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Stan,

I actually might have a contact for you to Carlos. Let me contact her directly and I'll PM you with the info.

Time for me to throw down again, I need that SubStudio viewpoint. I've gotten better at production than when you first started helping me out, but I want to make this one as good as I can. What would you do? Personally I'd like to minimize the obvious Beatles aspect...it'll be there anyway...and focus more on the modern rock style ala Coldplay, Radiohead, Oasis kind of thing. But how to get there productionwise? And of course, anything else you'd want to mention. Then I would be probably targeting some sort of TV/Film thingy. Thanks in advance, Sub!

http://soundclick.com/share?songid=7371436

Different Mix:
http://soundclick.com/share?songid=7407619

Change

Change
We turn away and dream about the past
This planet spins around the sun too fast
Everything we promise to live for is subject to change

When the change comes
Will we change too?
Will we laugh at all the changes?
Are we overdue
For the change?

Change
It's the only thing that ever stays the same
You can change your face and even change your name
Everything we swore we would die for is subject to change

When the change comes
Will you change too?
Will you still see past the changes
To my love for you?
I can change
I can change

(Copyright 2009 by Mark Kaufman)

Hi Letha

Sorry for the delayed response

Well the good thing here is that you said it first & knew it "this is the second craziest song from me" lol

Actually it starts out VERY cool.. It has a cool Rolling Stones way about it. The funny thing is has that great loose feeling which is SO important but then it never tightens up anywhere. The track is kinda all over the place and everything starts stepping on each other.

I agree with you "not commercial" but that doesn't mean it can't be very cool and good! The title and subject is one that not many will relate to but if the song comes off cool and good musically that will matter less & less.

How can you rebuild this? You need that opening guitar riff, the "Stones" like one and run with that. See if you can steal the essentials okay borrow the meat out of this tune and make a new one.

It also felt like it was "trying a bit too hard" as well. Too forced to get it to work.
If you can just strip it down and get one section to flow naturally and effectively I think it would be worth continuing.

But if it's for a "pitch only" situation I wouldn't invest much more into it.

Weird and crazy things wind up in interesting places.
If you get the chance rent an episode or two from the first season of the SHO time show
"Weeds" you will not believe the songs that are on that show. Some strange off the wall ones boy!

This could be one, rebuilt & given the chance.

This is crazy but I like crazy, but without a groove or a melody that lures you in you'd have to set up up a great "vibe" or sound.... No distractions except the weirdness itself

Hi Steve

Well the whole concept & your plan was a solid one for sure. It totally fits and you did a GREAT job on 1- being universal 2- Executed this arrangement and lay out.

This was very very good! GREAT CHORUS!! period! loved the group vocals and the way they sit "loosely tight" The engineer/producer me couldn't help but want to reach for those faders to adjust the levels Some vocals sitting behind others etc...
And just a slightly better mix overall.

There is not much to add to this as it hits the spot it attempted to. Good feeling very positive and everyone did a real nice job everywhere.

My only suggestions would have been in some phrasing. Especially the big ending
(which I loved) With a few people singing it's easy to trip over some words
This line - And we must talk about the change I liked when it worked off the
"Lets"

I would have pulled the "And"

The idea is GREAT and most of the execution as well. But fooling around with it a touch more would maybe make it even sweeter. Ya know change it up a bit then repeat that change up over & over & over.
Something like:

GROUP VOX-Ride out
Let's talk about the change
Let's sing about the change
Let's shout about the change
We must bring about the change

But that is minor... the vibe is there and the song is EFFECTIVE! & uplifting that's what counts the most.

Great work!

Thanks again Mike...all really good suggestions and observations. I will likely dive back into the Pro Tools session (yikes) and make a few changes...someday.

That is unless...some mega star wants to redo the song, based on our demo!

BTW, I had another forum member here email me, asking where they could find the song for download. That's always a great way to start the day!

Hi Tom

Nice to see ya And thank you sooo much.

It's so funny cause Musicians have taken such a HUGE step away from mainstream music the public forgets. Of course kids like there bands but....

Music = Musicians

To me it's the first deal of business to address. I love & respect all the jobs and creativity,talents,drive of all the positions involved in making a song. And since I DO every single one of them personally I really appreciate it.

Thanks for the compliment Tom with the way I'm feeling lately I REALLY needed it!
Thank You!

YOur welocme Steve

Don't change too much you have a good thing there!

Hi Stan

Is there a link anywhere to hear this?

Hi Mike,

I have revised the song you reviewed for me earlier in this thread.

