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IRAN
by Fdemetrio - 04/15/26 12:27 PM
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PETE
by Fdemetrio - 04/14/26 06:57 AM
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Joined: Apr 2009
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Hey Beth:
I haven't read others comments yet...but on first impression it's chick all the way (and I find nothing personally wrong with that).
Finished reading it and found myself reaching for a cigarette...but (as a clarifying point only) I have been listening to Motley Crue's "Girls Girls Girls" all morning.
It's IMHO cute, tight and clever.
Larry
Last edited by in2piano; 06/07/09 03:58 PM.
Can't find the stairway to 'heaven'...but I know where the elevator is.
Each of us has cause to think with deep gratitude of those who have lighted the flame within us" - Albert Schweitzer.
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Hi, Beth. Jes' thoughts:
"Smokey jazz" would be nice (not sure about the $500--I'd let Alex keep it). Myself, if I were doing it (I do *not* have a girl voice), it'd be country music. I think country is overlooked as an expressive medium, and it'd work real well here. Remember the classic definition: Pain You Can Dance To.
The hook not showing up till the very end is fine--because everything else leads up to it. People are going to remember it, even though it was only mentioned once, and at the very end, *because* everything else led up to it. They'll feel like they heard it over and over again, even though they didn't. It's a good trick, and you done good with it.
The sort-of stilted language just reinforces (my opinion, again) the uncomfortableness of the situation. I think it works good.
People going swimming on beaches in Maine reminds me of the "Polar Bear Clubs" that insist on going swimming in the icy waters of the Pacific on New Year's Day. Last time I visited Maine (friends in Lubec) was in June, and I regretted, all the time I was there, that I hadn't brought winter clothing... At least here on the Pacific Coast, it sometimes gets up into the 60s in summer.
Joe
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Beth - as always, great job! This really flows, and I love the rhyme scheme, especially in the chorus. You never disappoint. Love the read. I'd love to hear it too. Thumbs up, for what it's worth. Thanks. Hey Rick, I'm actually writing this FROM "Maine" -- so I appreciate your comments all the more!! I especially like the "as always" part -- that means a lot to me.  As for wanting to hear it, looks like we might get our wish. No OFFICIAL word yet, but I have been contacted behind the scenes by an interested party.  I'd love to share, but as you may or may not know about me....I'M A TEASE!!!  So in the meantime, just remember that patience is a virtue!! Thanks again, Beth
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Finished reading it and found myself reaching for a cigarette...
Larry
Hey Larry, I'm going to take that as a compliment!! I wonder if that's ever happened on any of my other songs???  Anyway, thanks for your time and feedback. "Cute, tight and clever" works for me!! Hope you have a groovy day, Beth
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I thought patience were something doctors had as a source of income.
Joe
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Hi Beth, Since you gave Rama Lama such an inspiring review. . .  “A Change In The Weather” -- Rev. 8/3 © Lyrics 2009 Beth Williams, BMI Watching the rain pour THROUGH pain bought and paid for I pray for the eye of the storm A moment of peace A hopeful belief The landscape will somehow transform (sounds like the landscape is transforming the belief??) or do you really mean something like: A hopeful belief -- A welcomed relief, a life transformed -- My landscape of life transformed But the wind is too strong PULLING me along This slippery slope is so steep Don’t have what it takes To put on the brakes I'LL call you when he falls asleep Can’t kiss you I CAN ONLY miss you My sleeve is a tissue You’re right not to pick up the phone No more “one last time” NO MORE PAYING for our crime Gotta wipe the slate clean here at home I sigh, back to bed Eyes dry, BUT A LITTLE red I slide in til HE and I spoon Not fully awake HE reaches to take What I gave you that first afternoon Temperatures rise, in spite of it all Perhaps I can pick myself up from this fall (THIS LINE COULD BE STRONGER-- MORE IMPORTANCE) Can’t kiss you Still miss you But guess that’s JUST my issue I feel a LITTLE better BUT A LITTLE ALONE When I realize the cost Of what could’ve been lost WITH BABY STEPS I'LL RESTORE MY HOME Cheers, Terry
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I thought patience were something doctors had as a source of income.
