JPF Home Page Forums Lyric and MP3 Feedback Lyric Feedback Forum 3 "GOOD BUZZ!"

{I'm allus Interested in How We Ended Up with "Modern Civilization", and other than fudgin' a Whole Decade to Make-a-Rhyme..[it was 1902, not 1912]..this is based on Fact.}

They're Illegal in Alabama
(Unless your Doctor writes You a Note)
If They Catch One in Your Pajamas
They'll Arrest You, Baby, (It's No Joke!)

U.S. Supreme Court Up-held It:
"It's O.K. to BAN Sex Toys"
Never-mind "Life Liberty & Pursuit of Happiness"
(In The Land of The Good-O'-Boys!)

(CHORUS)
But..Gentlemen...Can't Always Do-it
(So Sistahs..(now) are Helpin' Themselves)
GOOD BUZZ..Can Bring 'Em Through It
(They been Takin'-'Em-HOME..Since 1912!)
GOOD BUZZ..GOOD BUZZ..GOOD BUZZ..GOOD BUZZ!

They Originated Off-in-Europe
Like an Eggbeater-with-Eccentric-Weights
Turn-the-Handle, Weights'd Spin-Up
(& The Little Business-End..Vibrates!)

Then..In Victorian England
A Doctor finally "Saw-The-Light":
You Could Get BETTER-Vibrations
(IF The Gadget was ELECTRIFIED~!)

(REPEAT CHORUS) 'Cuz Gentlemen...(etc)

(BRIDGE)
Then Hamilton-Beach got a BRAINSTORM:
Let's Make Them "REAL SMALL"...
A Portable TAKE-HOME MODEL
(So Ya WON'T Need..an Office-Call~)

So That's The BACKGROUND STORY
Of An Appliance MISS-Understood:
They Sold LONG-Before Electric-IRONS
('Cuz They Make Wives FEEL..SO-GOOD!)

(REPEAT CHORUS)

(TAG)
When that Good Ol' Boy Goes BAD, Y' Still GOT
GOOD BUZZ!

(C) 2007 by Stan Good, BMI
All Rights Reserved.

AHOY MATEY,

Now you've made the sailor's mother blush. Did you and Beth collab. on this one? Aren't ya' supposed to know about what ya' write? Makes it more authenic, they say. GOOD GRIEF, CHARLIE BROWN...........We're supposed to have an elecrical storm tonite...may just mess with the power supply. MOMMY.....

Jan, with a plan

Stan, forgot to say that it did bring those old Beach Boys to mind...think!! Jan

Stan, this is even lower than the one about your low left one. c'mon...you've gotta be near that 500 mark. write a real lyric.

HiDee MichSis!

Naw...Poor Beth had NOTHIN' to do with this one...The Guilt..(if any)..is All Mine.

I find History to be Great FUN, & frankly, the Victorians were LOTS Wilder than we give 'em credit for. (Heck, they could buy Opiates Over-The-Counter, remember?)

Judging from the Number of Well-Constructed Models I've collected from the Teens-thru-20's, they must've been Pretty POPULAR Way-back-When, too. (SOME even came with little FAN Blade Attachments..guess it saved the need to light up a Cigarette--heh!)

Early Ones all came in Black-Covered Wooden Boxes with Leather Handles, JUST like Little Doctor Kits...I'm sure "For Medical Use Only"..but-of-course. (Especially in Alabama, eh?) ;-)>

Why Blush? (An Adage about Geese-Genders comes to mind here...)

Thanks for the Kind Visit & Brave Words,
Big Hugs,
Stan

Yeah, that was a Heck of a Fine Recording...kinda cemented the Electronic Sound (of that Theramin) into the Rock Audience's Brain, it did.

Nikola Tesla was Light-years ahead in his studies of RESONANCE...i.e. EVERYTHING Vibrates at a Certain Frequency, from Atoms-on-Up, in its Natural State. Pioneered Alternating-Current Motors..which..ta-daa..got minor-modifications & became what we're talkin' about in The Lyric.

With slightly-diffo Modifications, that motor became a GE Telechron Electric Clock.

Thanks Again for the Re-Visit,
Big Hugs, Sis,
Stan

Waal, Wowie-Gee, Rob..

I pen 2 "Nice" Ones & Not a Single WORD outta Ya.

Then I pen a "Spice" One & here ya are, Defender of The Faith?

Go crank up the DiVinyl's "I Touch Myself"...(It's about a Decade Old, ALREADY) and Have a Nice Derogatory Day, Amigo!

