JPF Home Page Forums General Messages General Message Forum Things You'll Probably Never Read At JPF

I've been an active member here for about 9 years. Here are some things I've near read on the boards here at JPF, and probably won't in the future. Anything else come to mind for you? The first 10 are mine. I'll credit folks with theirs as I add them to the list.


1. Big Jim, quit beating around the bush and tell us what you really think!

2. Louis Twinn, I think you need to trim the lyric on that one!

3. Jan Hopkins, that’s a terrible lyric!

4. Tampa Stan Good, your lyrics are always so damned conservative!

5. Joanne Lurgio, shut up, I can’t stand to listen to you sing!

6. Little Stevie B., heard you were really grooving to that Country station the other day!

7. Mike Dunbar, what a jerk and you know absolutely nothing about music!

8. Bill Robinson, heard you had a great time at the Disco last night!

9. Calvin Stewart, I wish you were a little more imaginative with your lyrics!

10. Al David, hey that was great…let’s hear you sing another one!

How about, "Alan, you're rude and you're not the best guitar player on this site."

Alan's list is FUNNY!!!!

HEY...... I made number 1. LOL

I think the number 1 should be:
DOESN'T BRIAN AUSTIN WHITNEY DO ANYTHING?

Hey guys...thanks for the input. I changed the original title of the the thread...dropped "10" from the beginning, that way I can just add to the list as you guys and gals come up with good ones of your own. I'll probably think of some more, myself.

Will add the several that have been suggested as soon as I get back from the store. But, gotta go for now. See ya in a while.

Alan

Here's a few:

Hey Ricki, enough with all the damn smilies already!

Hey Sub, that production needs a little work!

Hey Mark Kaufmann, Lighten up, Buddy!

Hey Beth, quit being such a wallflower!

Hey Wendy, that lyric is a little fluffy isn't it?

Hey T-Bob, weak vocal, man!

Hey Lynn, try to use some more rhymes!

Hey Louis, you're supposed to write critiques - not dissertations!



Scott

Edited for clarity

Scott Campbell, you should try to get along with Folks and work with at least one person here.

Bass2x, you should try doing more than just one thing.

Tom Tracy, try showing some love for animals.

Jeff Epstein, a "little" drive to see 2LT wouldn't hurt ya know.

Iggy, when are you going to care for others?

Marc Barnette, ever heard of a music town called "Nashville"?
(Same for Mike Dunbar of course), and other Nashvillians.

Bob Cushing, have you "ever" even played out?

And finally,
Marnie, you should practice our songs on drums with a clicker.

11. Dan O'Connell.....That song sucked I hated it.
12. Michele Bolton......Why is everything so dull and unexciting.
13. Stan.....I have had a mental block...nothing to write about.
14. Marc Barnette....I agree 100% with Big Jim.

This is too funny, and that's all I've got to say about that...

Couchgrouch...don't be afraid to defend your lyrics

Kevin Emmerich......I was watching It's a Wonderful Life since before you were born..Oh wait I did say that, found out he's older than me

Nightshift...Nope, we had a tough year..Merry Christmas my friend. (Still working on that some dude and an angel lyric though)


Robert Pickens..shoot somebody already said it

This is a great thread I gotta come back for more.

Merry Christmas
Kevin

All true except no. 10.

Tom

Funny thread!

Wyman Lloyd: "I hate cookies; I'll never eat another one ever again".

John

Joe Wrabek - "I wish you'd add some humor to your songs once in a while, life's too short geez!"

Kaley - "What's the matter doesn't your keyboard have dots....on it?"

Joyce and Calvin - "You guys never have lyrics with an edge to them, be more adventurous will ya"

Ben - "Curious if you like cookies since I never hear you talk about them?"

Beth - "It's sad that you don't have a broader vocabulary"

Louis - "You're lyrics need to get alittle more earthier"

Sub - "I hear you're afraid of mice"

Brian - "Where's your JPF hat, you didn't lose it did ya?"

Mike D - "I wish you would take your shoes off once in awhile and relax"

Mark - "Do you always have to be so serious"

Scott - "I wonder what you'd look like with a beard"

A few more

This is too much fun


Hey Heidi, why the glum face?

Hey Al, you gotta break out of that genre!

Hey John D, there's a band called the Beatles that you should check out!

Hey Tom T - Many people have a second or even third guitar - you should try it sometime!

Hey Grouch - Show, don't tell!

Mike Z, I wish you'd put a little more thought into your posts!