Joe Nah, Joe. Patience is either a rockin' song from Guns 'N Roses or a virtue! In any event, I'm sorry I've taken so long getting back to you. I really do appreciate all the thought you've put into this post, and I didn't want you to think I had forgotten about you down here! Anyway, it does appear Ms. Bellos is interested in musicating it  , so we've been playing around with the lyrics...I don't know at this juncture which way she's going genre-wise, but I think "smokey jazz" would be a good guess. However, I do love your definition of country music: Pain You Can Dance To. Believe it or not, I've never heard that (and you'd think I would be privy to most pain-related tidbits...  !) I am happy you concurred with the inclusion of the hook at the end and the somewhat stilted language. Sometimes I get too close to it, and my explanations make no sense to the outside world. I'm glad these worked for you. As for Maine beaches, probably two days a summer, you get some warm-ish water (high 60's?). The rest of the time, we refer to it as "refreshing". Of course, for those looking to the ocean for a different kind of relief   , you can in fact generate your own little circle of warm water...but generally, you want to swim along at that point. And did you know that on the whole coast of Maine, there are only 20 miles of sandy beach? The rest of it is rocky coast. We are lucky enough to be situated on one third of that -- a nice 7 mile stretch. Anyhoo, kids at my elbow wanting a little computer time, so gonna scoot for a while. Thanks again for your PATIENCE and for your feedback on this Joe. I hope you enjoy the musicated version as much as I'm looking forward to hearing it!! Ciao for now, Beth
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Hi Beth! All in all, I'd say you have a winner here. The only thing that stuck out like a boulder in the middle of the Sahara desert was the word 'spoon' like Stan had indicated in an earlier post. I'd definitely give that word its last rites although it may be okay to use if your perpetrators are indulging in acts ice creamish. I'll look over your lyrics more tomorrow morning when my mind isn't quite so mushy and it feels like its been wrestling all day with an octopus in my desk's smallest drawer. I was up at the ungodly hour of 4 AM today. Guess that wouldn't be so bad were it not for the fact that I finally got to asleep around 3:30. It was all a sleep lie. lol Take care & God Bless!
-Dave
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Beth,
I love this lyric. I haven't read all the posts yet, but intend to. It could go alot of different ways, I can hear it as R&B, but I can hear it as soulful country too.
Beth, I love the title. I love the concept. I just wonder though, what do you think about trying to incorporate more "a change in the weather" lyrics in? Seems like that would be the hook to me?
I am so sorry it took me so long to get over here, but I sure am glad I did.
Letha
Last edited by Letha Allen; 06/10/09 10:23 PM.
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Darn
I guess I wasn't done Beth, lol. I hope you don't mind this, but I started looking at the lyrics deeply and got some ideas. Now, you know we all just throw out ideas, and they are nothing to worry about unless you like them lol.
I got a feel for this like the old Dixie Chicks song, A Hot Day In July.
“A Change In The Weather” -- Rev. 8/3
© Lyrics 2009 Beth Williams, BMI
Watching the rain pour
With pain bought and paid for
I pray for the eye of the storm ( I pray for the breakin of morn)
A moment of peace
A hopeful belief
The landscape will somehow transform (that somehow I'll weather this storm)
But the wind is too strong (so strong)
It pulls me along
This slippery slope is so steep
Don’t have what it takes
To put on the brakes
I call you when HE falls asleep (I try to call you...)
Can’t kiss you
Just miss you
My sleeve is a tissue (crossed the line, my issue?)
You’re right not to pick up the phone (Dont pick up the phone)
No more “one last time”
Final price for our crime
Gotta wipe the slate clean here at home (Somehow I'll weather the storm)
I sigh, back to bed
Eyes dry, a bit red
I slide in til HE and I spoon
(I slide in, to his loving arms)
Not fully awake
HE reaches to take
What I gave you that first afternoon (last afternoon?)
(What I gave you in the heat of a storm?)