Best Wishes,
Stan

Stan, this isn't anything like the Divinyls' song. that's simple but lyrical regardless of its theme. this is just rank. and it's not about "nice", it's about writing something with either creative merit or commercial potential. something like Pass the Buck may be "nice" but it's far from lyrical. but hey, that's your style, my comments won't change that. nevertheless I commented on this because like the one about your testical it's just painful to read.

Waal, Couch, I generally write about FACTS when I do those numbers that "Pain You", so if The Truth "Hurts", so be it.

I also enjoy diverging from the "Typical Formula" Garbage that so enthrals the Airwaves (& Yourself) most days..& yep, I guess I do so at My Expense, "Commercially", but SOME things a guy's just gotta do for FUN. Maybe this lyric strikes you as Banal, but so did Andy Warhol's Campbell Soup Cans, AGES ago.

You hold yourself up as the Judge of "Lyrical" when you feed up Formula Crap like "That's How I Roll?" Let's do some Analyzing, shall we: (Whizzin' by cops at 92..) (Mandatory-Mention of "Budweiser" so Johnny-6-Pack'll tune-in!) (Toss in "Muscle Shoals" so the Alabama Crowd's a-listening!) (OOO--BikerBoy wins "a roll of 50's" backroom gamblin' & zooms off with "a waitress on my bike".)

Yeah, "(Your) story's been told"--2 DECADES Ago ("Smokey & the Bandit" 1 & 2), tho Burt used a CAR, (To better effect, JMO.)

CHANGE allus IS somewhat "Painful". Whatcha got that's NEW (& Different) to Offer Us, Amigo?

(That's How I Roll...heh-heh!)

Stan

Hey Stan,

So nice to see you haven't abandoned your saltiness entirely! While I suspect more than just a few of the board's optimists will take the message of "Pass the Buck" to heart, I would hate to see you dedicate your talents strictly to feel-good messages. Maybe because I was in a sorority, or maybe because I spent twenty years working with car dealers, but I think there is a rightful place on this board for this type of writing too. Frankly, if a rhyme can be found ANYWHERE in the piece, it qualifies in my book!

Having said all this, have you considered pitching it to Ruth Buzzi? Could be that crucial first step she needs to revitalize her career...

Finally, maybe you could get together with whatever Beach Boys are still straggling around and mix it up with "Good Vibrations"!

Like you said earlier, the hooks are just flying off the page these days!!

Ciao for now,
Beth

Waal, I ALMOST got off to da TV set & Evenin'-Endin'-Amberbock, but just HADDA see if Another Brave Gal was gonna Comment on This Wild One..& there it WAS..."Number 9..Number 9..Number 9!" (Siren-Songin' my Mouse-Mashin'-Pinky into ACTION Again!)

I remember Names...Birthdays...Anniversaries...My Kid's Ages...Badly! So you tell me who Ruth BUZZI is & I'll be thrilled to send her a copy of this "PAINFUL" Little Number.

IF I mix in a Wee Bitta Beach Boys Music, on the demo, I can expect their Attorney to remind me "Sampling" often costs $1K nowadays, & there are LOTS of Forms To Be Filled OUT..First!

But Maybe there's a Near-Identifiable RIFF we could get away with..that Theramin's "OO-EOW--OO--OO" might be "Lift-able"...dunno!

"Twenty Years Working With Car Dealers" HAS a Certain Lilt to it...for a Gal who's NOT-to-be-Trifled-With Lyric. Give it a Shot next time The Wheels are a-Spinnin'!

THANKS Mz Beth for Your Very Kind Feminine Touch on this Fun One that Someone's Taking WAY Too-Seriously..heh-heh

'Nuther Big Nighty-Night Hug,
"Mr. Balanced-Diet" Stan

Stan

Vibrating vibrator but I have one a vibrating gyrating with heat emiting other little me. Though it doesnt happen on my real thing and we never use it just try to buy it for the sake that we have it just incase viagra wont work anymore for me. Its like break this glass just in case.

I remember reading the book of HOward Stern forgot the book title but in one part he revealed they were using this gadget with his wife before when the time their relationship in bed are getting cold. He even revealed that its hard to stimulate his wife and he claimed that his wife form some kind of calllusses (figure of speech) down there and stimulating her is not good enough.

Nice one...

Lynman

Mornin' Stan!

Up and at 'em today! My still broken though uncasted foot is on the EXCEEDINGLY PAINFUL side today...though probably all that driving around yesterday, stopping short for dumbo drivers and such did not help. That's probably why my doc told me not to drive...maybe those zillion dollars he spent for med school were worth something after all....