[color:#3333FF][size:14pt]Last Night Was The Last Night[/size][/color]

Thanks again for your help!

Last Night Was The Last Night
Copyright © 2009 Colin Ward

V1
Waiting at a red light this morning,
Tuned in to the Nashville morning show, I
didn’t notice when the light turned green,
You were on my mind when it was time to go,

They’re talking ‘bout a tornado warning,
But your words drowned out the radio,

Chorus
‘Cause,
Last night was the last night I’ll see you,
That’s what I heard …...walking out your door,
Last night was the last night, ‘cause you told me,
That I can’t see you any more

V2
It’ll seem like forever getting over you,
A year or two, maybe more
I’ll be working all the time, while I get you off my mind,
Your goodbye shook me to the core,

I know you couldn’t let me down easy,
You steered me out and softly closed the door,

Chorus 2
Last night was our last night together,
That’s what I heard …... walking out your door,
Last night was the last night, ‘cause you told me,
That I can’t hold you any more


Bridge
I’ll be hiding all my tears,
I’m living my worst fear,
You can't take the time I spend out on the road,
Driving for my pay,
Keeps me far away,
I guess I've watched your love for me erode.

Instrumental
Chorus 1 x 2

Hi Mike,

Sorry it took me so long to get back here too, but I want to thank you so much for listening and your thoughts on it. It may not seem like it, but I guess I can be a wild and crazy girl sometimes lol. Don't know where I come up with some of the lyrics in my head.

I appreciate your comments. It is weird and something that I think I just did for a lot of fun. A hardware store subject just doesnt fit into a rolling stones type rock song, but you know I could see some rockin country girl do this if I close my eyes and pretend enough. I probably won't ever pitch it or work on it much more, of course that is unless some strange person finds it someday and wants me to, then maybe I will hire you? lol

Thanks so much again,

Letha

HI Mike (& Steve)!

The Song's "Sampled" at <www.CDBaby.com/TampaStan> on the "At Least It's Somethin' Different" CD.

Since I got No Knowledge of "How to make MP3's" that's the only Link I got.

CAN sendyas the CD, however I'd need a SnailAddy...

My email's <tampastan@hotmail.com> (Rather'n what my JPF Data says, since I dunno How To Change That..too.)

Thankee Gents,
& A Big Guy-Hug to yas,
Stan

Hi Mike

this is a very cool thing your doing.

Goals:

1. To get better at home recording.

2. To record stuff in the house that will be of good enough quality to put a CD up on CD baby.

3. To continue to evolve as a songwriter and performer, exploring new genre's through collabs, but to keep a continuity in my own solo stuff.

4. To just enjoy the heck out of it all.

This track is just guitar and vocal as I thought we could start with the basics recording wise.

My setup is a EMU 0404usb into cuebase, the only 3rd part plug in I have that's used on this is 'Vintage Warmer'

Mic SE2200 condensor. Both on the guitar and vocal.

Any advice on anything to do with the song gratefully received.


SUDDENLY SUNDAY

http://www.soundclick.com/bands/page_songInfo.cfm?bandID=740403&songID=5691623


Girls and boys still dressed for a Saturday night
Others are wearing their comfortable clothes
As you read the newspaper over somebody’s shoulder while the lights are at red.

Tangerine queens head for the salons
To top up their tan and sharpen their talons
For Monday at work, where they’re going to be armed with a headset at mike.


Bridge

Graffiti stained shutters on the shops in the town
Say it’s not yet noon and I’m still coming down
I got my breakfast in a blue plastic bag
The weekends been long and I just want to get back.

Oh Oh it’s suddenly Sunday x2

CHORUS

And there’s old folks with sticks
And there’s youngsters with bricks
And tourists who want to write, something that might, on a postcard
Make the folks think that they had a good time

It’s suddenly Sunday
Gonna check out the sites
See who made it through Saturday night
On a slow bus through this no mean town it’s suddenly Sunday


Vrs 2

16 year old kids who think they need wives
That’ll measure their manhood by the size of their knives
In one year from now they’ll have a soul mate or cellmate

Who had casual violence the night before?
Who’ll wake tomorrow with the police at the door?
Who’ll have a red face when they walk into the office space?

Repeat bridge and chorus

(C) Andy Dinnell


Andy

Hi Byron

Good too see ya around here!

Well first of all you play great.. so no lyric, no genre, no publisher, no label, no recording gear, or ANYTHING else can take that away from you!
Sound and some other things take a back seat to playing!

I enjoyed the song very much, it is a Novelty type song which I usually enjoy.
The execution was great musically, I though a few spots vocally could may have been a little hokey BUT with this style of song it is totally 100% appropriate. So no problem there.