Temperatures rise, in spite of it all
Perhaps I can pick myself up from this fall ( The eye of the storm breaks my fall)
Can’t kiss you
Still miss you
But guess that’s my issue (crossed the line, my issue)
Take baby steps, feel a bit better
When I realize the cost
Of what could’ve been lost
At last there’s a change in the weather
Beth, you know I get carried away sometimes, so I hope you don't mind my rambling thoughts and ideas. When I like something, I talk too much lol.
Letha
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Hey there Terry, Thanks so much for stopping by with your Reciprocal Inspiring Review! Your timing happened to be quite good, as we'd pretty much signed off on our lyrics when you posted. But we enjoyed all of your suggestions, and actually have incorporated several of them (primarily the ones you mention in regards to the first verse...and we also beefed up that second line in the bridge.)! Seriously, I do appreciate your thoughtful take on this one -- although I didn't exactly expect a "Payback post" (  ) !! But hey, don't hold back on my account! The more the merrier as far as I'm concerned. We're all bringing different experiences/insight/(baggage even!) to the table, and those are valuable and important differences to consider. We're hoping to get this musicated real soon...Ricki has already sent me a little something to wet my whistle (or is it WHET my whistle? ), and it sounds GOOD! So, thanks for your input!! Beth
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Hi there Dave, I am SOOOO hearing you on the sleeping problems. Feels like perpetual jet lag while being on No-Doz but your eyes flutter for a few minutes, and then you're awake again. What do you do during those hours of wakefulness? Read/write/count sheep? I generally do crossword puzzles...but maybe I should be doing something else...like a Fifth of Bourbon!! (YUK! I'd just throw it all up, then be tired and messy  ).. Now what do you want again? Oh yes, to give me some feedback on the song. Thank you for taking the time to go through it so carefully -- and for having the cajones to tell me outright to get rid of the word SPOON!  I'll have you know, I already DID an ice cream song (weird, huh?), so that's not the answer. But anyway, while I appreciate your modern sensibilities....it's a keeper. As I've mentioned on previous posts, MANY of my gal pals/relatives, etc still use that term...and they're not all old geezers like me!! There are just too many things I like about the word to give it up! So thank you anyway. As an aside, and perhaps to temper my rejection of your idea , I gotta tell ya, I LOVE reading your posts. I've only seen a couple, but you use some neat imagery in every day conversation, and that's cool. Totally dug the octupus-wrestling-in-the-drawer deal. In fact, there could be a song in it....."I'd like to snore....in your top drawer....in an Octopuses Wrestling Match today." There you go...a little freebie for your time...(LOL) We should have this up and musicated in the next day or two, so please stay spooned...I mean TUNED  !! Cheers, Beth
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Howdy Letha, As if I'm ever going to tell you to stop looking at my lyrics and coming up with more good ideas!! So thank you for going that extra mile here and really digging deep. Alas, I don't know the Dixie Chick song you mention, but I'm certainly grateful for the comparison! As for your suggestions, there are definitely a couple that pique my interest. Most specifically, changing the line in the third verse from FIRST afternoon to LAST afternoon: Not fully awake He reaches to take What I gave you that first afternoon (last afternoon?) There had been some discussion of that earlier. I had felt "first" was a good choice, as it set up a contrast between what her husband is taking so casually, while it seemingly meant so much more with her lover. On the other hand, using LAST might be another metaphoric nail in the coffin of the relationship. I'm going to have to think on that one. Some of the other ideas you bring up have been incorporated in some fashion already (I haven't posted the most up-to-the-minute version.....figured I'd post it with the musicated version)...and others still I have to mull over. I think the "TRY" to call when he is asleep is another sug worthy of serious consideration. As you know Letha, I respect your opinion tremendously. And I'm so glad you feel comfortable letting yourself "get carried away" on my lyrics. I consider that a real compliment. Thanks so much for thoughtful feedback....and I hope you'll be able to hear the final version very soon. Night!! Beth
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Beth,
I took a look at this because the title attracted me, then the lyrics kept me going. I thought it was very good. Hope you find a melody.
Patti
Patti Smith-Lyric writer Wanted CO-WRITERS
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Hi Beth,
I'm very late for the party, here's my take:
- the song's overall very good; a lot of great lines; words very wisely chosen both for their meanings and their sounds = lyrics that shouldn't be a problem to be set to compelling music.