ANYHOO, I'm surprised at you....Ruth Buzzi was on "Laugh-In", along with good old Lily Tomlin, recently referenced in my "phone $ex" song ("One ringy dingy, Two ringy dingy"). I haven't the VAGUEST notion if she is even still alive, I just thought it would be funny, with the BUZZ and all....

Beach Boys reference too sort of in jest, but looks like you could PULL IT OFF!!

As for my history with the auto boys, I think that is the best place to leave it -- in the past. LONG STORY (which believe it or not, I'll spare you!).

On the other hand, I think you've got an awesome hook for a song, which is probably pretty particular to this forum but may be general enough to work elsewhere as well: "Siren-Songin' my Mouse-Mashin'-Pinky into ACTION Again!" That is brilliant! I am SOOOO guilty of looking for that little rush of another possible slew of compliments (HA HA) or even some old-fashioned constructive criticism! Maybe the afore-mentioned would be better in the verse, and you could call it something more ambiguous like, "Just One More Post"...We artistes are so FRAGILE!!

Anyhoo, have a great day, and keep doing what you do so well!!

Later,
Hopping Along Beth

G'Mornin' Good Doctor L!

Variety is the Spice of Life..& Sex should Never Get "Routine" I'd allus say.

I'm kinda "Honored" that La Femme prefers Moi to Mechanical Contrivances, but I keep one-such In-Reserve & do "Play Requests", on Rare Occasions. It's no challenge to My Masculinity--I just enjoy seeing Her getting pleasure..& frankly Whatever Makes a Woman Happy is just Fine With Me.

As for any Guilt or Shame about it, Gimmie a Break..we're Married. We're Adults. We're Intelligent. (I HOPE for Couch's Wife's Sake he HAS one of the Gadgets..)

As for Howard Stern, I get a kick out of his Crassness, but don't avidly-follow his Escapades. I can't imagine Detailing My Sex Life to sell a Book, let alone blabbin' it all over the Airwaves, daily..for a buck.

But, I respect his Right to Blab whatever he wants & his wife puts up with..even if it Pains some of his listeners.

Speaking of which, Howard's no longer on the Usual Airwaves, bein' on Sattelite Radio.."By Subscription-Only". & getting WELL-paid for it, too, I add. Waal, Guess WHAT: Regular Terrestrial Radio NOW has "HD" Radio. Which means your Average FM Local Radio Station..like FOX Network..can spend about $400K for new Transmitters and have SEVERAL OTHER "Sideband" Stations that have TOTALLY-DIFFO Content. To GET the Sideband Stations, ya gotta BUY an HD Reciever..under-$200..but the HD Broadcasts are FREE for the time-being. (Many are AD-Free, TOO!)

What this means is EVERY Station that WANTS to broadcast UNUSUAL Stuff (like Howard Stern) now CAN, & Grouchy Folks can just Stay-Tuned to the Parent Station for the USUAL Crap, on their Non-HD Recievers.

The Door IS opening for NEW & Probably VERY Eyebrow-Raising Broadcasting...but I'm SURE that for EVERY New "Howard Stern" there'll be at least TWO Christian Stations opening to keep Couch Happy.

Thanks for Your Always Kind Visit & Words-Well-Chosen, Doc-Migo!

Wasn't it Sly & The Family Stone that coined the term "Different Strokes for Different Folks"? I always get a kick out of how SOME people think THEIR Morality is So Much BETTER than Someone Else's. (Then ya do a little digging & they're really Jimmy Swaggarts in-disguise.) (Or worse.)

Back to Enjoyin' My Day!

Big Hugs, Amigo!
Stan

HiDee Kind LadyChum!

Sorry you're in so much Pain!!! (That ol' saw about Havin' t'Crawl before ya can Walk...possibly applies again, poor gal!)

Yeah, I remember Ruth now...very Slapsticky, but endearingly-funny. Guess everyone Remembers Goldie, at Ruth's Expense.

The Commedienne I HOPE makes a Comeback is Judy Tenuta. She's had her Rounds with Substance Abuse...hope she's back on The Funny Trail again, 'cuz when she's hot, She Kills Me!

There's certainly An Opening for a Love Song of Sorts with an Auto Feel to it....like "I Fell In Love (With the Spare Parts Man)"...or SOMETHING Car-Related with a 50's Feel to it.

Lines like "I needed a New DASH"..."He Liked My HUBCAPS".."Admired my REAR-VIEW in the Mirror"..PUSHED All My BUTTONS to Check 'Em Out..."JUMP-STARTED my Battery".. There's a Million Double-Entendres just a-waitin' on them Parts Shelves, I'd suspect? Even "Cruise Control" is Fair Game...so pen-away Mz B!

