... oh..... wow that ramps it up quite a bit.

I would say, if you want *that* real meaning perfectly clear, there needs to be a hint in the first verse that indicates illness, an imminent threat.

Although--going through it again -- it is clear.... I just may have missed it first time through. I'm reminded of Vince Gill's song about his late brother though (on his Christmas album) where the lyric is clear and direct that his brother is gone and this is the first holiday without him.

It's just that - "you" being a memory --as it stands-- could be... any way of departing out of someone's life.

So: that all said: my opinion on the bridge is to leave the first bridge, talking about the kids and that you'll hear their prayers (when you're on the other side)... that is completely moving.
With just a nod in the first line or two about "the doctor says it don't look good" or, something like that.

However: if you want it open to whatever interpretation the listener draws, the second bridge is also great and very moving and it can be as it stands.

I am not a huge country music listener anymore (grew up with it!! so I know what it's supposed to be), but I honestly can hear "HIT" in this song. It's really quite good. Be proud of yourself.

And Heather is --of course-- brilliant on those vocals.

I hope you're well.

Linda

...And it did make me tear up.... as I lost a best friend in February to a long battle with stomach cancer. She left behind a wonderful husband and two sweet squirrely boys ages 9 & 11.

Hi Linda,

Sorry, it's been a crazy few days since you've replied to this.

I do want it to mean whatever it can to whomever is listening, everyone take away theri own meaning. Personally it tells me it's a death, but I have others not on the board who thought it was a breakup. Of course, that's kind of an odd take because if it is about a breakup this person is telling you they'll leave eventually...hmmm...anyway.


I like the first bridge, but from the point of any singer who could do this I'd rather have it open and not a definate mother point of view. Also, I am having the idea I may get a male vocal on the second and see what it sounds like. Well, second vocal with the first tempo.


Growing up I listened to everything from Bing Crosby to Black Sabbath, (toss counrty in the middle of all that) so I'd have to say I can honestly say I like all (ok, almost all) music.


I am glad its being recieved this way, another song I wrote, I sent it for a crit (Don't Tell) and the person told me they couldn't believe I had written it, they couldn't even listen it disgusted them so. So I suppose I did what I was supposed to do as a writer, evoke strong emotion!!

Thanks for the input, I appreciate any input given, it's helpful...very helpful.

I love these lyrics and a great voice too. I didn't hear before you edited, can't find anything to say, maybe, play it again.

Dawny,
Hi, glad you like this. I have both links to both versions posted up there. The first one posted is the second version, the first version is the second link.

Okay, Miss Caroline....I really love this storyline/premise. I really love the melody....especially the moneyline melody....very nice on that. Not quite sure about the way line 2 of the new bridge is sung....I probably wouldn't have gone high there....but it could be just me.

A few place the lyric could be a bit stronger...IMO.

V.1...Line 3....I don't really have a sugg. at this point, but I feel it could say a bit more.

V. 2...Line 4...An will your heart be at ease ( make that more of a feeling line instead of a matter of fact)

And in the last Verse....the word HARMONY sticks out to me....what did you mean by that....maybe if I knew, I'd think it worked too....but, as is....I keep wanting to put something else in there....don't know what, right off though...(I'm lots of help, right...HA)

It feels just a little short, but maybe not.

There are some great lines in this...in fact many more great ones than not....like...WHAT WILL IT TAKE FOR YOU TO THINK OF ME.....WILL LAUGHTER SHARED KEEP YOU COMPANY......AND.....WHEN PHOTOS ARE FADED HISTORY (That one is outstanding....love it!)

I can hear this with a fuller production, but IMO....this is one that you don't want to over produce....the simplicity is so much of it's charm...nice one Miss C....and our Miss Heather sure don't hurt much either.

Jan

Jan says...

Okay, Miss Caroline..... Not quite sure about the way line 2 of the new bridge is sung....I probably wouldn't have gone high there....but it could be just me.

I say...

Its not just you, Heather was following what I'd sent her, not a hard thing to fix though.

Jan says...

V.1...Line 3....I don't really have a sugg. at this point, but I feel it could say a bit more.

I say...

Hmmm, gonna have to think on that and see if I agree, it's just summing up where the singer might be thought of, just as the next line, if that was changed the next would have to go as well, for this verse...

Jan says...

V. 2...Line 4...An will your heart be at ease ( make that more of a feeling line instead of a matter of fact)

I say...

I see your point

Jan says...

And in the last Verse....the word HARMONY sticks out to me....what did you mean by that....maybe if I knew, I'd think it worked too....

I say...

Harmony is not just for music...just meant to mean things will all come together for the better (did that help?)

Jan says...

It feels just a little short, but maybe not.

I say...

It shouldn't when it's a full production

Then Jan said all this other stuff you can read in her post cause I just deleted instead of highlighting....

But I will say...I do agree a full production with all the bells and whistles would be too much, but it needs some done.

Thanks so much for the input, I will be reading over your suggs again and I'm sure after being properly medicated I will do better with this.

I liked it a lot. You don't need any medication.
Ott

Hi Caroline,

This song is awesome, moving, a true gem -it evokes a voice from the other side and yet it isn't, that is really quite amazing. I listened to this song a few days ago and have been too busy to respond. I like it the way you put it first but I am new to songwriting so I think others probably have really good input for tweaking. Whichever way you go this has got to be a HIT.

Lelly

Wow, I would say for sure you have a very solid singer on this track! A very polished vocal, and a very well written song.
I do think that the mix could be a little better balanced, and I agree with some previous posts that a few more layers of instrumentation would make this a very commercially viable song. But, the bottom line is, a good song is a good song- and that is precisely what this is...

Hi Ott, Lelly and YA,
Good to meet you.

I am so glad that this song is coming across well. This is only a work demo. I get Heather to do the ones I can't get the chord figured out for and see where I need changes once its been sung. So mixing, layers and all weren't even a concern here, just melody, bridge, and acceptance.

Lelly, it doesn't matter how long you've been writing when you listen, only tht you listen and it makes sense, moves you in some way and relates to you or someone you know. As listeners we all have different tastes, as writers, different styles, but your ability and desire are there and you will go far. Never be afraid to share your opinion, yours will be just as helpful as anyone elses.

I haven't had much luck with my internet connection today, I'm typing thois from my phone, so I will have to come back and be friendlier...but thank you all for listening and letting me know how you feel about it, it is very much appreciated.

Caroline, I really liked your post of "When I am just a memory, and not to fear..with posts like that you will never be just a memory...superb work~~~MFB III