- now, here are the lines I'd try to beat (not that I'd be right doing so):
"With pain bought and paid for": lots of "p"s in your text, all very good except the one for "paid", I don't know why, that could be just me
"I call you when HE falls asleep":
that makes the gal too unfriendly imo, waiting for - and maybe helping with pills, lol - her man to innocently go asleep and then grabbing the phone. Maybe something less active, like "think of you", something along that line would soften the situation a bit. Here again, that could be just me.
Apart from these little nits, I think you've written great lyrics with that one. Take care,
Yann
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HiDee Mz O!
All's well except that "spoon" line, JMO. Try "I slide in, my side of the room" & see if that works better. (I'm hopin' MOST couples HAVE that "Room-Sidedness" like wifey-&-I have, so it's "Universal-Enough" for ya to use.)
Good Luck Again, with this Good'n'!
Big Happy Hugs for Your Thursday, M'LadyChum!
Ol' Still-Spoonin' Stan
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Hi Patti,
Thanks so much for the look-see and the kind words. This one has actually seen a lot of back and forth on the lyrics, but hopefully it will all be worth it in the end. Luckily, I'm in good shape as far as a melody goes -- Ricki Bellos is going to be musicating it, so I'm quite delighted about that.
As an aside, I just now saw your post on the JPF Lyric Award thread, when responding to Brian's latest posts -- no worries!!
Have a good day,
Beth
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Hi there Dave, I am SOOOO hearing you on the sleeping problems. Feels like perpetual jet lag while being on No-Doz but your eyes flutter for a few minutes, and then you're awake again. What do you do during those hours of wakefulness? Read/write/count sheep? I generally do crossword puzzles...but maybe I should be doing something else...like a Fifth of Bourbon!! (YUK! I'd just throw it all up, then be tired and messy ).. Hi Beth! Oh yeah, the perpetual jet lag while on No-Doz says it all for sure. I usually just keep myself busy doing one thing or another just to keep my mind off counting the grains of sand going through the hourglass in slo-mo. I haven't tried crossword puzzles but will now since you mentioned it. TY! I with you on the bourbon. There's no way it would stay in my stomach either! Now what do you want again? Oh yes, to give me some feedback on the song. Thank you for taking the time to go through it so carefully -- and for having the cajones to tell me outright to get rid of the word SPOON! I'll have you know, I already DID an ice cream song (weird, huh?), so that's not the answer. But anyway, while I appreciate your modern sensibilities....it's a keeper. As I've mentioned on previous posts, MANY of my gal pals/relatives, etc still use that term...and they're not all old geezers like me!! There are just too many things I like about the word to give it up! So thank you anyway. Didn't get the free time I thought I would this morning, the grand-kids came up with a mission for me like they so often do. I had to run off to town and then what should have only taken a short time wound up taking the entire morning.  As far as the 'spoon' issue goes it looks like you've given me the 'long walk, short pier' option. lol. Ah, if you like what the hey? As an aside, and perhaps to temper my rejection of your idea , I gotta tell ya, I LOVE reading your posts. I've only seen a couple, but you use some neat imagery in every day conversation, and that's cool. Totally dug the octupus-wrestling-in-the-drawer deal. In fact, there could be a song in it....."I'd like to snore....in your top drawer....in an Octopuses Wrestling Match today." There you go...a little freebie for your time...(LOL) Thanks for the freebie 'tempering' and for the compliments. I like reading your posts too and for exactly the same reason. You come up with some good stuff, Beth! Cool spin on the Beatle's song "Octopuses Garden' BTW! And getting back to the 'spoon' thingie, it might interest you to know that my great-grandad from Kentucky married a 'Spoonamore'...and then there was a 'Witherspoon' later on. "We interrupt this message for a brief word from our spoonser..." We should have this up and musicated in the next day or two, so please stay spooned...I mean TUNED !! I'll do just that! Have a good night not sleeping! JK! Big hugs! -Dave Cheers, Beth My reply is up there ^ and is supposed to be in maroon text. Guess I messed that one up pretty good, eh? Maybe I shouldn't have watched that episode of "voyage to the bottom of the spoon" last night. Cya!
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