I'm gunshy of penning ANY Computer-Related Lyrics...I hate the rotten Machines, do not work or relate WELL with the gadgets. (Takes over 10 Steps nowadaze to hook up with JPF in the AMs...used to take 2-3 with WebTv before my rig got Too-Obsolete to link with the new-"Improved" JPF Site.) So...if ya like that Pinky-Pushin' Quip, do feel free to run with it..I'm averse to Computer-Verses.

Waal...I'm late to Thank Folks on the Nice Lyric...(But the Spicy Ones are So Much More FUN...heh-heh..to Comment On!)

HOPE You're in Less-Pain Today..(DO listen to Your Doc..they got Experience on their side..JMO) Hope Ruth didn't go thru a Chemical Wasteland Period apres-Laugh-in...so many Out-of-Work Comics Do--it's such a shame! But yep, Artistes are Fragile Critters. & Audiences can always be Toughies to please.

Big Hugs (& a Wee Foot-Massage)
Stan

When that Good Ol' Boy Goes BAD, Y' Still GOT
GOOD BUZZ!


Man that SC is busy with idiotic stuff...I mean come f*&^*^ on!

Stan, you couldn't have written That's How I Roll if you had ten years. it has a coherent story, hook and imagery. prove me wrong. write one. take ten years...you'll need 'em.

Robert

I was gonna stay out of this because I do respect some of your work. However out of curiosity I checked out your that's how I roll lyric.

Someone boasting about how good they are?? That's considered excellent writing in your opinion? I got sick looking at this braggard telling me how big and bad and bold he is.

Write me a song about a firefighter from 911 risking it all after having breakfast with his wife and kids only to lose his life in the process I'll call that an awesome lyric.

That's how I roll is pretention on it's highest level. By the way the only reason I posted this here and not there is I don't really care to see it get bumped. Though if you want it back up on the top of the list feel free to bump it yourself.

As for Stan's lyric take away all of what you said about it it's an interesting history lesson if nothing else. And if you see it for just being fun as intended (I'm Sure) Then you wouldn't really be all that offended. My advice to you grow a sense of humor and stop writing songs about pretentious jerks. JMO
Derek

HiDee BurleyBuddy!

Yeah, The Supremes ARE a bit Overworked (& Under-appreciated) these days.

But..I guess they felt States had a Good Right to determine what Toys they wanted Grownups to Play With..& left the Alabama Law stand as "Constitutional".

But after all, if ya CAN legally-marry your First Cousin, is it "at Age 15" there?, you SURE wouldn't want her Corrupted by any of them Newfangled Contraptions, now would ya? ;-)>

Thanks for Your Kind Visit & Words, Bro!

Big Guy-Hug,
Stan

What can I say Rob?

When I've Praised your lyrics, I always got Pounded back.

When I Critiqued your lyrics, I always got Pounded back.

Now I Ignore your lyrics (& Still get Pounded back.)

I have ZERO NEED to write like You Do.

I'm AWARE some of what I pen Peeves-You-Greatly.

And somehow, that gives me Immense & perverse Pleasure.

Now give Yourself Another Backpat and Leave Me Alone.

Stan

God Eve Bro D, (& Thanks for My Defense here..tho don't worry, I wound very-little after YEARS of Critiques & Near-Misses...heh!)

What's FUN about comparing the Two Lyrics-Mentioned is ONE has been written THINKING it's about "a GUY that GALS will absolutely LOVE to hear about."

The Other was written about a "THING that Gals will get a Big KICK to hear about."

(Probably NEITHER ONE will ever-SELL...however!)

Just for FUN..(& My Ego could care Less who Wins here)...

GALS...

Read Couch's "That's How I Roll" AFTER ya've read This Little Ditty..then VOTE:

Simply respond with "Stan" or "Couch" as to Yer Fave. No Need to say More.

IF Couch DOES win, I'll pen one In His Inimitable Style (as I've Already DONE on several FUN occasions, but it's NOT all-That-Hard to do Yet-AGAIN.) Might take 10 Beers...but 10 Years, Never! Heh! (This is really "Win-Win"..I've WANTED a good excuse to put down a few more Amberbocks this week!) ;-)>

Oh..maybe a Category "C" too: "They BOTH Suck"...

I'll certainly Respect Your Intelligence, M'LadyChums!

& Bro D...Thanks Again for da Kind Visite & Insightful Words, Amigo! you've always been a Good Friend & a Heckova Fine Budding Young Writer. Keep up Your Good Work...(& maybe DO that 911 Song...it's not too tough to lay it out: Scene 1: Breakfast Scene 2: Firestation, Bells a-ringing Scene 3: Talkin' to his wife on a collapsed Staircase via a scavenged Cellphone.) Outro:
Dust-Unto-Dust.

