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A happy gazelle, in Africa dwelled
And played to his young heart's desire
Til some men came along, wielding sticks with sharp prongs
The gazelle has a date with a fire

WHOA! I am NOT a vegan!!!! Amazing what can pop out in under 2 minutes.....

Ah, lim'ricks is fav'rites of mine;
I can write 'em fast most of the time;
They've got syllables enough
So you can really say stuff
And unlike haikus they can rhyme.

Joe

Ok I can't resist

There once was a gal from Massachusetts
All broken and covered with bruises
She lost the will to write songs
So she kept shuffling long
With the thoughts in her head more poetic


Boo who?

Very sweet, Derek...I think that's the first limerick ever written for and/or about me! Let's see what I can come up with:

There once was a fella named Hines
Who wrote songs with excellent lines
Though I think he's real swell
Wish he'd learn how to spell
And not leave his grammar behind!

xoxo

I left my grammar behind once. But I think she enjoyed herself.

Joe

Good one, Joe....My "Nonni" is 101 1/2 years old...and just about half that tall in inches....and as she has shrunk, her chest has been squished out simultaneously, and now she's almost square....

But she's still pretty HIP in our books. Though she may repeat herself a time or two, and her short term memory is not what it used to be (whose is?), she is still pretty with it for an old broad. She's hankering for the next season of American Idol to get going, and she's watching the Sox tonight with much anticipation. Regardless of how things turn out with the Rockies (3-0 in our favor so far!!!), she's one of the few people I know who have seen the Red Sox win BOTH their World Series!!!

Ciao for now,
Beth

Mi spalling iz reily quiet grate
sum mite sai itz furst raight
Thow nawt tha jaun Jay crawl Breth
Shy thanks eye habe know towel lint lebt
Thow shy sais mi lions ure jest great

xoxo
lol

I think a key point of the Limerick is that it's supposed to be, to put it mildly, a bit off color! Rude, that is, or even downright crude...but funny. As Wikipedia explains....

The lim'rick packs laughs anatomical
Into space that is quite economical,
But the good ones I've seen
So seldom are clean,
And the clean ones so seldom are comical



Oh... and they often feature a young lady named Jill....but you'll have to Google it...I don't want to be thrown off the board!

G.

Hi Gerry,

I think you're right....though the versions I generally heard were regarding a young lady from Nantucket... !

Thanks for sharing!

Beth

Gerry,

Do you mean like this one I wrote a while back...lemme see, when was it...oh, yeah! Two minutes ago.

There once was this chick named Diane
Who played the guitar with one hand
The left one was free
To satisfy me
And good golly gee, whatta band

Something like that, Ben!:)
G

Hey, this thread's gonna die on the vine!
Don't you realize lim'ricks are fine?
It's the only place possible
For thoughts eschatological
And you can use dirty words, if they rhyme.

Joe

There once was a limerist named Joe
Who warned that the earth could soon blow
Might happen in time
But it's the Divine
Who sits in the middle and knows

Aw, fiddle...let's see what can be done with the "Nantucket" Opening:


There was a Young Gal in Nantucket
Who sold her Fresh Fish, from a Bucket
The Men who Pulled Oars tried to make Her their Whore
But she just sold 'em Fish (& Said F- It!)

There once was a Kid from Peoria
Cursed with a Bout of Anexoria
One Night, Out Vandalizin',
His Mind Crossed His Eyes'n'
Don't let All Those "YUK FOOS" out there Worry Ya!

There once was a Maiden named Florence
Whose Tears would appear in Large Torrents
'Til a Lad with Tenacity, Removed all her Chastity
(And her Giggles were Downright..Abhorrent!)

Aquatic Rodents are Snide:
They prefer Makin' Whoopie..Outside!
With NO Hesitiation, You'll See 'Em OUT Matin'
Horny Beavers, (With Nothin'-to-Hide!)

Stan, those are great. Positively inspiring. I especially liked the last one.

Joe

There once was a fella named Stan
Who's verses were oftentimes banned
Naughty language galore
Once a day, even more
LaFemme, gotta give you a hand!

hee hee hee...