Shifty, quit encouraging the spammers!

Scott

Scott and Louis..you guys need to strike off on your own and do less stuff together


Magne... Really man nobody can do it all

Too funny! I want to play! Things certain JPFrs will NEVER SAY:

1. Ben Willis..."God, I HATE cooking! I HATE fishing too!"

2. Joe Wrabek..."I only want to write about living things."

3. Glynda..."I have so many men...I just can't take it!"

4. Calvin..."I've decided to become a police officer."

5. Tom Tracy..."I can make more money euthanizing perfectly healthy animals on the side."

6. Kaufman..."I'm only doing simplistic music...one vocal, one guitar track."

7. Bob Cushing..."I've given up my life of debauchery for the Priesthood."

8. Dan O'connell..."Your song SUCKED SCISSORS!"

9. Marc Barnette..."Nashville's really NOT all that..."

10. Al David..."I'm so OVER the guitar...I've taken up the steel drums."

I'm only doing simplistic music...one vocal, one guitar track.

John and Iggy--"The Beatles were overrated!"
Polly--"I'm joining the convent!" {touche!}

You guys are funny. I was wondering when somebody was going to bring the animals up. (Hey, we've all got skeletons in our closets. At least mine aren't human.)

Joe

Great FUN, SideGuy! (& 4 always has been My Lucky Number, Amigo!)

1) Marc Barnette: "Since I moved to L.A., I been gettin' cuts GALORE!"
2) Joe Wrabek: "This next song's about the wonders of the FDIC"
3) Tom Tracy: "Me & The Band smashed 4 guitars last night!"
4) Calvin: "Gonna dedicate this next one to my hero, Barry Manilow"
5) Polly: "Now that I know What You Men WANT, you AREN'T gonna get any.."
6) Big Jimmie: "My Next CD has this BIG Nashville Sound.."
7) Gary Gray: "This new Rap Song of mine is Really Fly!"
8) Bob Cushing: "LOVE this new Avatar, with my Red Beret, 3-Piece White Suit, and this bottle of Pink Chablis.."
9) Mz Beth: "This week's challenge is write a Death Metal Lyric about Speed Bumps"
10) Brian: "Linda & I've decided to take a week off & relax in the Bahamas..."

How about:

Stan, really you should try to be a little more productive. Try to write a new lyric at least once a week.

Brian, those membership fees are way too high.

Calvin, you need to work out more. Even people your age can have a six pack.

Tricia, you have too much time on your hands. Get a day job and try some hobbies.

Scott C, you need to be a little more adventurous and experience the Great Outdoors.

Patrick Bryant, don't be so analog.

Fun thread Al! Can't resist a few (ok, more than a few)...

1. Big Jim: "I am so excited about the upcoming season of 'American Idol'"!

2. Kristi McKeever: "Here's a little number off the top of my head"

3. Wyman: "So enough about me...."

4. Beth: "So enough about me...."

5. Joice: "I am so working this Rihanna haircut"

6. Tobias: "These color-by-number sets rock"

7. Mike Caro: "I'm so glad I gave up music to become a trapeze artist" [note from Beth: I can say this, b/c I have no balance either ]

8. Kaley: "I hate kids"

9. Lynn: "Here's a little song for you/To thank you for the things you attempt"

10. Moker: "I have no commercial aspirations for this one"

11. Ricki: "I'll try putting some feeling into the next song"

12. Stan: "I've never been a fan of upper case letters"

13. WriterTom: "Go find your own goddam opportunities posted in Nasville"

14. Polly: "I just wish sometimes I could let down my hair with yall"

15. John L Schick: "I hate when the Shout Box gets too wide"

16: DonnaMarilyn: "Screw the environment"

17: Tom Tracy: "I love my new studio apartment in the city"

18. Tricia: "Will someone take this mangy dog Clifford off my hands?"

19. Calvin: "Joice is so difficult to work with"

20. Heidi: "Cher who?"

21. Joe Wrabek: "This thong really IS comfortable!"

Back to one-handed gift-wrapping....Happy holidays!!

Beth

Y'know, a Death Metal song about speed bumps isn't a bad idea...

Joe

This all shows that folks have come to know what makes other folks tick. Though we may have various, and maybe some dramatic mood swings off the site, (being musicians and all that), our main personas come through loud and clear.

Very Entertaining! Clever and Funny!