Waal...I Thankee Bro D for allowin' me to set up this Contest on Your Reply. Hey, if Couch LOSES, maybe HE oughta be required to write one in "MY not-so-Lyrical Style", whaddya Think?

OOO...Got The Title ALREADY for him: "FROM WHERE MY HEAD'S PEEKIN' OUT (I CAN SEE MY RIGHT ONE!)" ;-)>

Big Guy-Hug, Amigo,
Stan

well gee Stan...
I WAS going to stay out of this...but you begged for female opinions...

and I gotta say...I think couch's lyric is head and shoulders above yours.
I'm not crazy about a few facts in his... ie the cop drinkin on the job..and/or ignoring the dude...
but his lyric flows.... I can sorta hear the music to it already...
and frankly...if someone had said it was penned by Toby Keith..was his latest single released on radio...I would have believed it. it's right up his style. (and I'm not a big fan of Toby Keith either)

Now your lyric..on the other hand... does NOT flow smoothly...
is mainly a history lesson made into a poem.
as couch has said about a few or your lyrics lately... it's a poem... but doesn't seem like a lyric to me. Certainly doesn't sing well for me.
and no...I do NOT get a big kick out of it.

I KNOW you can write a good lyric.... I've read a few of them...
but.....

this ain't one of them...in my opinion

Thanks for The Honesty, Mz H! (Not that I remember ever gettin' any Backpats from ya over the ages..)

But we'll score it "One for Da Grouch."

Let's say this little Contest "Ends on Sat. at 12PM"..fair enough?

&..I'll start makin' Room in da Fridge for 2 6-packs-a Amberbocks, Just-In-Case..heh!

Big Hugs,
Stan

now now Stan,
I have complimented you in the past...
and I even penned some music to one of your lyrics a few years back.
I'd say that's high praise from me.

Sorry. My Memory doesn't always work well "A few years back".

But I still consider ya a Good Friend..& A Good Writer & Artist too.

So There...heh-heh!

'Nuther Hug,
Stan

Hey Stanamigo

Narry a problem. I apprecaite what this lyric is saying not sure you'll win the vote but hey if I was female you'da got mine! lol
Big Guy Hugs
Derek

Oh my, Stan the man!!! I had to see what the buzz was all about!!! Hilarious! Heck, you even got something out of ol' quiet Rob...hehe I would be thrilled to death if he ever commented negatively on anything of mine. At least I'd know he thought I was worth reading.

HiDee Bro D!

Yeah, I'm always comin'-from-behind in Real Life, too...heh!
No need for a Sex-Change...I allus enjoy a good Amberbock on a Losin' Day!

And..it's frankly Great Fun to do a Couch Parody..(Tho I kinda MISS his formerly-famous-"Trademark-Moons"..they were SUCH fun to include~!)

Gotta Scoot...Big Doin's at the Local Bank, where a Check's been a bouncin'/time for the credit card-bearin' finger to plug the dike.

Thanks for the Kind Visit, Amigo!
Big Guy-Hug,
Stan

HiDee Mz Brenda!

I won't do a "Hanging Chad" here & count ya as a "Stan Vote" until ya've read Couch's "Lyrical"-bit & compared it to What I Got Here, & told us what You (as a Woman) Enjoyed The Most of The Two Songs in Competition.

Keep in-mind that One thinks women are kinda Throway Accessories, & the other kinda implies that Men Just Might be... ;-)>

One's a Made-Up Story, the other's Cold, Hard Facts. (OO..BAD Choicea Words I guess..but if it's Flowery ya want, I guess Couch IS the Guy to Vote For.)

Thanks for your Kind Words & Visit, M'LadyChum! (Don't forget Option "C"..."They Both Suck"...if you end up "Torn!") ;-)>

Big Hugs, Whoever Wins,
Stan

Oh boy, I had no idea what I was getting myself into...LOL This thread is about this lyric and I only comment when I enjoy what I read. If I read something that does not interest me, I say nothing. "Good Buzz", is good fun! I have not read That's How I Roll, though Rob is a friend of mine. At least, I think so. I can appreciate both of you as people and writers. Love variety in my life.

O.K., Mz Brenda...I'll invent Category "D"..(Just for You!)...where ya think "Both Songs are EQUALLY-Good."

That way you'll never lose a friend who never comments on Your Songs.

Best Wishes & a Big Hug,
Stan

LOL I do need my own category. This lyric here is really very good, I haven't had time to comment on much (haven't commented on one from Rob in a long time) been trying to get myself some songs together. Its been almost a year since I had a demo done.

