JPF Home Page Forums Lyric and MP3 Feedback MP3 Feedback Forum "I look for help" - 3 short demos - which one do you prefer?

Another McLight-poll for the Folks!

Please follow the link and listen to 3 short demos of verse + chorus and tell me which one you like most: "I look for help" V1, V2 or V3?
Link to "I look for help" V1-3

Thanx for your feedback!

PS: Please ignore my voice and the arrangement - just focus on melody and harmonies/chord-progression.

Hi McLight. Man, it was hard to choose. I had to listen a couple of times to all three. Each had elements I liked but I think Number 2 is my favorite because of the chordal progression in the chorus. You might even consider mixing it up some by trying different versions of the verses with other versions of the chorus and see what you come up with. At any rate, I enjoyed hearing each one. I hope this is of some help for you.

Stevie

Hi Stevie - thanx for your vote and for taking the time for several rounds of listening. It definitely is of help! And I understand your difficulties with this one - it's hard for me to choose a favorite, too.

But all in all this poll-type composing does make lots of sense for me. It challenges my creativity and reduces the risk of "blind-love" for a version. Yet I've never met anybody else who follows this idea, but I can highly recommend it: write several versions, choose 3 of them you think are good enough for a poll, and ask different people. It's fun, develops your songwriting skill and enables you to take a step back before spending lots of time on arranging and recording.

Hi Mclight

Hmm, I did like V2, but I prefer V3.

I hope that helps.

Hugs Michele

Everytime I hear you I think of A-Ha, you've got that vibe and sound....I know I've told you that before

V2 and V3 are the best, but I think that V2 has the more contemporary melody sound and I think that the stacatto of V3 will get monotonous. Just my opinion.

Tammy

My vote goes to version 2. It just flows better.

Rick

@Bolton: Thanx for your vote - and the hugs! ;-)

@Tammy: I remember now you've told me that comparison before - that was a big compliment for me, 'cause I like this band and esp. the singers voice and style. But we have a saying here: "A compliment is forgotten after one day - insults are remembered for ever". I'm ashamed to admit I had forgotten it ... but loved hearing it again!! :-)))
Anyhow, the final version will be performed by a woman. And will be "him" instead of "her" in the lyrics - just changed it to create no wrong impressions ... ;-)

@Rick: I see - and I think part of the difference in flowing might be the different piano-arrangement (layered chords for the verse and rhythmic for the chorus). Thank you for voting.

I kindly ask for some more votes - thanks!

I like version 2. It immediately sounded "right" to me. Not that there is a "right " in the creation of music, but to my ears it started out sounding better and that carried it through to the end.

Thanx for your vote, Bater! :-)
I think I understand what you mean with "right". The interesting thing for me is, that sometimes different people prefer different versions for this very "right" reason. I always got a favorite though. ;-)

Hi

Okay #1 is out.

I would say the verse of Vers #2 combined with the chorus of # 3
Or just #2.

On the song overall, I feel you have some really nice musical things happening and it should come out sweet. Lyrically I feel it needs an overhaul. It's not just the words themselves but also the way they sing/sound. You have to try to get away from lines like "heart & apart" and having words singing so they land awkward. Like 3 syllable sounding phrases.

"We - are a- part"

"There is only me- ee"

Try things like "It's only me"

How words sing is EVERYTHING in a song, then besides they do us all one big favor, they keep focus off of the lyric.

In this case your getting the double whammy - You "hear" the awkward phrase which gets your attention then see it's "heart & apart"

These are basic mistakes or trouble spots that are pretty easy to fix.

All the best

Hi Mike - thank's for dropping in again AND for your advice. I think I understand what you mean - esp. the "me-e" was something I didn't like at all.
I'm not so sure I understood your comment on "nice singing words keeping the focus off the lyrics" ... shouldn't that be "on the lyrics"?!? (Damn it - who invented different languages!! )

Hi There,

I would say start again or hitch up with an experienced Musical Composer.

I agree with Mike Caro's comments, but this type of melody is very dated, and as English is not your first language, you have to be very careful.

The third for me was the best, you modulated well. but those words are so corny.