Perhaps taking out a word here or there will help it fit & flow better in some spots,
But you did you an excellent job rhythmically on the vocal... making it all flt.

As for your "OLD" dilemma I sympathize with you! I'm trying to sing those phrases right now and alter them and NOTHING is sounding right! lol...

if i could play like old Chet Atkins
You what is is that space between play - like old chet atkins. It's tiny but there's a great subtle emphasis there that just works!

Maybe leave that one and address the others! I'd hate to mess with the fisrt good hook of the song!

No matter what you change it to it's gonna take getting used to.

"if I could sing like old Marty Robbins"

If I could sing songs like Marty Robbins
This might work if "sing songs" can come out sounding right

And also:
If I could pick like Mr Brent Mason

Some of your answer to the recording is right in the song after it "LAy Down Woman" That song has a more present sound.. What did you do differently on that one?

"That God made me what I am today" is GREAT line! and a great answer.
Love the last line in the chorus as well. That's the most important to keep "old" in

I know this might seem funny
but I don't care about the money
cause this old guitar is all I'll ever need

The lyrics are funny clever & cute! And they fit the song!

Great work! and it ALL starts with the playing, see this is what i mean about writing & playing into your strengths!

Thank you Mike for your input...you are right about Low Down Woman Bluz it did have lots more presence... I have been experimenting with alot of different EQ's in the post production parts of indivdual tracks and sometimes I worry about over processing...Low Down Woman Bluz was one of those songs that I thought I over processed so In this old Guitar I went for a more Flat response except on the vocal and lead tele parts. The hardest thing to do when doing all the tracks is trying to remain unbiased and not over listening to any one part,,,that is why having another set of "ears" listening and picking it apart is so helpful...Thank you again so much for your candid thoughts they are so very helpful

Hi Guys

Have not forgotten you. I'll be back!

Hi Mike

I just thought I'd say a big HI! Sorry to hear about your health, sending you lots of Aussie hugs hah.

Good news, Paul my producer said to tell you, that you've done a perfect job on the production on "Broken Trust", keep on smiling hah, cause you are amazing. I listen to it everyday, and it still brings tears to my eyes, so a big thanks again.

Once our good friend Kaley gets better, I'm pretty sure she will post it up on the Mp3 forum. I'm missing her, so hopefully she will get better soon.

Aussie hugs
Michele

Hi Michele & thanks!

Thank Paul for me as well

I still have a few songs to visit here on this thread, I didn't forget you's I NEVER forget you's

One more time

Like I said, my goals are to make a million bucks and buy some N.Y. pizza.. probably take that much to pay the tax...

http://www.soundclick.com/bands/page_songInfo.cfm?bandID=100639&songID=6430626

On The Other Side




When I was a kid the little girl
that lived next door
said I'm not allowed to see her anymore.
said her daddy didn't like me
so we'd sneak away
we'd hide on the other side, of the hill and then we'd play
when she waved from her window we'd run, to meet on the other side


She was the 1st girl I ever kissed
right on the lips
felt like lightning running to my fingertips
we spent all our time together
on the other side
then her family moved away , didn't get to say goodbye
but who knows maybe one day
we'll meet on the other side

(chorus)
In that sweet summer sunshine
just across the georgia line
from my window I could see her house
right next to mine
and who knows maybe today
we'll meet on the other side


funny how some memories
never fade away
that summer seems like yesterday
guess that's why I keep traveling
back to this place
underneath these georgia pines, I can almost see her face
and who knows maybe today
we'll meet on the other side

(chorus)
In that sweet summer sunshine
just across the georgia line
from my window I could see her house
right next to mine
and who knows maybe today
we'll meet on the other side





repeat chorus

Hi Mark

This is a VERY cool song. And that to me is the best thing a song can be.
Yes the Beatle influence will get it's way in there, so I agree & understand with what you'd like to do. Also I wouldn't mind keeping ALL the the Beatle vibe in and calling it done personally. Very tempting

How? Yikes I don't know lol.... Of course I know! Why? cause I had do it myself many times or decide not too.
Your answer has mainly been answered by YOU already. Go to the sections of the song starting at around :27 seconds and 1:43 the verses...
Change
We turn away and dream about the past

Those are the sections you have to work from first from inside out now. from :27 - 1:18 you're perfect.

Between 1:18 - 1:43 like the intro more or less is the Beatle sections... Too much for too long. Even if you cut that in half it will still have that effect but at least will seem like a shorter round. Once around on "I can change" and back to that verse.