Hiya TampaStan,

That's a funny one! Educational, too.

Got a question for you, though. When you write lyrics, do you hear a tune, or have a sense of the rhythm of the lines? Because from a musical perspective, it's not making rhythmic sense to me. It has a classic, by the book song structure as far as verses and choruses and bridges go, but as a musician, I would have trouble putting a melody to it because the number of syllables keeps randomly changing.

For example, I would assume the first and second verses sound the same musically. They would have the same melody, so the third line of the first verse would have the same melody as the third line of the second verse, right? But the third lines of each are miles away from each other, and I can't see how you could sing them with the same musical notes...in the first verse (If They Catch One in Your Pajamas) there are 9 syllables, but in the second verse there are 14 (Never-mind "Life Liberty & Pursuit of Happiness"). It's nearly impossible to sing those two lines with the same melody.

So, is this a song that already has music? If not, I would suggest re-working all your lines so they follow a similar meter or scansion to their "partners".

But HILARIOUS to read! I really enjoyed reading a song about...well...that most excellent invention!

Best Regards,

Lyle

just getting into the act

in alabama (you can't get any)
© 2007 john voorpostel


it's a team sport or you can go solo
it's a real good buzz when you take it slow
and easy like with a real deft hand
and a just so motion 'till the big brass band
comes a marching in with a kick ass finish
'cept in alabama where you can't get any


energizer bunny's gonnna kick up a fuss
and the little old ladies' gonna get on a bus
head up north or south maybe east or west
gonna bring back home a couple dozen of the best
they're gonna share with friends they got a horn of plenty
'cause in alabama you can't get any


big pharma got the money you can still get viagra
so them good ole boys can be much more active
like the bedroom police working overtime
in case the land of the free dares to get out of line
and have a little bit of fun with their wives and their pennies
except in alabama where you can't get any


it's a ten grand fine and a year in jail
where you can sleep with your friend and you can feel quite safe
while the judge bickers on and fights to ban whipped cream
lingerie and barry white, we can't have them 'round here"
'cause you may feel a tingle and that's one too many
'cause in alabama you can't get any

-30

Derek, you're missing the point of what a lyric actually is. the theme is secondary to how well it's written. and whether anyone will sing it. I know That's How I Roll is a guy bragging...it's written for southern rock/country. that's what that genre IS. it's written to tie the hook in three times with scenarios good old boys can relate to. with lines that flow and word pictures that put you THERE. that's songwriting. a song can be about 9/11 and still be poorly written. In my view this is badly written, but that's not what caused me to comment. it's a badly written piece about an offensive, ridiculous topic. with a little less coffee in me I'd have just winced and moved on but yeah, I said something. sue me. How low does a lyric have to be on a lyric CRITIQUE board before someone can say it's bad? must be pretty low...God knows no one wants to upset the clique.

Waal, Mz Brenda, no Arm-Twist on my part, but you'd make this an Interesting "Tie" if ya did compare & get back with a Vote...(From what I've seen thus far..) ;-)>

So..take your time...& remember I turn into a Bumpkin on Sat at Noon..heh-heh!

Big Further Hugs,
Stan

HiDee Bro Lyle!

Yep, I got a Head-Melody every time, tho I confess to Enormously Crammed Lines,time-to-time, on Comedic Stuff. (Sotto Voce Narration bails me out 50% of the time, the other half I get whomped by my Usual Comedic Collaborator, Bill Dudley, & do a Rewrite On-Da-Spot to His Music Track.)

Bill's even More Sarcastic-Sardonic than I am..Quelle Miracle..so if it Ain't Workin' I get That LOOK followed by "You're NOT gonna try to fit ALL THAT into that Line, ARE You?" & I follow with The Truth "I wrote that in a Hurry..lemmie see what I can come up with!"

That "Life, Liberty" bit would fer-sure be Narrated to The Audience as "an Aside"..(with the Melody On-Hold)..to work for a Laugh Line.

I'm glad ya enjoyed the Ditty..it's hard explaining My Stuff to Humorless People/I'm admittedly shorter-on-patience now that I'm approaching Elederly-Dom/have YET to score any Major Cuts with Big Artists so I can grow An Ego.

But I think I can still recognize Formulaic Crap when I see it.
I'm at the Age where Fawning Homilies get met with lotsa Skepticism, and guess I'm penning more in the Mode of an Older-Mark-Twain than a Younger Shania... ;-)>

And...I'm still in this for The Fun. (Gave up on The Money YEARS ago..helped me stay Sane~!)

Thanks for the Kind Male Support...(No Pun Intended...Honest!)