And please no lyrical cliches, most you are using are from the 1930 s

Very simple, many many artists use many things that keep focus off lyrics. Not intentional it's just sometimes the nature of a songwriter.
It SOUNDS good so it is good. That's how most people perceive music.

Then you can read the lyrics and go, "oh my goodness these are like nothing a 15 or 30 minute write at best. This happens with VERY successful artists today every day... They don't all have to be "Bridge Over Troubled Water" or Midnight Train To Georgia or "Cats In The Craddle" but some multi Grammy winners use,
" I love you yes I do, it;s really true and I'm blue" ")
And voice, sound, and looks let them get away with it..

If we can't get it ALL in a particular song, make something or one thing strong/dominant in it...

I'm a bit confused: which type of melody is very dated? All 3 of them? Cause then you say to V3 "You modulated well" - you're just referring to the chord-progression itself but the melody of it is dated?

Regarding lyrics: it's a collab with an American writer who usually writes books (actually quite successfully - he is translated in several languages). But he usually doesn't write lyrics - that might be the reason for corny words? I don't know - but I don't think I'd do any better. Anyway: thanx for your advice + your vote.

I think now I understand what you meant: it sounds great but the content is ... well, not exactly "earth-shattering".

In general I agree with you. I remember how disappointed I was once I examined some lyrics of Sade in the 80's - songs I liked a lot ... before I really grasped their content.

As written above this is a collab with an American writer. Basically we put some chapters of a well-known book of him into music. I thought he'd be the best choice for doing so ... hmm ... the project is almost finished ... well, I'll see how the people will like it.

Version 3's got more "Kick" to it. Lyrically, that "Heart/Apart" rhyme kinda Dates-it Muchly.

The Upbeatedness (If I may coin that term) of V3 feels far-more Optimistic..for such a Downer Subject Matter as "I Look for Help".

Good Luck with a Tough Assignment, Amigo!
Best Wishes, Big Guy-Hug,
Stan

Hi Stan - thanx for your vote ... and the wishes ... guess I'll need them! ;-)

Generally it's hard for me to hear if a phrase is dated or not. I mean, when reading "Lord of the rings" in English even I feel, that many of the phrases are dated/unusual. But in this case "distraught" felt much stranger for me than "heart / apart".

Anyhow - till now this project runs well and we will finish this year (12 songs + 1 instrumental). It's a weird idea - and I'm curious how it will be perceived. But the whole creation is fun and I learnt a lot. :-)

#2 for me. Might be I just like the tone of the key board better.
But that is the one I would choose.
Tom

Thanx for your vote, Tom! :-)

McLight,

Version 3 gets my vote. It will hold up well when you get more instruments in the arrangement. I like the change from staccato to legato in the phrases.

Version 2 is ok, but it is less interesting. The more energetic music works with this lyric because "looking for help" usually isn't passive and calm.

Jonathan

Hi Mc, for me its numero uno! To me it has an Allan Parsons/ Gary Wright feel
and I could feel what this might sound like when its done! Looking forward to hearing it and I hope I helped not confused the issue.

Todd

@Jonathan: Interesting approach - thank you for sharing your thoughts - and I agree: looking for help is active. But realizing "in the end there's only me" (making things happen, creating etc.) is very active too. It shows that you recognize your responsibility for your life (you are responsible nevertheless you recognize it or not). That's what this song is about. It is NOT a love song. ;-)

@Todd: thanks for your vote and the Alan Parsons comparison - I adored their music in the 80's and listened to it A LOT. Gary Wright ... hm ... maybe due to the e-piano? But I don't know him that well.

Hi

I vote for 3

it's the only version where the apart/distraught has prosody -- but if it were mine I'd probably change that rhyme or placement in the lyric

jm

Heres a little gary wright from 75 on the midnite special. If you dont recognize this one look up dream weaver.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wCc7XJRDD74

Todd

@Joice: thanx for taking part again in my polls - I appreciate your feedback.

@Todd: now, that's a cool song - great bass line - and pretty tough to sing. Thank you for the link! :-)

Ok - Poll's closed. ;-)
Overall I got more than 30 votes with V2/V3 head to head. V3 will be the one. Perhaps with a modification of the verse (a verse closer to the V2 verse).
Thanx to all of you for your help and feedback!