I have a Beachcomber-Friend, Beth
Who Bends, Spindles & Breaks her poor-se'f
Yet Somehow Stays-Dainty, (Apparently-Saintly)
While "Red-Hot-Mamma" hides Under Her Dress...

;-)>
Stan

{Ah, jus' Time For One More...}

'Got me Another Friend ("Joe")
With an Avatar Everyone Knows!
His Songs are Appealin'; (His Logo's Revealin':)
He MOONS YA, Wherever He Goes!

Ah, so Much Evil Fun...so Little Time!
G'nighty, Kind, Brave Amigos!
Stan

There once was a forum where folks
Posted lyrics and limericks and jokes
And though they endeavor
To be classically clever
Most are totally baroque!

You mean "broke"?... that's me...

I recall when I first found this forum
I attempted to learn the decorum.
So, I met a few folks,
and they laughed at my jokes.
Now, if only my songs wouldn't bore 'em...

Silly little wasting of time
Place to ease the troubles of my mind
Full of robust regailers
Telling interesting tails er
At least their making it rhyme

There once was a turkey name tom
Who believed in the teachings of Islam
He fasted fifty two weeks
Till his bones could be seen
He's still here after thanksgivings gone

The jockey shorts said, "I’ll be brief."
The cow said, "I’ve got a beef."
A chicken told a yolk,
A sick old frog croaked
And the tree said, "It’s time to leaf!"

Maybe you shoulda added one more there, JM.

And the CORN said cover your ears!

Speaking of corn, Ben,

When American Indians gazed
At the first corn crop they had raised,
There's no doubt in my mind
Some said, "Shucks! What a find!"
While others just stood there a-maized.

Don't you dare, Jimmy! You already had this one harvested and stored in the barn awaiting a golden opportunity.

Ben, here's one that's dedicated to those countless rows of thirsty mountain-ears who preferred to get their corn from a jar:

A corn likker brewer named Will
Caught cooking sour mash in the hills
Is now safe behind bars
Though those with empty jars
Wish he was making moonshine still!

Their dog howled from morning til night
We knew something wasn't quite right
So we called up the pound
But all that they found
Was a squeaky toy wound up too tight

And the James M hits just keep on coming!


Hi Beth,

You are adorable!!!!

Thanks, Ben....

Have been MIA with holiday stuff and ongoing orthopedic crap (though VERY excited to report I finally got my temporary disabled placard for my car....now all my generous and supportive friends want me to take them to the Mall... :o)

Hope all is well with you....and that I can get back to WRITING after the current frenzy calms down a bit!!

In the meantime, Happy holidays!!

Ho, ho, ho,
Beth

HiDee Mz Beth!

Whee...now we got TWO Haiku Threads a-goin'...will wonders never cease?

Ah, The Japanese
Bringing us such Poesie
(Also Pearl Harbour!)

Yes, I like Haiku:
Five, Then Seven Syllables
Then Five-to-Finish

It's a Cold Morning
But, Thanks to this Haiku Job
My Tired Brain Thaws Out

Season's Best!
Big Hugs,
Stan

Merry Christmas to one and all,
May your gifts be large, your weight gain small,
And keep in mind the reason
For this joyful season
While you trim your tree and deck your hall.

Uh Stan

Hate to burst your bubble but...

This here thread is for limericks
Not Haiku's or torrectical ticks
So please post them elsewhere
They sure don't belong here
If they're good post em on soundclick

Lol just givin ya a little ribbin
Big Guy Hugs
Derek

There once was a uke in Nantucket
but nobody there would pluck it
it sat on a shelf in the attic
till a young lad did attack it
and smashed it into a trash bucket

PB

There once was guy named Haiku
who had a limerick for a tattoo
He seemed so high-class,
but the rhyme on his ass
took a moon to bring into view

I'm so Old that I'm Sometimes Confused
Between Limericks (& Dumb Haikus!)
One is "Irish"..One's "Jap"
They're All-Over-The-Map:
(When I write 'em, I'm Gen'rally Boozed.)

A Lady from Victoria's Secret
Got a Thong, But Alas, Couldn't Keep It:
Her Lover Interceded
(A Trophy He Needed)
So the Game She Played was.."Hide & Seek It"

G'nighty,
Stan