Big Guy-Hug
Stan

That's Fun Stuff, BurleyBuddy!

DID Alabama give Barry White a hard time? How sadly racist..the man was SOOOOoo COOoool! (Think Georgia ALSO gave Ray Charles a tough time TOO, later..apologized to him/he forgave.) (I think.)

Two of my Favorite Quotes:

1) "You can't legislate Morality"
2) "Morality is ONLY for The Middle Class"

The latter came from a Gay Doctor in Lakeland who was puttin' the moves on me on a Clock Housecall, after I responded I'd been happily, Heterosexually-Married for DECADES. (He was VERY Intellectual..main recipient of the HOBART Family-Fortune.)

I doubt he's alive today...had Major Health Issues..but over the years I paid Many a Visit (His clock seemed to Regularly Go On The Fritz) and we'd talk for Hours..(He DID have a rather Handsome BRAIN!) He'd also never Quibble about the Extra Charge to head off to Lakeland..heh!

Anyways, I've never forgotten his Quip/Keep it In Mind next time some Holier-than-thou wants to impress you with His Morality.

Thanks for the Contribution..& Good Luck with it, Amigo.
Big Guy-Hug,
Stan

Bro Couch, you DID hit the Nail On Da Head: "This is a Critique Board".

So far, as I scroll backwards, I find YOU and Harriet (She's as Clique-Member-y as ANY of us get, BTW) don't like My Lyric here.

And, I find it's been FAVORABLY-Commented Upon..by Beth, John, Derek, Brenda, and Lyle. John V's about the ONLY JPF Member from Years-Back (Makin' him a Potential "Clique-member") but the REST are Relative New-Comers.

So..even counting Le Grande Toi, that makes 2-"Opposed", 5-"For"
(It'd be 6..IF I counted Myself..tho who needs to?)

You keep making the Fallacious Assumption that YOU & Your Opinions constitute "A Board", and that YOUR Version of Songwriting is Infinitely-Superior to ALL us "Lesser Writers".
(And ANYONE who's Opposed to YOUR VIEWS Must Certainly be part of a Conspiratorial Clique....)

But Buddy, NUMBERS Don't Lie. Scroll Back a-ways & smell the Petunias. (& if I lose our little Contest, heck, I've already got the Fridge cleaned out & a Rough Draft a-formin' for "The Way I Bowl"...)

It's Gonna Be Right Down your Alley, Amigo!

Happy Trails,
Stan

Ooh oooh oooh, I LOVE being first, I LOVE being first...usually I rate that position only when we're going the alphabetical route!!

Absolutely adoring this darling tete-a-tete. While normally I enjoy the wind being removed from the sails, this is just too titillating to ignore!

But I really shouldn't be so smug...just think of all those potential "Pass the Buck" dollars I wasted at Chippendales! (hee hee hee)

Wowie..it's a TIE..for Da Moment...(Saved by Mz Beth..the MIGHTY!~)

But, because I don't wanna be a smug Winner...assuming that's a Possibility here..I'll post the Rough (Very) Draft of "That's How I Bowl"...Inspired by Couch's Shining Example of how a Macho Countryboy Song oughta be Done. Harriet heard his "For Toby"...

This baby's got "Ray" written all-over it.

SO..Hopefully Couch'll get that BIG Hit offa his, so I can rake in the Chump Change! (That'd sure thrill La Femme this slack week, lemmie tellyas!)

Thankee Aplenty, Mz Beth! (I promise an Extry Prayer for that ailin' foot, soon as I get thru typin'!)

Big Appreciative Hugs,
Ol' Stan

Comparing apple to orange its hard to do but I prefer Stan lyrics instead of robert.

Here my line by line interpretation of Couch works so I post it in here to point out why I did not prefer couch works. Anyway couch doesnt listen sometimes in your suggestion hope it will benefit stan more who nails me several times.

This is only my own opinion, a point of view of an asian songwriter.

That’s How I Roll

Headin’ through Harlan county, on my chrome n leather hog
Blew by a sleepy trooper, in the midnight fog
Had two warrants on me, from three counties back
Busted up a bouncer, at some bootleg shack

(On this 1st verse I know the genre of this runs on country tune. The lyrical line is quite long. FOr me its like im listening or reading a novel where it describe all the details. Dragging IMO.)

He dropped his Budweiser, hit the siren n light
But I’d already vanished, in the misty night

(Ok I dont know how I called this scenario after the first verse where the guy is heading somewhere with his harley then there this another guy who dropped his beer, then who hit the siren? The police who is drinking alcohol or this guy from nowhere that disappear.)

Cos that’s how I roll, with fire in my soul
I live fast and I live bold, yeah my story’s told
From Shawnee Lake to Muscle Shoals
That’s how I roll

(Ok now this is clear the guy run away but how couch explains "fire in my soul"? What I understand from the beggining that this guy is an antisocial, triple y chromosome and heart of steel runs from the police. There should be a police chase that need to be told here couch.)

Found a rowdy roadhouse, right outside of town
Skidded up in back, put my kickstand down
Cowgirl waitresses, hustlers dealin’ blackjack
Yahoos rollin’ dice, on the floor in back

(Wow!!! I saw this alot of time in a cowboy movie where the wanted criminal will enter the bar with some character. Nice one though the verse is cliche. SOrry this is just my opinion.)


Well, I won at 21, grabbed the dice and made ‘em sweat
Risked it all and broke the house, with a single bet

(Haha lucky guy... It happens only in the movie and in this lyrics but rarely happens in the real life. Gee, I hope if that happens casinos in lasvegas will not exist anymore.

How about with a single bet with a hidden camera in my pocket where the eye in the sky turns blind. How about that couch? that makes realistic for me and you might nail me.)


Cos that’s how I roll, with fire in my soul
Live young and life don’t get old, yeah my story’s told
From Shawnee Lake to Muscle Shoals
That’s how I roll

(Again you roll with fire in your soul in one try and you broke the house if you really a macho guy you should bet more or throw some tantrums that you need to broke more bar patrons pocket.)



Left with a roll of fifties and a waitress on my bike
We parked out in a meadow, near a bed of soft moonlight
Said she’d never found a man, who made her lose control
Kissed her deep and said when I ride that’s how I roll

(This is the best part to critique. The happy times, the happy moment then this triple y chromosomes guy was hypnotice by the lady in the bar and she know HOW TO ROLL better than him. So what is the point in this how to roll things where the winner is always the gals in the bar.)

Thong in my back pocket, note with that sweet thing’s name
Dropped her off at home and roared off down the lane
Passed that same ol’ trooper, while pushin’ 92
He just drank his beer, cos that trooper knew


(The Ending...
HE got the souvenir and story to tell for his co biker roaming in the streets. I hope the guy is not broke after the sexcapades he had. Need to elaborate the ending.)

That’s how I roll, with fire in my soul
I live fast and I live bold, yeah my story’s told
From Shawnee Lake to Muscle Shoals
That’s how I roll

(Overall Im not interested and the lyric is a same old story and there is no special about it that brings a goosebumps in my skin.)

JMO

Lynman

G'Mornin' Doc L!

Hey, I don't think either of Our 2 Lyrics are THAT Great..OR all That Shabby...they ARE like ya said, "Apples & Oranges".

Couch did a pretty good job on the "Typical" Legendary Badboy Biker. It's kinda Cookie-Cutter overall, definitely Triple-Y-Chromos, cover-to-cover. (Yawn.)

My crit would be he's Missed-The-Market, as far as Toby Keith'd go:
Toby's moved on to "I'm Not as Good as I Once Was"..a sorty Older-Guy with ALL the Necessary Chromosomes..only MUCH MORE Human-&-Believable. (And Likeable...hence "Saleable.")

Now MY Song...I never DID worry about "Marketability"..it was Just An Idea I got after reading the AM Newspaper. I penned it, I Send It. The Hook: Solid as a Rock. The History: ALL Facts..except it's 10 years "Late" on the Inception Date..but doubt I'll Burn-in-Hell over it/needed da rhyme. The Angle: I think it's Marketable, mostly 'cuz It's DIFFERENT. It's CONTROVERSIAL (Just LOOK at the Hits Here on it!) It's AIRPLAYABLE..(NO Bad Words, really. MAYBE the Gals use it for Muscle Pains..who knows?)

In Couch's Lyric, it's The Singer who has All The Fun...In mine, it's The Audience..tho yeah, there'll be a Few Who Cringe.

They'll mostly be Old Farts & Hyper-Religious NAY-Sayers, & heck, I RESPECT their God-Given-Rights to Pan My Lyric & have a Miserable Day over it.

As for the Rest of Us, PARTY-ON Folks~! Life's too dern Short to get your panties ALL wadded up over a Little History Lesson.
(Which..with the RIGHT Music...should be FUN to Dance To.)

Thanks for the Kind Couch-Crit, Doc... He has His Following/I got Mine..I'm perfectly Happy The Way Things Are..no need to Change a Thing, really!

Back to Da Boards...have a Very Happy FRIDAY, Doc-Migo!~
Bon Weekend, too!
Big Guy-Hug,
Stan