That's one way to approach it, along with or another thing is to remove that low string line in that section COOL as it is that's the biggest pull into the Beatle vibe.
Not only for the sound but the line and the way it's played.

Maybe a whole new musical section in between and save that cool string part for the ending like you have it. This way it would be more a surprise and a cool tribute kinds thing by the songs end.

The production is really coming together for you I know how difficult it is. I l always thank God for my old friend Mike F as when we worked no matter who started a song we'd always run it past each other and help each other. That collaboration always made things better and pushed and pulled us in different directions.

Now you have two Beatle nuts but at least one of us if not both would let some other influences come crashing into a song at any time.

Your stuff and your abilities are way HARDER to critique and address cause your so good already. It's always easier the further away someone is.

So the best way is to show you an example and you'll pick up on it and run with it naturally. Just give ya little ideas like if we were jamming.

HERE: is our old song "Under The Weather"

It has massive Beatle influence in it. From the string parts to the very cool Detuned Telecaster guitar bass line, very Paul like. We left the string in so much that it becomes it's own thing as well.
BUT..... we were jamming and one of us threw this little down home Country lick in there. We giggled LOL.. and said whoah lets "do that"

Also that straight bass drum feel gave it something else to think about.

Then I was like "Hey I gotta an idea lets change the feel to THIS kinda thing at the end.. More like a Grunge vibe! I would say as an example..
Also the subtle rythym changes throughout mainly the acoustic!!
Through on headphones and listen maybe it will take you in a direction.....

Falcaro - Under The Weather"
www.substudiomusic.com/UnderTheWeather.mp3

Wish I had the exact answer! Love this tune MArk even if you don't touch it.

Hi Guys

Been leveled over here by "The Problem" so I haven't been posting much. Just can't sit up straight for long enough. You can imagine what a bummer this makes so many things lol...

Just wanted to make a few quick points...

Colin,

This is sounding like it's flowing better overall. Not sure of what you tweaked exactly but i still LOVE that guitar hook. It's the right stuff man!

This down home feeling song could use a tiny bit of add lib..I think. Not only will it feel right, but it will put that slight bit more clarity in it.

A nice little "cause" in that last line would sit well with me.

I didn’t notice when the light turned green,
Cause you were on my mind when it was time to go,

Of course you'll have sing it so it fits, so it's like cuz lol

Also with no other reference to Nashville why even bother to put the listener there?

It does add some image but then the rest of the song doesn't have that kind of imagery.
Ever notice in Country hit songs how they always OVER do it. Information overload. Like reading a book, but crafted in a short, song way.

My own rule is "if your gonna use a specific word or out there lol word (in my case) have a reason. or better yet - make it pay off.

Now all that's too much work for me lol so I would take out Nasvhille and say something more universal perhaps. Or I feel I have to support why I said "Nashville"

For example If i was saying a New York City morning show..
I would try to through in something like..

I didn't even HEAR THEM HONKING
When the light turned and it was time to go


So now that makes New York count and pay off,,, cause they will blast your head off with horns in a split second.

Okay again

They’re talking ‘bout a tornado warning,
But your words drowned out the radio,

here's a cool word, "Tornado"

Now take advantage of it, with a play on words quick idea example

They’re talking ‘bout a tornado warning,
But no one one warned me with the one YOU hit me with last night...

Hokey!!!! You betcha but your working in a style/genre on this song that Hokey sticks to like Bee's to honey.

You have to word it better but you need to keep "Impact" on what you say.
Your words "drowing it out" is very nice, and I like the sentiment but it doesn't "cut"
through enough.

Last night was the last night I’ll see you,
That’s what I heard …...walking out your door,
Last night was the last night, ‘cause you told me,
That I can’t see you any more

Him walking out loses impact, her walking out is stronger, basic but stronger.

Also the chorus is very nice but your losing real-estate

Last night was the last night I’ll see you,
Something in here that is unique and or a bit edgier. here's where the emotion picture needs to be applied
That I can’t see you any more


And lastly the bridge - It just steps away from the song a bit too much. All of a sudden he's a lonesome truck driver kinda guy
And "erode" not a cool sounding word, although they can get with saying these kinds of words It's still a tough bet, it's too all by itself in the song.

Colin - I'm only giving you this view because of the style song/genre. This is what you'd get if you went for a paid critique. It's much easier to see all this when thinking in terms of - Song style - market, pitching etc....

It's another reason I don't write Country, you gotta pound every line over there heads It's not like well this ones personal too me, then this is for everybody then this is for Nashville etc... I'm not saying writers don't apply a lot of personal feelings etc.. but you can tell when stuff is being made up to try be the most "clever"
And that's what you get with lots of radio hits.
Unless of course you have a super established act or artist then they sing stuff that a new writer could NEVER break in with!

I like what your doing and I'm sorry for breaking chops. If i could talk (and with my hands) it would all sound so much better

Nice sound and gear you have. Andy your musical, that is very clear.

This is more like a folk poetic type of song, with some angst. I can appreciate that for sure. Personal taste wise I like so many different things it's too much too mention. But "feeling good to me" and musically luring me in is what attracts me to most songs.

This style is harder for me cause i can't "feel it" as much as others. Even though your showing plenty of emotion, I always fall for a certain flow or soulfulness or trance like things. Things kinda lock up and lock in for me. It could be in the rythym which you play a nice one here..

That is actually what I enjoyed most about this song.
The meaning wasn't touching me but that is totally fine with me especially on one listen.
But the "flow" wasn't happening for me, too many lines that just didn't want to sing. Again this style as that often I know.. But that''s just me.

I love the sound of words, And the lines here like "comfortable clothes and others came across in way forcing me to accept them. Again this is not a right & wrong thing, It's style and what mood your in at the moment.

A few weeks ago i put some Dylan on, Great as he is after a while I shut it off. The harmonica frequency was driving me batty, and so was his voice frequency. And lots of it was attacking me. What i realized was I wasn't in that mode.
I put on some Bee Gees and there astonishing harmonies,tones and melodies was exactly what I needed at the moment. The next day I was blasting GodSmack

This song does not have that frequency problem lol. but the mode has to right.

I did listen to "Long Ago" and enjoyed it very much. It was VERY musical too me. Great guitar as well. Great flow like "Ian Anderson" loved it!

What I really love about a song is this - It MAKES me be in the mood and mode for it no matter what, most of the times.

Hi Mike,

Thanks for taking a second look at Last Night Was The Last Night. I have printed off your comments and will give them serious study!

Your input here and on the board is greatly appreciated. Sorry to hear about your continuing health issues. We all are waiting for the day when you come up and say that a new doc has been able to seriously help you.

All the best,

Colin

Post deleted by tbryson

Hi Mike

Kristi and I would appreciate your feedback on our song "The Heart of a Storm" as to improving it Melodically, etc. This song will be one of the songs in which will go on my first Album, so we need all the advice we can get, before I do that in a couple of months time, with a Record Label, here in Australia.

Don't be too hard on my vocal hah, I'm on my learners with singing. Nah, bring it on, I can take good criticism, other wise I would never learn, hey.


http://soundclick.com/share?songid=7557523


The Heart of a Storm
©2008/2009 Michele Bolton/Paul Nunns/Kristi McKeever

His eyes locked with hers when she asked for his order
Her blood reached her cheeks when he leaned in toward her
A smile as big as the eyes on her face
Was all that was needed to make his heart race

All of a sudden he’s sitting up in his seat
Thinking of ways to keep her talking sweet
It shouldn’t be hard to get what he’s after
Cuz she doesn’t know she flirts with disaster

(ch)
He’s got the heart of a storm
Wicked love for a thrill
Holds fire in his hands
Leaves the girls with the chills
Comes in out of the blue
With charisma and style
Stays barely a moment
Leaving damage for miles
He’s got the heart of a storm


He tells her he’s just a regular guy
Who works real hard and takes life in stride
With every request he gets a bit closer
She starts to melt as he wins her over

(ch)
He’s got the heart of a storm
Wicked love for a thrill
Holds fire in his hands
Leaves the girls with the chills
Comes in out of the blue
With charisma and style
Stays barely a moment
Leaving damage for miles
He’s got the heart of a storm

(br)
He’s bold and out of control
Leaves you out in the cold
She’ll be the one to set him straight
Take control before it’s too late

(ch)
He’s got the heart of a storm
Wicked love for a thrill
Holds fire in his hands
Leaves the girls with the chills
Comes in out of the blue
With charisma and style
Stays barely a moment
Leaving damage for miles
He’s got the heart of a storm



Thanks & big hugs

Michele & Kristi

I have lots of patience, and I've got lots of determination hah.

I hope it all went well with the Chiropractor,"thank goodness for spell check", big hugs.

Bum pity, bump, bump, bump.

Aussie friend
Michele

Whoa! I think I'm nearly 2 months late noticing you got to this! Didn't see it until today. Sub, thank you very much...this one is on my Re-Do list, and your advice will come in VERY handy. Thanks, pal! -Mark