John
PS...Who the heck are The Beatles again? Are they even signed? Any hits? They probably won't catch on if I never heard of them!
Now,,,,"The 1910 Fruit Gum Company"! We'll be chewing the fat over them for decades to come, and more! Classic music for the ages, inspired by many of the great artist of past, and of many genres! Simple Simon Says!

Very Funny Alan!!
Growing up I was nick-named Jibber Jabber .. bet there were those whe wanted to tell me to SHUT UP!!! LOL!!! but Thank you...
btw ..I love to hear you sing
xo Joanne

Beth I beseech you
To finish the rhyme
You left a rhyme hanging
You're cruel and unkind
I hardly can breathe
I can't catch my breath
To use "attempt" for "do"
Has got me so upset
At first I was puzzled
And then I realized
An incomplete rhyme
Was meant by design
Just cut off my toes
My arms and my head
Don't leave a rhyme hanging
I'd rather be dead
I'm restless and crazy
Half out of my head
How could you, why would you
I'm wetting my bed
I can't eat a thing
Your trust has been breached
You had in your hands
A rhyme within reach
What's that my ears hear
A knock at my door
Those men in white coats
Who are they coming for
Did you tell them I'm mad
That I'm going insane
It was YOU WHO unrhymed
You're the one whose to blame
Well I can't take this torture
And I cannot endure
You knew how to rhyme
Yet you chose to ignore
I ask you I beg you
I plead with you Beth
To finish the rhyme
Or witness my death!

Marl,

Although I think I might be in the conversation, I do not think I am the best guitarist ion the site. Bob Young is probably the best guitarist. But, Bob now has very significant health issues and rarely, almost never, gets to post anymore. But, I appreciate being in that conversation...and in your post!

Alan

Tom,

Thanks!

A crusty but honest and well-intended attitude counts for something after all! I've disagreed with you many times, but it doesn't fall of the boards into the personal arena. They're two separate issues. But, truth be known, I like ya both on and off the boards!

Alan

Tom,

That would be hard to argue with! Thanks for reminding me!

Alan

Scott,

Great list! And yeah, that danged Louis shouldn't take up so much page space in his replies!

Alan

John D.

Good call on all of those! Wouldn't argue with a single one of them!

Alan

Big Jim,

Spot on with each of those!

Nashville...where in the hell is that?

Alan

Louis,

There ya go again...all that excessive bantering. Sheesh! Will you never stop?

Alan

Kevin P.

Glad you're enjoying the thread. And thanks for contributing.

You must be a youngster...I'm 10 years older than Emmerich!

Alan

Tom,

Thanks for stopping in. I appreciate the comment. I doubt it would be anywhere near unanimous, though!

Alan

John,

Glad ya like what's going on here! And yeah, Wy is the original Cookie Monster. Of course Ben W. is right there with him!

Alan

Lynn,

Thanks for your contribution. And ya know, if Kaley could ever get those dashes as good as those dots, she's be awesome with the Morse Code!

Alan

Scott,

Agree with your second post, too. And yeah, Mike Z. just seems to run on extemporaneously..ya think??!! Come on, Mike, a little more forethought!

Alan

Scott, I forgot to tell ya in my previous reply...I'm going multi-genre real soon. About time! That Country-Jazz-Reggae-Pop Rock-Lounge Music-Acoustic-Latin-World-Oriental genre is starting to get a little old!

Alan

Kevin P.

Two more astute observations!

Alan

Polly,

Glad this is a little bit of fun for ya! Great list! And I've been playing the guitar professionally since 1962...it's about time to get over it, I guess. Steel Drums? Maybe...but the Shakuhachi Flute sounds even better!

Alan

In which century is this gonna happen??!!

Alan

The Beatles...were they anything like The Crickets? Just wonderin! With a dumb name like that, they don't have a chance!

So, is the Convent the final destination for great-looking chicks with saggy boobs?

Alan

Joe,

Our skeletons are human! Well, mostly, anyway! And, do Space Hamsters have skeletons? We didn't study them when I was in High School Science.

Alan

Stan...

Great post! I chuckled at each one! Glad you're enjoying the thread.

Alan

Al, I want to hear some of that Country-Jazz-Reggae-Pop Rock-Lounge Music-Acoustic-Latin-World-Oriental stuff. After Southern Pigfish's politically charged Arkansas bluegrass hip-hop sea chanties, I was wondering what could come next. You may have hit on it.

Joe

Joe,

I'll post one sometime soon...maybe I can include a beast or two...give ya a little extra fluff with it! Thanks for being part of this!

Alan

hahahahahhahahahahahhahahahahahhahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahaha