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I've revised this one some, I may just scratch and retire this one..and take a different approach....thanks for all your help.
You've Got Mail

You point out all my faults
And lay the blame right at my door
Once you were my flower
Now I see too many thorns

Don't need to know all the details
I can forgive, but I can't forget
There's been too many bad memories
Now all I have are regrets

I know we're only human
And we all make mistakes
But, there's no excuse for cheating
That was YOUR choice that YOU made

You're like posion to my body
Running wild through my viens
Do you expect me to stand on my head
Roll over....good doggy...play dead


It's the pain that comes on unexpectedly
You're not ready for, that hurts so bad
Suspicious lies, betrayal, all the cover ups
Like a "Smoking Gun" to my head

I was such a fool, giving you my love
When you didn't give in return
I've Never been the type to hurt
And this leaves me with concern

But hey, what can I say
You bring out the BEAST in me
Since this is what you seem to want
I'm setting you free

So Darling, This Is My Last Gift To You....

You Have Mail

I've emailed all your friends
Your mom, your sister, and your dad
With your lastest email
To your lover, with all the details
So you won't have to worry
And try to explain


Why I'm leaving here today.............

Yeah, Baby-You've got mail

Written by Glynda Duncan/BMI 2009

Hey Glynda,
Just messin. Maybe some rearranging and rewrite and paring---Couple possibilities for the first part-
---------
You point out all my faults

AND LAY THE BLAME RIGHT AT MY DOOR

Once you were my flower

Now I see too many thorns


Don't need to know the details

I can forgive, but can't forget

There's too many bad memories

Now ALL I HAVE ARE REGRETS

KOS
Write on
Wy

Hi Wy,

And thank you kind sir, I will use this..just the things I came up with wasn't as good as the rough draft...I will keep working on it too...thanks again..I do appreciate it very much..glyn

glyn,

I like the hook on this. It can be a great move to use a well known hook (from the movie, in this case). That way you start ahead of others, in terms of having the title known.

But, in stead of worring about rhyming, I would make it first priority to make the singer look good while performing the song. He won't, comin' off blaming a girl. A female singer might come across better blaming a guy, as that could be heard as female empowerment.. but blaming is usually a bad move in a song.

Wy's good suggestions takes off some of the strain on the singer, I think. "LAY THE BLAME RIGHT AT MY DOOR" is a great line IMO

But, I would edit out the blaming lines first, and then look at what you have left, and go from there.

Hi Mags,

Ok, good idea, i'll get to work on this and thanks alot..just been working on this one for a while and was stumped..didn't like anything i've come up with except the rough draft..but I see what you're saying, but being a woman, doesnt' seem fair for the man to always take all the blame especially when the woman is the one that did the only cheating..you know...anyway, thaks so much...see what I can do....glyn

I remember a great song dealing with these themes “Everytime Two Fools Collide” by Dottie West & Kenny Rogers (1978).

That one is a great study in a viable way of dealing with blame in a popular song.. yeah, write an updated version of that

.great suggestion, huh! :-)

Hi, I made some changes in this one. And may just keep this version for my own album..and start over on a new version..but
still want to get this one done with a male singer and music for my own family album..thanks

It's great to see you are learning and improving every time you post a new one, glyn. Hats off!

Thanks, I think...glyn

Bringing the cheating scenario into the electronic age. A sensitive mood prevails in this piece, and the subject no doubt sent out the said emails as a way to relieve stress and try to move on from the ordeal. This would be good done by either gender. Was this a "best of times, worst of times" relationship?

Hi beechnut79, i'm not sure if it was best of times or worst of times since it just came from my head, so I guess I can make it either one..and i'm gonna work on it to make it for a female singer...but I have to work alot for a couple of weeks..thanks for looking at this for me...I appreciate it...glyn

Glyn:

It may not be that much more common for the female to be the spurned on than the male, but it is definitely more commonplace for the former to be spurned by way of infidelity. When an abundance of suspicious activity is taking place, as is obviously the scenario of this piece, then it's only a matter of time before one is found out about. Then it can be a potentially dangerous period if caution is not applied. Sad to say so many people get killed over love triangles, and many songs have been written about this, going back to the folk classic "Frankie and Johnny." In yours at least both partied exit with their lives intact if not their egos.

Hi beechnut79, this is true, and like I say , this all made up in my mind, so we can made the players do anything we want..so in my song, he didn't want to hurt anyone, so he got his little chuckle by emailing and it's all over...and she would have left in time anyway..so I let them end it and no one got hurt..thanks giving me your feedback on this..I do appreciate it alot and hey, look what all i'm learning..and some fool name qbaun or somthing thinks my thread is the funniest thing he has ever seen...he, or she left that message on my thread...thanks for all your help..can't tell you how much I do need and want it.glyn

Glyn:

I am right now trying to put a not so happy period behind me and today finds me feeling more energetic, confident, and assertive despite it being a gloomy, rainy day outside. Hope this can show through in some future writings. Do you sometimes feel that depressing songs do better chartwise than happy ones do? I believe it was that way at one time, but I know that the country genre has revolved around more upbeat songs as of late. A no tears diet?

Yes, I still have alot of those sad ones in me, and when they hit me..well i'll write them, but yes it's more now like uptempo ones that they're going for..and at times it's hard to write those...those aren't always how life is..but thats not what they seem to want...it's like the movies now in songs..like fantasies. did I spell that right..i'm really tied. had alot of emergency stuff last nite and I didn't sit down once till the last 30 minutes of my shift...but i'm trying lately to do some more happier and upbeat songs...just gotta find out where their hiding in me...talk later, gotta get some sleep..i'll be off thurs and friday nites....thanks for all your help..glyn